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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510658">Our Broken Fairytale</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenWeCollide/pseuds/WhenWeCollide'>WhenWeCollide</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WTFock | Skam (Belgium)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Texting, but really friends to enemies to friends to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:40:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>72,168</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenWeCollide/pseuds/WhenWeCollide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbe and Sander grew up together as neighbors and best friends, until Sander mysteriously moved away when Robbe was ten. Now, nine years later, Sander is suddenly back into his life and not very happy to see him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>260</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Familiar Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 14:52</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was sitting on the tram with his headphones on, a carryall on the seat next to him. He was on his way to his new dorm. Jens had already moved his stuff over there last week with his mom’s car. Robbe was thankful for Jens. He not only saved him from a couple of embarrassing taking-furniture-on-public-transport trips, but he was also the one familiar thing in his life right now. They had been friends since high school and would now become roommates. Robbe’s introduction week was starting on Monday. University. Fucking finally.</p><p>In summary, Robbe’s life had been pretty shit for the last two years. It all went downhill when his mom’s mental health got worse. His dad saw that as the perfect excuse to finally make his affair public and run away with his brand new family. He did offer Robbe to move in with them but that would mean Robbe had to change schools, leave his mom alone and endure his stepmom’s daily foul comments about his ‘crazy mom’. Robbe politely declined. At seventeen, he was a scared and confused high school senior taking care of his even more scared a confused mother.</p><p>Until his mom was admitted to a mental hospital, leaving Robbe no other choice than to move in with his dad 200 kilometer away. Their local high school didn’t offer his exam subjects, which meant he had to retake the whole year.</p><p>The first thing he hung up in his new room at his dad's was a calendar. Every morning he would count down the days until he could leave. Today, that day had finally come.</p><p>Robbe got of the tram and walked the last couple of blocks to his dormitory until he was standing in front of the gate. He looked up at the early 20th century house. It reminded him of House of Anubis, a show he used to watch as a kid about a group of boarding school students who lived in a mysterious haunted house. </p><p>
  <em>Please don’t let there be a creepy basement, please don’t let there be a creepy basement.</em>
</p><p>He opened the gate and walked up the front yard, which was filled with bikes. According to Jens they had ten other roommates. Robbe wasn’t sure how sharing a kitchen with eleven people was going to work. </p><p>
  <em>Only one way to find out, I guess.</em>
</p><p>Robbe rang the doorbell. He did have a key but somehow it felt weird to just walk in. </p><p>A couple of seconds later, the door flung open. A girl with short bleached blonde hair and red lipstick smiled at him.</p><p>“Hi! You must be Robbe,” she said.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, nice to meet you,” he replied, readjusting the carryall hanging over his shoulder.</p><p>“I’m Zoë. Come in!”</p><p>Robbe followed her into the house.</p><p>“Did Jens already give you a tour?”</p><p>“Uh, not really. We just dropped my stuff of in my room.”</p><p>“Okay good,” she clapped her hands together. “Let’s show you around then.”</p><p>They walked into the kitchen. Robbe was pleasantly surprised at how clean it looked. </p><p>“Don’t think it always looks like this,” said Zoë as if she had been reading his mind. </p><p>“We only clean it once at the start of the academic year to trick first years into living with us. The rest of the year you’re lucky to find a clean plate in here.”</p><p>A guy bursted into the kitchen. He was wearing a dark blue Adidas tracksuit and looked like he had been smoking a bit too much weed. </p><p>“Aaron Robbe, Robbe Aaron. Aaron is also a first year,” Zoë explained.</p><p>“Nice to meet you bro,” said Aaron, wrapping him in a bear hug. </p><p>“Eh, you too,” said Robbe, a little taken aback by the intensity of the hug.</p><p>After what felt like way too long, Aaron let go of him and turned towards Zoë.</p><p>“Do we have bolts?”</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe in the attic?”</p><p>
  <em>Oh god there’s also an attic. </em>
</p><p>“Thanks! I’ll go look,” said Aaron, leaving the kitchen just as chaotically as he entered it.</p><p>Zoë grinned at him. “I have a feeling we need to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t accidentally set the house on fire. Anyway, let’s continue the tour.”</p><p>She explained how they all had one shelf in the fridge and one in the cabinets. There was a rule to do the dishes after you used them, but most of them pretended to never have heard of it. </p><p>“If it gets too out of hand, just put the dirty dishes in front of their bedroom door. That usually does the trick,” she recommended.</p><p>They went on to the adjoining living room. It had a huge dining table that fitted all twelve of them. There were three couches around an old fireplace. In the middle of the couch stood a coffee table made out of beer crates. </p><p>“Jens threw up in that last year,” said Zoë, pointing at the fireplace. “Please don’t do that.”</p><p>Robbe made a mental note.</p><p>
  <em>No puking in the fireplace. Check.</em>
</p><p>They returned to the hallway.</p><p>“Here we have the bathroom and laundry room. There’s another bathroom upstairs. I recommend showering at night if you want to make it to class on time. Also, please remove your hair from the sink and don’t pee in the shower.” </p><p>Robbe pulled a disgusted face like he never peed in the shower. He did. Every single time. </p><p>“I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that your friends with Jens. He told me really good things about you though, so I’m sure you’re going to prove me wrong,” she smiled.</p><p>Robbe felt a little guilty for already lying to her. He would try to pee in the shower less.</p><p>“Let’s see, what else?” Zoë wondered, looking around the house.</p><p>“You’ve already been upstairs, so I think that’s it! Most of us are still on holiday but I’m sure they’ll all be back at the end of the week. Right now it’s only you, me, Aaron, Noor, another first year, and Jana. You know Jana right?”</p><p>He nodded. </p><p>Jana went to the same high school as him and Jens. Jana and Jens dated for a while but broke up before Robbe moved away. According to Jens, they were just friends now.</p><p>“The other roommates are Moyo, Keisha, Luca, Amber, Sander and Senne. Amber will probably add you to our group chat one of these days so make sure you turn of your notifications. Do you have any questions so far?”</p><p>“I don’t think so, no,” Robbe replied.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it then,” she smiled. “Just knock on my door if you need anything. My room is right next to yours.”</p><p>Robbe gave her a thankful smile before heading up to his room.</p><p> </p><p><strong>ZONDAG</strong> <strong>21:09</strong></p><p>Robbe spent most of his Sunday unpacking. Not that there was much to unpack. He had taken over most of the furniture from the previous lodger. The only stuff he brought from his dad’s place were his clothes, some books, his skateboard and a blanket his mom made him when he was little.</p><p>He had spent about an hour putting away his clothes and books. After that, there was nothing left to do then start screwing his bed together. Which he had been trying for hours. The Ikea manual didn’t make sense, he was pretty sure there were some screws missing and the screwdriver didn’t seem to fit into the screws he did have. The fact that he had two left hands also didn’t help.</p><p>He was just about to call it a day and sleep on the floor, when someone knocked on his door.</p><p>“Hey,” said Jana, standing in his door opening.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Long time no see! It’s good to have you back.”</p><p>They hadn’t seen each other since Robbe moved away. He had asked Jens not to tell anyone about his home situation. He didn’t want people to feel sorry for him. Jana probably guessed anyway.</p><p>“How’s the unpacking going?”</p><p>“Good, almost finished,” he lied.</p><p>Jana’s gaze rested on the pile that was supposed to become his bed. “Doesn’t look like it.” </p><p>“The screwdriver is being a bitch,” he groaned.</p><p>“Do you need some help?”</p><p>“No, I’ll manage.”</p><p>“Sure,” said Jana, rolling her eyes at him. “When is Jens coming back from France?”</p><p>“Saturday, I believe.”</p><p>“Okay. Can’t believe I’m going to be living together with the two of you.”</p><p>“I promise we’ll behave,” Robbe grinned.</p><p>“Good. Anyway, I’m going to bed. Zoë and I are guides this week so tonight is probably the only sleep I’m going to get” she sighed. “Do you want to borrow my electric screwdriver?”</p><p>“No, it’s okay.” </p><p>He was a 19-year-old guy. He should be strong enough to put a bedframe together without the help of an electric screwdriver, dammit.</p><p>“Cut the toxic masculinity, Robbe. I’m getting you my screwdriver. You’ll thank me later.”</p><p>Half an hour later, Robbe was lying peacefully on his new bed, that he put together with his bare hands. And a little help from Jana’s electric screwdriver. Not only had she been right about the toxic masculinity part, electric screwdrivers also turned out to be one of the best inventions of modern times. </p><p>Robbe had been so excited by how effortless the screws went into the wood, he hunted down his room for other screws to drive. He would have looked around the rest of the house as well, if he didn’t just move in. His roommates needed to believe he was somewhat normal before he would be comfortable enough to share his brand new screwdriver fetish with them.</p><p>The excitement of the electric screwdriver had washed away his fears about the next day. Normally Robbe would already be gagging at the thought of going to a new place where he had to socialize with people he didn’t know. But everyone had to start over and was probably anxious about how others would perceive them. So there was no need for him to stress about it. Robbe decided he wasn’t going to let his anxiety control his college life. With that thought, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 08:51</strong>
</p><p>Somehow, last nights fuck-it-I’m-so-over-being-anxious attitude didn’t survive until the morning. The nauseous feeling in his stomach was loud and clear. So much for his new resolutions.</p><p>At least he was sure he was standing in front of the right building, after checking Google Maps four times. He had arrived half an hour too early and spent the last twenty minutes walking around the neighborhood contemplating what was the best time to arrive. Fifteen minutes seemed too early. Five seemed too risky. Ten minutes seemed fine. Nine seemed even better, like he hadn’t been obsessing over his time of arrival and just arrived at a random odd number. </p><p>Robbe took a deep breath and walked into the building. He followed the directions to the meeting point of his introduction group. He would just walk up to whoever was already waiting there and start a conversation. How hard could it be?</p><p>He passed the corner. There was a girl sitting on the steps. She was wearing black dungarees and chunky low cut Dr. Martens. Her short dark hair made her red lipstick stand out. As if she wasn’t already looking cool enough, her arms were covered in old school tattoos.</p><p>
  <em>Nope. Nope nope nope. She’s way out of my league.</em>
</p><p>Robbe turned around and started walking back to where he came from. He would just walk another block around the building and come back when less intimidating people had arrived.</p><p>“Hey!” a voice called behind him.</p><p>He froze. That could totally be meant at anyone. Robbe looked around him. There was no one else. </p><p>
  <em>Dammit.</em>
</p><p>Barely two minutes into introduction week and he was already looking like a weirdo.</p><p>He turned around. The cool girl waved at him. He walked up to her with an awkward smile on his face.</p><p>“Hey. Sorry I, uh, thought I was in the wrong place,” he lied.</p><p>“Me too. I really tried not to be the first one here,” she said, letting out a nervous laugh.</p><p>“I’m Noor, by the way.”</p><p>“Robbe,” he replied, shaking her hand. </p><p>“Wait, Robbe as in my new roommate?” she gasped. </p><p>“Jan van Rijswijck lane?”</p><p>She nodded excitedly. </p><p>“We could have biked together here.”</p><p>“Well, I’m glad you’re here now. I’m clinging myself onto you this week if you don’t mind” she said while wrapping her arm through his. </p><p>Robbe liked her already. He should really stop making assumptions about people before he met them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 14:46</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was sitting on a windowsill of a student association. It was the fourth student association they visited in two days. He didn’t like how everyone started conversations and pretended to be interested in you, only to get you to join their association.</p><p>He looked over at Noor who was chatting with some students from her music academy. Unfortunately, his other group members didn’t turn out to be as chill as Noor. They were all loud, annoying and desperate to be liked by everyone. All it did for Robbe was make him quiet.</p><p>A girl sat down next to him. He could feel her eyes on him.</p><p>
  <em>Here we go again.</em>
</p><p>“Hi! What’s your name?”</p><p>“Robbe.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Robbe. I’m Britt,” she said with a genuine smile on her face, which was a first for a member of a student association.</p><p>“Are you thinking about joining an association?”</p><p>“No. And please don’t ask me why not because you’re not going to convince me.”</p><p>He expected her to stand up and leave. Instead, she leaned back and lit a cigarette.</p><p>“Can I ask you why not if I promise I won’t try to convince you?”</p><p>“I don’t know. They just feel like forced friendships to me. You experience hazing week together and bond over the shared trauma afterwards. I’m not exactly looking for that.”</p><p>“No, you’re right” she agreed.</p><p>“Why did you join one?”</p><p>“Because I was insecure, I guess. I was afraid I wouldn’t make any friends otherwise and everyone kept telling me how great it was. I wish I met someone like you back then.”</p><p>“You can still quit. Make new friends,” he suggested.</p><p>“Maybe I will,” she said. “I like you, Robbe. Want to grab a drink sometime?”</p><p>“I’m afraid I’m not into that either,” he admitted, giving her an apologetic smile.</p><p>“What, drinks?” she asked, looking down confused at the beer in his hand. </p><p>“No, girls.”</p><p>Britt laughed. “So I’m really wasting all my time here, huh?”</p><p>“I’m afraid you are.”</p><p>“You know,” she took another drag from her cigarette. “This is actually the nicest conversation I’ve had all week.”</p><p>They kept chatting for another hour, until Britt got dragged away by her friends. Before Robbe left, he tried to find her and give her his number, but she was nowhere to be found.</p><p> </p><p><strong>WOENSDAG 15:12</strong> </p><p>Wednesday consisted of introduction lectures on campus. It was a welcome change to the endless parties and introduction games of the last few days. Some students partied until five in the morning and still showed up for breakfast at eight. Robbe didn’t know how they managed to do that. Moyo was one of those people. He was their tour guide this week. They didn’t seem to have much in common apart from their mutual friendship with Jens and the fact that they now lived in the same house. Moyo kept bragging about the amount of chicks he had banged during his first year. When Robbe made clear chicks weren’t exactly his thing, he fortunately shut up about it.</p><p>Robbe was listening attentively to the lecture on Social Psychology. He had decided he wanted to study Psychology when his mom got sick. Reading about her mental illness made him feel less impotent. After reading everything he could find about schizophrenia, he started reading about other mental illnesses as well and became fascinated by the human brain.</p><p>He was trying to pay attention to the lecture, but the constant buzzing of his phone made it almost impossible. He should really turn off his group chat notifications. After what felt like the twentieth buzz, he finally gave in and unlocked his phone.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Broerrrs</span> </strong>
</p><p>*Jens created group “Broerrrs”</p><p>*Jens added you*</p><p>*Sander left*</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Rude. </p><p>Anyway, i thought we could use a group chat for the house</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Don’t we already have one?</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Yeah but that one has the girls in it and i can’t deal with them accusing me of having a toothpaste fetish anymore</p><p>So we can use this chat to talk about our dicks in peace🧘🏻</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: And for making fun of amber’s secret admirer @Aaron</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Hahaha what?</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: I swear she’s the one, man💯</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: You don’t stand a chance </p><p>No offense</p><p>At least you don’t have a toothpaste fetish like jens</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>:</p><p> </p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Robbeeeee</p><p>How are you bro?</p><p>I haven’t seen you since sunday</p><p>?</p><p>Yes you have </p><p>We literally had a conversation last night</p><p><b>Aaron</b>: Really?</p><p>Oh yeah</p><p>Nice!</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 20:38</strong>
</p><p>On Thursday Robbe decided he had socialized enough this week and deserved a quiet night in. He was about to start the new episode of Big Brother when there was a knock on his door.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Zoë poked her head around the door. “Still alive?”</p><p>“Barely” he sighed, closing his eyes for dramatic effect.</p><p>She leaned against the doorframe. “It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Last year I was so fed up with everyone acting weird that I went home after dinner every night.”</p><p>Hearing that he wasn’t the only one not enjoying introduction week as much as everyone else, made him feel a little better.</p><p>“They all seem to have so much fun, though? And it’s like everyone knows each other already. Like, did I miss the intro week to the intro week or something?”</p><p>“You didn’t. They’re lying. You know, during intro week you have three types of people. There are the people who are afraid they won’t make any friends in college, so they overcompensate and try to be as social as possible. Then there are the enthusiastic tour guides who make you believe college is the wildest time of your life and you should start right now or else you missed the boat. They are the worse kind. And then there are people like you and me who can’t deal with the whole circus and just go home early.”</p><p>“How long will they keep acting like that?” Robbe asked. </p><p>“The hype usually dies down when classes start next week. Then most of them will become themselves again. You’re probably going to like some of the people you hated during intro week. At least, that’s how it was for me.”</p><p>“Really?” he frowned. He tried to image being friends with the people that irritated him this week. </p><p>“Yeah. I had this tour guide last year, Senne, who also lives here. He just got home by the way. He was the most annoying, braggy know-it-all. I really despised him that week. Now he’s my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“Yeah. So moral of the story, try not judging people too much based on how they act during intro week. They might surprise you," Zoë smiled. </p><p>“I’ll try,” said Robbe, not completely convinced by her story but curious to find out.</p><p>“We’re having a game night downstairs, if you want to meet him? Sander’s also home now.”</p><p>“Sure, I’ll be there in a sec.”</p><p>-</p><p>Zoë pointed at the faces sitting around the table.</p><p>“You’ve already met Moyo and Jana. Then we have Senne, who I just told you about,” she winked.</p><p>“Can’t be any good if she’s winking at you like that,” said Senne, shaking his hand. </p><p>Robbe laughed. </p><p>“Next to Senne we have Adi, who doesn’t live here but might as well start paying rent,” Zoë continued.</p><p>Robbe got distracted by a bleached blonde guy sitting at the end of the table. He looked familiar but Robbe could figure out where he knew him from. Maybe he had already seen him at a party this week. Although, he was pretty sure he would have remembered the hairdo.</p><p>“And last but not least, my hair twin. Before he tries to convince you otherwise, I had it first.”</p><p>The bleached blond guy looked up at him with an unimpressed cold look on his face. A wave of nostalgia washed over Robbe. He reached out his hand. “Hi, I’m Robbe. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>The guy shook his hand and mumbled “Sander.”</p><p>
  <em>Sander.</em>
</p><p>It was like the floor disappeared from under his feet. </p><p>
  <em>Sander. </em>
</p><p>Sander who lived next door when they were young. Sander he grew up with. Sander who took him on adventures and wasn’t afraid of anything, except for spiders. Sander who had mysteriously moved away when Robbe and his parents were on summer holiday. Sander he hadn’t seen in nine years.</p><p>Robbe was so shocked by their sudden reunion and the cold look on Sander’s face, that he didn’t say anything. Besides, he wasn’t even sure Sander had recognized him. Also, what would he even say to him? <em>“Hey bestie, haven’t seen you in nearly a decade after you disappeared off the face of the earth. How’s it going?”</em></p><p>What made Robbe’s stomach turn, was the fact that Sander didn’t act cold or distant towards any of their other roommates sitting around the table. He was making conversation with them and laughing at their jokes. The only person he wouldn’t look in the eye was Robbe. At the end of the night, Robbe wasn’t even sure if the Sander sitting in front of him was the same Sander from his childhood. Maybe Sander had a secret twin who was somehow also called Sander. That wouldn’t explain the identical birthmarks on his neck and cheek though. Or the scar next to his eye that he got from loosing his balance after Robbe jumped on his back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 23:57</strong>
</p><p>The last evening of introduction week had been surprisingly fun. Zoë’s speech had made him look differently at people. Suddenly they weren’t as annoying anymore. He drank a couple of beers, talked to some new people and let Noor drag him onto the dance floor. He even made out with a random guy.</p><p>At half past eleven, he had enough and returned to his dorm.</p><p>He just started making croques in the kitchen when Sander walked in.</p><p>“Back already?”</p><p>Sander jumped and turned around.</p><p>“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Did you, uh, have a good time?”</p><p>“Uh, no. I didn’t go out tonight,” said Sander. “Just came down to get some water.”</p><p>This was it. They were alone in the kitchen. This was his change to talk to him.</p><p>“Uh, you’re Sander right?”</p><p>Sander let out a sarcastic laugh. “Last time I checked, yeah.”</p><p>Maybe the secret twin theory wasn’t that crazy, because there was no way this was the same person as the warm and goofy Sander he remembered. Or maybe Sander hit his head and the brain injury changed his personality. Or maybe he just grew up and decided he didn’t like Robbe all that much. There was only one way to find out.</p><p>“I mean, you’re Sander from Berchem right? We used to be neighbors.”</p><p>
  <em>And best friends for life. </em>
</p><p>In Robbe’s dream scenario, this would be the moment when Sander would finally connect the dots and wrap him in an epic reunion hug after apologizing for not recognizing him sooner and acting like a douchebag. But looking at Sander’s face right now, that scenario was far from reality.</p><p>“Oh yeah, right,” said Sander like Robbe was freaking Seppe from down the street, who they only hung out with when there was no one else around, instead of his long lost best friend who he hadn’t seen in nearly a decade.</p><p>“I didn’t recognize you at first because of the hair,” said Robbe, awkwardly gesturing at his head.</p><p>Sander leaned a bit away from him, like Robbe just nearly stuck his eyes out. “Yeah, I dyed it.”</p><p>
  <em>That’s it? </em>
</p><p>When Robbe was younger, he used to lay in bed at night and imagine their reunion. A reunion in which Sander had a valid explanation for leaving and they would continue where they left of. Maybe it was childish of him for still believing that would happen. They were adults now. The fact that Robbe romanticized their childhood friendship didn’t mean Sander did. He probably didn’t even remember most of it. </p><p>“Anyway, I’m heading up.” Sander’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Robbe opened his mouth to say something, but Sander had already left the kitchen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have roughly written out the chapters so updates will come regularly! Let me know if I made any big spelling/grammer mistakes so I can correct them :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I Don't Need Your Help</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 17:05</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was sitting at the dining table, nose buried deep in his new study books. His classes didn’t start until Monday but a little head start couldn’t hurt. He liked buying new books. He liked the smell of them and the way they filled up his bookshelves. A person could never have enough books. One day he would like to own a house with an entire wall filled with bookshelves. </p><p>“I thought we were going to be roommates, not study buddies,” whined Jens, poking his head into the fridge.</p><p>“We literally just played Fortnite for three hours. I’m your roommate, not your personal entertainer.”</p><p>Jens rolled his eyes, putting a pack of milk back in the fridge after drinking straight from the carton.</p><p>“Alright, I’m heading out. Wanna watch Big Brother later?” </p><p>“Of course. I already scheduled it into my agenda,” Robbe joked.</p><p>“See you tonight nerd!” </p><p>“Bye.”</p><p>Robbe returned to his books. He started reading the same paragraph for the fourth time. His mind kept wandering back to his encounter with Sander last night. It was like his brain refused to accept that his apathetic bleached blonde roommate was the same person as his goofy childhood best friend.</p><p>When Robbe got home from summer holiday nine years ago, the first thing he did, was run over to Sander’s house and ring his doorbell. When no one answered the door, he assumed they went swimming at De Molen. When there still wasn’t anyone home after a few days, Robbe assumed they probably booked a last minute holiday. After two weeks he started to worry. His heart sank to his feet when he peeked through their window one day. The whole house was empty, only the curtains still hanging on the wall. He ran home, panicked tears running down his cheeks. His mom couldn’t reassure him because she was just as confused about the whole situation as he was. They asked their other neighbors if they knew anything about the sudden departure of Sander and his family. The only thing they were able to tell them was that they saw them load a moving truck a couple of weeks ago. </p><p>Robbe tried to find him for years. He looked him up on every possible social media platform, but Sander was nowhere to be found.</p><p>Until now. After all those years Sander reappeared into his life as unexpected as he left it. Looking nothing like he imagined him to look and acting like a completely different person.</p><p>Speaking of the devil, Sander and Noor walked into the kitchen, busy chatting about something artsy. </p><p>
  <em>Great. Now he was also stealing away his friends.</em>
</p><p>“Hey,” said Noor. “Already studying?”</p><p>“No, just curious,” he responded.</p><p>"That's the spirit. Did you hear Mathis already quit? Last week he couldn't shut up about how great Business Administration was and now he already changed his mind. I feel like that's a new record."</p><p>Robbe got distracted by how Sander was eating his cookie. It was still the same ritual as all those years ago. First, he nibbled at the corners. Then, he tried to split the chocolate from the cookie. He would usually fail at that step and frustratingly cram the broken cookie into his mouth. But apparently he mastered his skill, seeing how he split the chocolate from the cookie effortlessly. He went on to eat the cookie, leaving the best for last. </p><p>Sander caught him staring. “What?”</p><p>Robbe quickly shook his head. “Nothing.”</p><p>Every interaction with Sander was making him nervous. He was still hoping for him to come around, only to have his heart shattered a little bit more with every tense interaction. Robbe needed to focus his mind on something else, so he got up to bring his dishes to the kitchen. He washed his plate and continued cleaning up the rest of the kitchen counter.</p><p>Sander grabbed the bag of cookies from his hand. “I wasn’t done with that.”</p><p>“Oh, uh, sorry I assumed-“ Robbe stammered.</p><p>“Well, stop assuming. There are more people living here.”</p><p>Noor furrowed her brows at them. “There’s a weird vibe going on here.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 22:14</strong>
</p><p>“Robbe, have you seen Daisy?” said Keisha, looking around the living room.</p><p>
  <em>Oh god, please don’t tell me there’s another roommate.</em>
</p><p>“Uh no, who is that?”</p><p>“My cat.” She bent down to look under the couches and bookcases.</p><p>
  <em>A cat??</em>
</p><p>“We have a cat?”</p><p>“No, <em>I </em>have a cat. She usually stays in my room and goes outside through my window but someone left the window in the hallway open so I think my door must have blown open.”</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>He had put the window in the hallway open against his bedroom window in an attempt to get the Ikea smell out of his room.</p><p>“I may have accidentally left the window open,” Robbe confessed. A feeling of guilt crept up on him. One week of living here and he already made someone’s pet disappear.</p><p>“Oh. It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. She’s just not used to being outside in the dark," said Keisha with a worried look on her face. </p><p>Robbe stood up from the couch. “I’ll help you search.”</p><p>-</p><p>When Robbe used to fantasize about college, he fantasized about sitting in fancy lecture halls, attending crazy dorm parties, going on study trips abroad and spending days at the library with too many coffee breaks. He did not fantasize about looking for a stupid cat in the rain.</p><p>He hated cats. Always had. He didn’t like how you had to win them over, how they didn’t immediately give you their unconditional love like dogs did. Or how they were more attached to places than to people. Although, he had to admit that was probably smart. Places couldn’t hurt your feelings like people could. Maybe he had too much in common with cats and that was why they didn’t get along.</p><p>A white cat with two black dots on his back brushed past him. Robbe grabbed his phone to compare it to the picture of Daisy that Keisha had sent him before they split up. </p><p>Unless there was another cat walking around the neighborhood with the same very specific dots on her back, this was definitely Daisy.</p><p>
  <em>Thank god. </em>
</p><p>The thought of Keisha being mad at him had kept his stomach in knots for the past hour. He couldn't deal with people being mad at him, or disappointed in him. He basically feared every form of rejection. It physically made him sick. That was probably also why the situation with Sander had kept him up at night. </p><p>Daisy looked up at him. Now came the hard part. He had to pick her up. Cats usually didn’t like it when Robbe tried to pick them up. He didn’t know what he did wrong, whether he was too careful or too fast or was just holding them the wrong way. Either way, he always ended up with scratches all over his arms.</p><p>The cat stroked her head against his leg again. This was the moment. Robbe reached down and carefully wrapped his hands under her belly. He lifted her up, the cat folding around his hands. It always freaked him out how flexible cats were. Did they even have a bone structure? </p><p>Daisy apparently didn’t appreciate the way Robbe was holding her like a wet towel, her nails resisting against his grip. That was enough for Robbe to panic and immediately drop her on the ground. He wasn’t looking for a fight that he would lose.</p><p>He reached for his phone while having an intense staring contest with the cat. He wasn’t going to let her escape after walking through the cold rain and getting his arms scratched.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Keisha</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>I found her</p><p>But she doesn’t want me to pick her up</p><p>Should I send my location?</p><p>Yes!! Thank you🙏</p><p>Omw</p><hr/><p>Robbe awkwardly waited next to the cat, making sure she couldn’t run away without getting too close to upset her again. Daisy walked a few steps down the street.</p><p>"Don't you dare," he whispered. </p><p>Keisha came running around the corner a few minutes later. Daisy let herself be picked up without any complaints, immediately purring at the sight of her owner. </p><p>“Thanks for finding her,” said Keisha as they walked back home. “You almost got yourself at the top of my least favorite roommate list.”</p><p>
  <em>I think l am already at the top of someone else’s.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 09:02</strong>
</p><p>On Monday, Robbe had his first day of classes. The lecture started at nine, but he arrived 15 minutes earlier to make sure he got a good spot. Finding the lecture hall hadn't been a problem since he already knew the campus map by heart. He sat down on a seat in the middle of the lecture hall. Sitting in the front would make him look like a teacher's pet but sitting in the back would make him look disinterested. So he settled for the middle. This way he also didn't need to get up if anyone wanted to sit in the same row.  </p><p>Aaron walked into the lecture hall, wearing the top half of his Adidas tracksuit and a pair of jeans. He looked a little lost. Robbe waved at him. Aaron’s face lit up, waving back enthusiastically. A few moments later, he plopped down on the seat next to him.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>Aaron gave him a confused look. “We have class now, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, but this is psychology.”</p><p>He nodded in agreement, taking of his jacket. </p><p>
  <em>Huh. </em>
</p><p>Robbe tilted his head. “Hold on, you’re also a psychology major?” </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Robbe didn’t know why that shocked him so much. He never even wondered what Aaron was studying. He just saw him as this chaotic roommate who spent his days partying and smoking weed with friends. </p><p>“But I didn’t even see you last week?”</p><p>His roommate furrowed his brows at him. “Uh, yes you did. We literally spent all Friday together. How wasted were you?” </p><p>“No, at the introduction lectures I mean.”</p><p>Aaron laughed. “Nobody attends those things bro. I’m surprised you weren’t the only one there.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>Maybe he really was a nerd. </p><p>“Why did you choose psychology?” he couldn’t help but wonder.</p><p>“I had a school psychologist that helped me a lot when I got bullied in high school. I guess I would like to be that for other kids,” Aaron said. </p><p>Robbe had never seen this serious side of him. He didn't know he had it in him. Maybe Aaron was more than just a crackhead. </p><p>“Oh wow. That’s really cool.”</p><p>“Didn’t expect me to have a braincell, huh?” </p><p>“No I, uh-“ Robbe stammered.</p><p>“It’s okay. You’re not the first,” he said, grabbing a notebook and a pen from his backpack.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 16:33</strong>
</p><p>Robbe needed a job. College life was expensive, especially when you refused to accept money from your dad. Student loans saved his ass a little but he still needed some extra money if he didn’t want to be paying back his student debt for the rest of his life. On the campus tour last week, he had come across an application for student jobs at the university library. It sounded like the perfect job. He liked being around books and it didn’t entail too much responsibility for him to stress out about. </p><p>He walked up to the front desk at the library. A girl with a dark red hijab was sitting behind the computer. Her name tag read Yasmina.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows at him. “Can I help you?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Are you hiring at the moment?” Robbe asked, nervously tapping his feet.</p><p>“Depends.”</p><p>“Uh, on what?”</p><p>“If you’re going to take advantage of the index to look up girls.”</p><p>“What? No! I don’t even like girls!”</p><p>“I’m kidding,” she grinned. “Do you have any experience with filing books?”</p><p>“Uh no, I don’t,” he said, already accepting his rejection.</p><p>“Do you know how to use a printer?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Can you start on Thursday?”</p><p>“Wait, really?” he gasped, smiling brightly.</p><p>Yasmina laughed. “Calm down, it’s not that exciting. You’ll mostly be putting books on shelves.”</p><p>“Thank you so much! I won’t disappoint.”</p><p>He couldn't believe he got the job. Things finally seemed to go right in his life again. </p><p>“One o’clock,” she said. “Don’t be late.”</p><hr/><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">Broerrrs</span>
  </b>
</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Broerrrs hangout in my room on friday</p><p>Bring ur own booze🤙🏻</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: This is just your way of getting us to serve you beer in bed isn’t it?</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: 🤷‍♀️</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: I’m in🍻🍻🍻🍻</p><p>@Robbe are you also coming or do you need to study?</p><p>That was ONE time</p><p>Stop nerd shaming me. We’re not in high school anymore</p><p><b>Moyo</b>: Did you also have one of those huge eastpaks in high school?</p><p>No</p><p><b>Jens</b>: Yes he did</p><p>Let me find a picture</p><p>I don’t even know why i’m still friends with you </p><p><b>Jens</b>: Bc u love me xoxo</p><p><b>Aaron</b>: Why is senne not in this chat?</p><p>Is he also too cool for us?</p><p><b>Moyo</b>: Because the dude has sworn off all forms of sm</p><p>He says it makes him more grounded</p><p>Still drives around in a Tesla tho </p><p><b>Jens</b>: </p><p>
  
</p><p><b>Aaron</b>: Hahahahahaha</p><p><b>Moyo</b>: Just like i imagined😂</p><p>🖕🖕🖕</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 23:57</strong>
</p><p>Robbe had been turning and tossing in his bed for over an hour. He couldn’t sleep and for once it wasn’t due to his insomnia. Sander had been blasting the same three David Bowie songs all evening. The paper tin walls not only let through every sound, but also the penetrating smell of weed. He still couldn’t believe Sander’s room was next to his. What were the chances of them being neighbors twice?</p><p>Normally Robbe would have put his headphones on and watched some Netflix, but he really wanted some sleep tonight. He had lectures all morning, directly followed by his first workday at the library. Yasmina didn’t seem like the type of person who would care for his excuses about a roommate who kept him up all night. He considered knocking on Sander’s door to ask him to turn the volume down. That probably wouldn’t go well, bearing in mind their last encounters. But he also needed to set his boundaries. He couldn't let Sander affect his life like this.</p><p>He got up and quickly put on a hoodie and some sweatpants. Just when he was about to knock on Sander's door, the music stopped.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Casa Anubis</span>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong>Amber</strong>: Who’s playing music? </p><p>Pls turn it down. i’m trying to get my 8 hours</p><p><b>Aaron</b>: Just so you know, i dont think you need it😊</p><p><b>Amber</b>: ??</p><p><b>Aaron</b>: Nvm</p><p><b>Jana</b>: @Sander</p><p><b>Sander</b>: Sorry</p><p>I’ll turn it down</p><p><b>Amber</b>: Thx</p><p>Also, what’s that weird smell?</p><p><b>Luca</b>: That’s weed amber</p><p>What rock have you’re been living under</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 17:48</strong>
</p><p>Robbe just got home from his first day working at the library. He thought it went alright. He didn’t break the printer or accidentally take any library books home. He also didn’t look up any girls in the index. Yasmina seemed to like him, even though he was a little scared to make mistakes in front of her.</p><p>After taking off his coat and dropping his heavy backpack on the ground, he walked into the living room. Luca, Moyo, Senne and Sander were hanging around the fireplace. Sander was petting Daisy, who was peacefully purring on his lap.</p><p>
  <em>Of course he gets along with the fucking cat. </em>
</p><p>Robbe sat down next to Luca, as far away from Sander as possible. Her and Moyo seemed to be in the middle of a fiery debate.</p><p>“Have you ever played the Sims?” said Luca. </p><p>“Uh, yeah. What does that have to do with it?” </p><p>“Everything. Have you ever lighted a fireplace in the Sims without burning the house down?”</p><p>“Eh, no but that doesn’t mean that would happen in real life,” Moyo argued.</p><p>“Have you looked at the thing? Does it look like a cozy fire has burned in it in the last forty years? The only substance that fireplace has experienced latety is Jens’ puke. Lighting it would definitely go wrong.”</p><p>Moyo looked at Sander and Senne for support.</p><p>“Give it up man. She’s right,” said Sander.</p><p>“Thanks for having my back bro. There’s a spider on your shoulder by the way.” Moyo casually mentioned.</p><p>Sander froze, his face turning as white as his hair. </p><p>As a kid, Sander didn’t have any fears. He climbed tries, did backflips into the pool and watched horror movies in the dark. The only thing that scared him to dead, were spiders. Robbe found out one night when they were watching a movie in his room. After letting out a panicked shriek, Sander had flung himself into Robbe’s lap and buried his face in his shoulder. A medium sizes spider was sitting in front of the TV. Robbe had to talk Sander down for ten minutes before he agreed to let go of him. When Robbe picked up the spider to bring it outside, Sander had almost fainted.</p><p>The frightened look on his face right now didn’t match his outfit. It made him look younger, more vulnerable.</p><p>Robbe still wasn’t used to Sander’s new style. The hair being the biggest shock, although he had to admit it soothed him. It made his green eyes and dark eyebrows stand out. But it also made him look colder, especially in combination with the solely black and white wardrobe. Robbe was used to him wearing bright oversized sweaters that his mom bought at second hand shops. Robbe always admired his confidence. When all other 12-year-olds were rocking the Bieber haircut and designer clothes, Sander still wore his second hand sweaters that matched his messy brown hair.</p><p>Robbe’s thoughts snapped back to the present. No one seemed to notice how scared Sander was. He decided to get up. He would just take the spider of his shoulder. No big deal. </p><p>Daisy jumped of Sander’s lap, as if she sensed the tenseness of the situation. </p><p>“What are you doing?” said Sander with a weak panicked voice.</p><p>“I’m taking it off,” Robbe replied, leaning over him. </p><p>“I don’t need your help.” His eyes seemed to be telling a different story.</p><p>The spider walked onto the couch.</p><p>“Fine. It’s on the couch, you can move.”</p><p>Robbe didn’t need to tell him twice. Sander abruptly jumped up and sprinted to his room, leaving the others behind confused to what just happened.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 20:45</strong>
</p><p>With a couple of beers in his hands, Robbe walked into Aaron’s room. It reminded him of one of those hoarder rooms you see on TV. There was weird stuff everywhere. The walls were filled with stolen street signs of funny sounding streets. Above the couch, Aaron had hung up a couple of shelves which served as an altar for his collection of vodka bottles and troll dolls from the nineties. The outside of his wardrobe was covered head to toe in Pokémon cards. Robbe wondered how Aaron had managed to gather so much crap when he had only been living here for a week.</p><p>He put the beers in the mini fridge that served as a multipurpose bedside table and sat down next to Moyo on the couch.</p><p>“You really don’t think I stand a chance with her?” Aaron asked.</p><p>“Not if you keep making weird comments like that without ever having a conversation with her,” said Jens. “Just talk to her. Show some interest. Ask her about her day or something.”</p><p>“I tried!” Aaron whined.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Luca and Jana were making fun of me.”</p><p>Jens gave him a sympathetic smile. “You should try talking to her when no one is around,” he suggested.</p><p>“How do you expect me to do that?” said Aaron. “There’s always someone around. I can’t even take a shit in peace in this house. This morning, I sat down on the toilet and Sander just walked in to brush his teeth.”</p><p>“Yeah, we should really get that lock fixed,” said Moyo.</p><p>“What’s his deal anyway?” said Robbe. He was desperate to find out what the guys thought of Sander. Jens and Moyo had already been living with him for a year before Robbe moved in. Jens never mentioned hanging out with Sander but he never complained about him either.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Sander. Does he have some kind of superiority complex or something? Or is it just me he has a problem with?”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know what’s up with him lately,” said Jens. “He used to be pretty chill.”</p><p>“Maybe he’s on his period,” said Aaron.</p><p>“Dude,” groaned Jens.</p><p>Aaron gave them a confused look. “What? He’s a pan, right?” </p><p>“First of all,” Moyo started. “He’s pan, not <em>a</em> pan. He’s not kitchenware. Second of all, the fact that he’s not straight doesn’t mean he has a period.”</p><p>“It was a joke!”</p><p>“Not a funny joke bro.”</p><p>“Oh.” Aaron seemed to understand. “Okay.”</p><p>Wait a minute, Sander was pan? Why didn’t he know that? That seemed like the type of information you would share with your best friend. Somehow Robbe had always been under the impression that Sander was straight. Not that he ever said anything to indicate that. They never talked about girls or any of that stuff. But they never talked about boys either. Sander occasionally would walk around their neighborhood chanting that they would get married, but that was just something kids do. Maybe Sander didn’t know back then. It was not like Robbe was completely aware of his sexuality as a kid. The only thing he was vaguely aware of, was his crush on Belgian superhero Mega Toby.</p><p>“Are you pan as well?”</p><p>“Huh?” Robbe snapped out of his thoughts.</p><p>“I saw you making out with that guy on Friday,” said Aaron.</p><p>Robbe had already forgotten about that. He didn’t even remember the guy’s name. All he remembered was that he had been drunk and horny and the guy smelled nice.</p><p>“Fuck! Did I just- are you not out yet?” Aaron asked with a guilty look on his face.</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have been making out with a guy at intro week if I didn’t want people to know.”</p><p>“So you’re pan?”</p><p>“No, I don’t think so. I’ve only ever been into guys.”</p><p>“What kind of guys are you into?”</p><p>Jens and Moyo exchanged glances.</p><p>“What?” said Aaron. “Is that also rude?”</p><p>Robbe was used to being the only gay in the friend group. However, he wasn’t used to all these questions about his sexuality. Jens and his other friends in high school never made a big deal out of it.</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I don’t really have a type actually.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” said Moyo. “Everyone has a type.”</p><p>Robbe sighed. “Uh, I guess he has to be taller than me. I usually like guys with short hair, don’t really prefer a certain hair color. It’s also cool if he has his own style and like, is passionate about stuff.”</p><p>Moyo grinned. “That’s very specific for someone who doesn’t have a type.”</p><p>“So basically Sander?” said Jens.</p><p>Robbe scoffed. “I don’t know if you noticed but we're not really getting along.”</p><p>“Maybe he’s in love with you,” Jens joked, wiggling his eyebrows at him.</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Sure.”</p><p>Robbe hadn’t told the guys about his past with Sander. If he told Jens, Jens would probably tell Jana and Jana would definitely tell everybody. Sander acting cold towards him was painful enough as it was, he didn’t want to get the whole house involved in their drama. It was probably also the last time him and Sander shared a secret. He liked to keep it that way for a little longer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was supposed to post this tomorrow but I don't have any patience so here you go :') Next chapter will have more angst so bear with me (also sorry for the crappy photoshop ashjdf)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Time Takes a Cigarette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 12:25</strong>
</p><p>October was almost over. Robbe had survived his first few weeks of college. He was surprised at how fast he had adjusted to his new life. It felt like he had been living with his roommates for years.</p><p>Noor dropped two bottles of sunscreen into their shopping cart.</p><p>“Don’t you think that’s a bit too much? It’s almost November, I’m pretty sure you won’t get a sunburn,” he said.</p><p>“You would be surprised at how sensitive my skin is,” she said. “It’s two for one anyway.”</p><p>The whole house was going on a trip to the beach for fall break next weekend. Senne’s parents owned a chalet there big enough to fit all of them. Robbe had decided not to join them. He had a paper due after the break and wanted to visit his mom on Monday. Besides, he was really excited to have the house to himself for the entire week. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had been home alone.</p><p>Zoë returned from the vegetable section with a colorful assortment of vegetables.</p><p>“Oh sunscreen, smart!” she said, dropping the vegetables into the cart. “We really can’t convince you to come?”</p><p>Robbe smiled. “Don’t think so. I’m really looked forward to having the house to myself. Maybe I’ll walk around naked all week, who knows.”</p><p>“As long as you warn Sander before you take of your clothes,” Noor grinned.</p><p>“Why would I- no no no don’t tell me-“</p><p>She gave him a sympathetic smile. “He decided to stay home after all.”</p><p>“Why?” Robbe whined.</p><p>“Apparently the studio’s at the academy are empty during the break and he needed to finish some assignments.”</p><p>His mood immediately dropped. He had been looking forward to a relaxed week by himself. Now it felt more like a prison sentence. How the hell was he going to survive being alone with Sander all week?</p><p>“Maybe it will give you guys a chance to talk things out?” Zoë suggested. </p><p>“Yeah I don’t think so. I’ll just stay out of his way.”</p><p>“I still don’t understand how I’ve managed to become friends with the only two people in our house who can’t stand each other,” said Noor as they headed to the checkout. </p><p>“Yeah, I really thought you two would get along,” Zoë added.</p><p>
  <em>Me too.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 17:04</strong>
</p><p>Robbe just got home from visiting his mom. He always felt like shit afterwards but still tried to visit her once a week. He knew she got taken care of at the sheltered housing but he still felt guilty for not visiting more often. It was just too painful seeing his mom like that, not being able to take good care of herself. She had been getting a little better lately, but still not enough to able to live on her own.</p><p>He opened his bedroom door to find Jens playing Fortnite on his bed. It had been like this since high school. Jens would always invite himself to his place, even when he wasn’t home. Robbe would return home after school and find Jens chatting with his mom in the kitchen. He didn’t mind. He liked the company and Jens always sensed when he wanted to be left alone. He was like a brother to him, filling up a portion of the Sander shaped hole in his life.</p><p>“Wow, I could have sworn this was my room,” he said sarcastically, taking off his shoes. He sat down next to Jens on the bed.</p><p>“What’s up?” said Jens without taking his eyes of the screen.</p><p>“I went by my mom’s.”</p><p>“How is she?”</p><p>“Better, I think. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m afraid she’ll never be able to live on her own again.”</p><p>“I thought she liked it there?”</p><p>“Yeah, she says she does but I feel like she’s just saying that to make me feel better.”</p><p>“At least you have more time to visit her next week,” said Jens in an attempt to make him feel better. </p><p>“Yeah, true. By the way, did you hear? Turns out I won’t have the house to myself next week,” Robbe sighed.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Guess who else decided to stay home.”</p><p>“Sander,” said Jens without hesitating. </p><p>“Can you believe it? Why doesn’t he just leave me the fuck alone?”</p><p>“I don’t know. You tell me.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>Jens put the controller down to face Robbe. “When I don’t like someone, I try to stay away from them as much as possible. Sander’s not exactly doing that.”</p><p>“You don’t say. That’s exactly the problem,” said Robbe, making a frustrated gesture with his hands.</p><p>Jens didn’t respond. He just kept staring him in the eye.</p><p>“What?” Robbe asked awkwardly, trying to avoid Jens’ intense stare. </p><p>“Are you not telling me something?”</p><p>Sometimes he wondered if Jens had a sixth sense. He was like Antwerp’s very own gossip girl, except he didn’t even need people to tell him the gossip. Most of the time, he just guessed. It was nearly impossible to keep a secret from him.</p><p>“Uh, no. Why would I- What would-“ he stuttered.</p><p>“Oh my god, Robbe stop lying. You don’t have the talent.”</p><p>Robbe sighed. He lay down on his back, staring at the ceiling.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” said Jens. “We can just play Fortnite.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I just need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“I won’t, I promise.”</p><p>“I don’t know. It’s difficult to explain,” said Robbe, rubbing his face.</p><p>“I’m listening,” said Jens as he turned the TV off.</p><p>He took a deep breath. Where did he even begin?</p><p>“Sander and I know each other,” he started.</p><p>Jens raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You do?”</p><p>“We, uh, grew up together. He used to live next door and-“</p><p>“You <em>grew up</em> together?” said Jens, clearly not expecting that.</p><p>“Yeah. We were really close and, uh, one summer I came back from holiday and he was gone.”</p><p>Jens stared at him like he expected him to continue. “What do you mean ‘gone’? You make it sound like a thriller.”</p><p>“I mean gone gone. They moved away without telling anyone. I never heard from him again.”</p><p>
  <em>Okay maybe it does sound like a thriller.</em>
</p><p>Jens shifted on the bed, now directly facing Robbe. “Wait, hold on. So you and Sander were friends when you were kids? When was this?”</p><p>“I was ten when he moved away. “</p><p>“And after that you never saw him again?”</p><p>“No. Not until now,” said Robbe, fumbling with the zipper of his sweater.</p><p>“What the fuck.” Jens leaned back, taking the information in. “Did you talk to him?”</p><p>“I tried. He didn’t deny it or anything. He just doesn’t care.”</p><p>Jens frowned. “How close were you exactly?”</p><p>“I spent more time with him than with my own dad.”</p><p>“Damn.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“And he never said goodbye? Not even a note or anything?”</p><p>“No,” said Robbe with a small voice. It still hurt, even after all these years. He had searched everywhere for a clue from Sander. He went by all the places they hung out together, their secret hut behind Sander’s house, the playground, his rooftop where they would lay down looking at the stars in summer. He came up short every time. He asked all the kids in their neighborhood about Sander, but none of them were able to tell him where he was.</p><p>“And you never noticed anything before he left?”</p><p>Robbe went over that a hundred times already. He analyzed every aspect of their last conversation, but there was nothing unusual about it. Sander came over in the afternoon to hang out before Robbe would leave for France the next morning. Sander had been to the city to buy some new sketchbooks and had run into his dad on his way home. They discussed what equipment they needed to finish building their secret hut after Robbe would come back from his holiday. He left when Robbe needed to go downstairs for diner. He promised to send him a postcard from France and Sander promised to write him back. He never did.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Maybe he was afraid of telling you?” Jens suggested.</p><p>“I don’t know. I wanted to ask him so many questions but the more he acts like a dick, the more I don’t want to know anymore.”</p><p>“Shit bro. And here I was thinking you two just had some sexual tension going on.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 15:12</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Casa Anubis</span>
  </strong>
</p><p><b>Amber</b>: Hey roomies! Luca and i decided to throw a house party on friday😃  the theme is tight and bright✨</p><p>And you’re all invited ofc </p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: The fuck does tight and bright mean?</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Fun!</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Yeah no </p><p>Not gonna happen</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: Oh come on! I’m sure u can pull it off😘</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: I agree</p><p><strong>Zoë</strong>: Next time let us know a little earlier okay? i wanted to study on saturday before we leave</p><p><strong>Amber</strong>: Not everything is about studying Zoë</p><p><strong>Zoë</strong>: ...</p><p>What time does it start?</p><p><strong>Amber</strong>: 10 but be a bit earlier so the party doesn’t look boring🤗</p><p>Okay</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: Can’t wait to see those skinny legs in tights🤩💦</p><hr/><p>Robbe groaned, putting his phone in his back pocket. He had been in classes all day. He was starving. With the vague memory of a pack of noodles in his cub board, he headed for the kitchen. </p><p>Adi was sitting at the kitchen table. The counter was filled with dirty dishes and a pile of food that looked like kebab.</p><p>“Oh, uh, I just need to heat up some noodles and I’ll be out of your way.”</p><p>“No stay! Have a seat bro,” said Adi, gesturing at the empty seat next to him.</p><p>“Uh, okay.” Robbe sat down.</p><p>“Want some?” Adi asked, pointing at the kebab. “We’ve made enough to feed an orphanage.”</p><p>“No, thanks. I have my noodles.”</p><p>Adi smiled. “I remember those days. I ate so much noodles my first year of college that I can’t even stand the smell anymore. But seriously, have some,” he said, nodding at the counter.</p><p>Robbe hesitated. It did smell good. “I don’t think Sander would appreciate me eating his food.”</p><p>“Sander doesn’t mind, trust me,” said Adi, rolling his eyes. “Besides, he’s the one letting his friend live here.”</p><p>Zoë hadn’t exaggerated when she said Adi was basically living here. Robbe ran into him more often than some of his roommates. </p><p>“You like it here that much?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. But I also live an hour away from campus, so I come here in between classes,” he said, putting a plate in front of him. “Does it bother you?”</p><p>Robbe shook his head. “No, not at all. Twelve or thirteen people doesn’t really make a difference.”</p><p>He took a small bite of the kebab. It was delicious.</p><p>“I already like you more than Sander,” he said, contently digging into the food.</p><p>“That’s not that difficult, is it?” Adi grinned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 08:39</strong>
</p><p>Robbe overslept. He never overslept. Usually he would set five alarms and get out of bed before the second alarm would go off. Either he forgot to set an alarm last night or his phone was up for renewal. Either way, he needed to hurry the fuck up if he still wanted to make it to his class on time.</p><p>After cursing at his phone for a minute, he jumped out of bed. He grabbed the nearest pair of clothes he could find and threw them on. Showering would have to wait till he got back from campus. He stormed out of his room, anxiety running high. At the same time, Sander also walked out of his room, crashing straight into Robbe. </p><p>Sander’s art equipment fell out of his hands. Pencils, a sketchbook and some photographs were scattered on the floor. The photographs caught Robbe’s eye. Was that a photo from his Instagram?</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck. </em>
</p><p>“What the fuck? Why are you walking around with photo’s of my face?”</p><p>Sander turned crimson, the pink shade running all the way down his neck. </p><p>“It’s not what you think l-“</p><p>“You what? What are you going to use those for?”</p><p>Sander’s face turned an even darker shade of pink. “I, uh, I was just, uh-“ he stuttered with panic in his eyes.</p><p>“Going to make funny memes out of them? Hmm? Hang them all around campus? Are you really that childish?”</p><p>Sander’s posture changed, like he suddenly remembered tough guys like him don’t blush and stutter. He straightened his back and pointed his chin up, making himself look taller than he was. It did funny things to Robbe’s stomach.</p><p>“It’s kind of funny, you have to agree,” he said with a fake smile.</p><p>“Seriously? Give them to me.” Robbe grabbed the papers out of his hands. He crammed them into his bag, shoving Sander on his way to the stairs. “You’re a creep, you know that right?”</p><p>“I can just print them again,” Sander called after him when he was already downstairs.</p><p>“Wouldn’t try that if I were you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 12:41</strong>
</p><p>“How is college life treating you?” asked Yasmina.</p><p>They had been filing books in comfortable silence for a while. Robbe liked how stress free the job was. It was a nice change for the rest of his life. </p><p>“Quite good actually. I like my course and my roommates are chill. I mean, most of them,” he said while collecting the books a student had requested. </p><p>“Let me guess. Is Moyo being annoying? Or is Amber getting on your nerves?”</p><p>“Uh no, they’re alright. I’m, uh, not really getting along with Sander.”</p><p>“Sander?” Yasmina frowned. “Really? Doesn’t sound like him. What happened?”</p><p>
  <em>Well we used to be inseparable as kids and then he disappeared and now he hates me.</em>
</p><p>“I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem to like me very much. Why, do you know him?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s friends with my brother. I’ll ask him when he comes over sometime. Oh before I forget, I know it’s last minute but would you like to help me out with a lecture tomorrow? We’re doing a screening of The Wolf of Wall Street with a lecture afterwards. I already prepared everything and only need someone to look after the beamer.”</p><p>“Yeah sure, no problem.”</p><p>“Great! You should invite your friends if you like. There’ll be free drinks, if it helps convincing them. I know Jens and Moyo are sensitive to that,” she winked.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Broerrrs</span> </strong>
</p><p>U guys wanna come to a lecture in the library tomorrow?</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: We have a library?</p><p>Sometimes i wonder how you ever finished high school</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Can we get credits for that?</p><p>No </p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: I’m gonna pass</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Same</p><p>Jens?</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Nah sorry bro</p><p>Not even for the free beer?</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: There’ll be free beer???</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Yeah okay we’ll come</p><p>Always nice to know how persuasive free alcohol is😏</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Let’s make that the pregame and go out afterwards💃</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: 🍺🍺🍺🍺</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 23:22</strong>
</p><p>The lecture went well. Yasmina had seemed pleased with his assisting skills. The guys sat down in the back, looking on their phones the entire time. But at least they showed up and kept their mouths shut. They left the library at ten, after Robbe had forced Aaron to put back the ten bottles of beer that he had managed to sneak into his bag. </p><p>Robbe liked going out. He liked looking forward to it all week. He liked the pre-games with friends, how low key it was and how they would make predictions about how the night would turn out. He liked being in the club where everything was loud and busy so there was no room left to think. Sometimes he even liked the hangovers. The drama of it all. The swearing he would never drink again, only to forget about that once the headache and nausea faded away. But most of all, he liked the reminiscing afterwards. Opening Instagram the next morning and seeing the unflattering stories, hearing the crazy anecdotes about the things he missed that made the night seem better than it actually was.</p><p>Moyo had been going on about the type of guys Robbe was into, which is how they ended up in a gay bar on a Thursday night.</p><p>He and Moyo were on their third flaming shot. Aaron disappeared a while ago and Jens was talking to a bartender. Out of nowhere, Aaron reappeared, bouncing on his feat.</p><p>“Dude. Everyone is so nice in here. A guy just complemented my outfit,” Aaron shouted into his ear.</p><p>Robbe scanned his outfit. Aaron was wearing his signature look; an Adidas jacket with jeans. Not exactly a bold fashion statement. </p><p>“He was hitting on you,” said Robbe, taking a sip of his beer to flush away the sharp taste of the flaming shot.</p><p>“What? No he wasn’t! He said blue really is my color.”</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “We’re in a gay bar Aaron.”</p><p>Aaron’s eyes widened. “Fuck! I thought he was just being nice. Wait, is this what it’s like for girls?”</p><p>“Probably,” he replied.</p><p>Jens joined them. All of a sudden, the bartenders walked over to them. They were cheerfully singing happy birthday with a fireworks cocktail in their hands.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>They handed the cocktail over to Moyo, congratulating him and kissing him on the cheek.</p><p>“I told them it’s his birthday,” Jens whispered into his ear.</p><p>Moyo didn’t seem to question what was going on. He played along right away, thanking everyone for their birthday wishes while taking sips of his cocktail. He even let himself be lifted on the shoulders of two muscular looking guys, who carried him to the middle of the dance floor. Moyo waved at them. Robbe put his beer on the bar and followed them onto the dance floor.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 02:44</strong>
</p><p>He came home drunk. Not the kind of drunk where you feel a bit lightheaded and need a glass of water. It was the kind of drunk where everything is spinning and it’s a miracle you even make it up the stairs. He really should’ve taken it easy on those gin tonics at the end.</p><p>After tripping over his own feet a couple of times, he made it upstairs. He flung open his bedroom door, not even bothering to switch on the light. Which was handy for the energy bill. The fact that he was too wasted to find the light switch, definitely didn’t have anything to do with it. </p><p>Robbe started taking of his clothes. He was ready to jump into bed and sleep for however long his alcohol induced brain would allow him. </p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” said a rough voice behind his back.</p><p>Robbe let out a high pitched shriek. His eyes roamed around the room, trying to adjust to the dark. The only thing he could make out, was a bleached mop of hair hovering above his pillow. </p><p>
  <em>Are you fucking kidding me.</em>
</p><p>This guy was getting less and less original with ways to annoy him.</p><p>“Getting ready for bed, thank you very much. What do you think <em>you’re</em> doing?”</p><p>Sander looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “I was sleeping until someone decided to burst into my room and get naked.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>Like most people, Robbe didn’t have a filter when he was drunk. It wasn’t like his mouth said things he didn’t want to say. It was more like the alcohol convinced him it would be hilarious to dump his entire thought process on someone. On second thoughts, maybe alcohol did make him say things he didn’t want.</p><p>“You know that’s not allowed right?” he said, waving an unsteady hand at the graffiti on Sander’s wall.</p><p>“You should call the police then,” said Sander. He rolled on his side, his back facing Robbe.</p><p>“Hmm yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it. What does it say?” He tried to make out the bold letters in the dark. “‘Timo takes a cigarette’? Who’s Timo? Oh no wait, ‘<em>time </em>takes a cigarette’. I see. Very edgy. Very you.”</p><p>“Go to sleep Robbe. You’re drunk,” Sander groaned.</p><p>Robbe turned around to walk to his actual room. He hesitated.</p><p>“You know, that’s the first time you’ve said my name.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That’s the first time you’ve said my name since I arrived here.”</p><p>“Congrats on your observation skills. Now can you leave my fucking room?”</p><p>“Of course. I’ll leave your conscious and my observation skills alone. Goodnight.” said a barechested Robbe, heading for the doorway feeling all sassy en satisfied.</p><p>
  <em>The game is on, motherfucker.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Are you ready for robbe and sander to be by themselves all week next chapter?!</p><p>Come talk to me on tumblr @goeie-morgen :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You Still Smell the Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 00:46</strong>
</p><p>Their living room was packed with people, most of them Robbe had never seen before. He was standing in the corner, sipping at his beer and feeling a bit insecure. He obediently followed the dress code of their house party, which is how he ended up wearing an oversized pink tank top with green gym shorts and neon yellow tights underneath. It definitely was a look. </p><p>He still had a hangover from last night. He couldn’t remember half of it. It probably meant that he had a good time but he’d still like to know what he had been up to. He remembered Moyo getting carried onto the dance floor because of his fake birthday but after that it got a bit blurry. It was a miracle he even made it into bed. Looking at all the sweating bodies crammed up in their living room, he could use some fresh air. He wriggled his way through the crowd, relieved when he finally made it to the hallway and felt like he could breathe again.</p><p>Sander and a girl who looked suspiciously much like Britt from introduction week came walking down the stairs. The sight of the bleached blonde triggered a memory from last night. Had he been in Sander’s room?</p><p>Sander was wearing a rainbow colored tie-dye shirt with black biker shorts underneath. His bleached hair was wrapped in a neon headband. Robbe hadn’t expected him to go all out like this. He looked amazing. It was a shame his personality sucked.</p><p>“Nice tank top,” said Sander. “Beware of nip slips though.”</p><p>“Why? Afraid you can’t keep your hands to yourself?” Robbe snapped back. </p><p>He was done putting up with Sander’s shit. For weeks he kept quiet because he was so shocked by his behavior and secretly hoped Sander would turn around after a while. Since that clearly wasn’t going to happen, Robbe decided he would start standing up for himself.</p><p>“Robbe!” the blond girl standing next to Sander cheered. Apparently it really was Britt. </p><p>“How are you?” she asked, wrapping him in a hug.</p><p>“Uh, fine. You?” Robbe replied, shoulders tense. He couldn’t deny this was an uncomfortable situation. Britt and Sander clearly came walking down the stairs together. </p><p>Britt’s gaze went to Sander, who was staring down the hallway with an annoyed look on his face. Why did he look so good when he was annoyed? It wasn’t fair.</p><p>“You don’t like him?” she asked.</p><p>Robbe was done beating around the bush. Who was he even kidding?</p><p>“No, not really,” he said.</p><p>“Alright, I’m out of here then,” said Britt, grabbing her phone out of her pocket. </p><p>“Uh, you don’t have to-“</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I can’t deal with another asshole again and I really trust your judgement. I’ll talk to you later.” She gave him a thankful smile before heading out the door.</p><p>Robbe turned back around to Sander. He expected him to yell at him for blowing up his chance to get late tonight. Instead, Sander stared at him with a weird look on his face. He almost looked hurt.</p><p>Robbe shrugged and walked back into the living room.</p><p>
  <em>Whatever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-</em>
</p><p>The party was in full swing. People were dancing all around the house. There was an intense game of beer pong going on at the dining table. Most of his roommates were gathered around the fireplace and seemed to be in the middle of a drinking contest. It was the stereotypical college party Robbe had been looking forward to. But he was tired and his headache was getting worse by the minute. He longed for his bed upstairs that was probably occupied by a couple of strangers making out.</p><p>So he decided to make himself useful and began collecting the empty beer bottles that were scattered around the house. When he collected as many as his arms could handle, he took them to the kitchen. </p><p>Sander was making out with yet another blonde girl against the counter. Robbe rolled his eyes. His first instinct was to turn around and come back later, but he was done pleasing Sander. So without paying them any attention, he began putting the empty bottles away.</p><p>“Enjoying the view Robin?”</p><p>
  <em>Interesting.</em>
</p><p>Apparently he hit a nerve with the name thing. Robbe pretended he didn’t hear him and continued cleaning up the kitchen.</p><p>“I know you’re not great with social cues but some privacy would be nice,” Sander continued.</p><p>Somehow that was the final straw. Robbe had enough. For weeks he put up with Sander’s behavior because deep down he still believed Sander had a good explanation for everything and they could continue their friendship were they left off. But it was painfully clear now that his childhood best friend didn’t exist anymore. Maybe he never existed in the first place. Maybe Robbe’s brain romanticized the memories of their friendship over time to deal with the pain of Sander leaving. </p><p>“Okay, that’s it,” he snapped, putting the bottles down and turning towards him. Sander’s eyes shot up. If Robbe hadn’t known any better, he would’ve sworn he had been checking out his ass. “Outside, now.”</p><p>Sander stared at him with big eyes, cheeks flushed. It took a couple of seconds for him to get back to his arrogant self. “What?” he scoffed. “Are you going to beat me up?” </p><p>“No. We’re going to talk.”</p><p>“I don’t really feel like talking right now,” he said while leaning into the girl again. </p><p>“Don’t be a fucking asshole. Let’s go.” Robbe turned around and walked out of the house without checking if Sander was following him. </p><p>About a minute later, Sander appeared outside, suddenly seeming a lot less full of himself. He almost looked nervous. Robbe waited until Sander would look up from his shoes. When he realized that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, he just started talking. </p><p>“Look, you don’t have to like me but I’m done with your bullshit remarks. I want a quiet fall break without you nagging me all week. Do you think you can do that?”</p><p>Sander kept staring at his shoes, giving him a barely noticeable nod.</p><p>“Good. And just so you know, I’m not trying to be your friend, if that’s what you’re so afraid of. Just leave me alone and we’re good.”</p><p>Sander looked up with a sad look in his eyes. Another facial expression Robbe wasn’t used to from him. He almost started wondering what caused the blondes behavior to change so suddenly but pulled himself together just in time. He had put up with this fucker for way too long. </p><p>“Anything to add?” Robbe asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>Sander opened his mouth only to close it again. When he finally spoke, his voice was small and vulnerable. “I’m sorry. For- for how I acted.” </p><p>A few weeks ago Robbe would have killed for an apology from Sander. But right now it didn’t do much for him. It was too late.</p><p>“Okay, thank you,” he replied with a numb voice before heading back into the house.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 11:17</strong>
</p><p>Robbe woke up in panic, his heart beating in his throat. A shrill whistling filled up his room. For a second he didn’t know where he was or what was going on. The sound seemed to come from everywhere, like the whole house was screaming. He covered his ears and walked into the hallway, trying to find the source of the ear-splitting noise. </p><p>Sander’s door abruptly swung open, a bewildered Sander appearing in the door opening.</p><p>“What the fuck did you do?” Robbe tried to shout over the sound of the fire alarm.</p><p>Sander said something he couldn’t understand while making vague gestures towards his room. </p><p>Robbe followed him into his room to see what he meant. The room was filled with a faint smoke. Sander tapped him on his shoulders. He flinched, not expecting the sudden touch. Sander bent his knee and put his hands on them, palms facing up. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck no. </em>
</p><p>No way he was going to climb Sander’s body to reach the fire alarm on the ceiling. </p><p>Robbe shook his head. </p><p>“Come on!” Sander mouthed, tapping his knee.</p><p>He groaned. This was exactly the type of shit he imagined would happen when he found out he was going to be home alone with Sander for a week. Day one and it was already a mess. But the alarm wasn’t going to run out of batteries anytime soon.  So if he didn’t want to be deaf at the tender age of nineteen, he had no other choice than to climb Sander like a tree.</p><p>Robbe sighed, putting his feet on Sander’s knee and grabbing his shoulders for support. The position felt way too intimate for the state of their relationship. He pushed himself of against Sander’s knee and reached for the fire alarm. He couldn’t reach it. His arms were too short.</p><p>
  <em>For fuck’s sake.</em>
</p><p>This clearly wasn’t working. He bent his knees, trying to get back on the ground. Sander grabbed his waist to offer support. Robbe threw him an angry look and Sander quickly let go of his waist.</p><p>“It’s too high!” he yelled, making a reaching gesture with his arms.</p><p>Sander looked up at the ceiling. He crouched down, tapping his shoulders. He wanted Robbe to climb on his shoulders. </p><p>
  <em>Why.</em>
</p><p>But Robbe had already hovered his crotch in front of Sander’s face a minute ago. Having his head between his legs wouldn’t be that much weirder. Besides, the fire alarm was giving him a splitting headache. He was desperate to make it stop. So he wrapped his legs around Sander’s shoulders, holding his bleached blonde head for support. Sander grabbed his legs and slowly stood up. The fire alarm was within reach this time. Thank god. He pushed the reset button. The noise stopped, the shrill sound still echoing in his ears. </p><p>Sander bent down, making sure Robbe’s feet were able to reach the ground for him to get of his shoulders.</p><p>“Uh, sorry for waking you up. It was an accident,” said Sander, scratching the back of his head.</p><p>Robbe smoothed out his pajamas. “No kidding. Maybe you should open a window next time you go for a smoke. You know it’s not even noon right?” </p><p>“I wasn’t smoking.”</p><p>“What the hell were you doing then?”</p><p>Sander walked over to his desk to show him what looked like a pile of burned down crayons. “I was experimenting with, uh-“</p><p>“Yeah, nevermind. I don’t care, as long as you pay for the damage.” Robbe barged out of the room. </p><p>“Robbe, wait!”</p><p>He froze. Sander calling his name felt like an echo from the past.</p><p>“What?” he said, trying to sound annoyed.</p><p>“Uh, you forgot this the other night,” said Sander, handing him over the shirt he had been looking for all weekend.</p><p>
  <em>What the-</em>
</p><p>Suddenly his memory of Friday night came back to him. He had waltzed into Sander’s room thinking it was his own. Oh god, he had even started taking of his clothes, hence why Sander was in the possession of his shirt. He couldn’t remember their exact conversation, but it probably wasn’t any good. Why did he always have to embarrass himself like this when he was drunk?</p><p>“Thanks,” he mumbled, quickly grabbing his shirt and walking away so Sander wouldn’t see his flushed cheeks.</p><p>
  <em>This is going to be a long week.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 17:42</strong>
</p><p>After yesterday’s fiasco, Robbe decided it was probably wise to spend some time away from the house. He had been at his mom’s all afternoon, which she had been over the moon about.</p><p>When he got home, it was suspiciously quiet in the house. He had expected Sander to blast David Bowie all week. He walked into the kitchen, where things became even more suspicious. It was clean. He had never seen it this clean. There were no dishes in the sink or on the counter. No dirty pans on the stove. The bin was emptied. It even looked like the floor had been wiped. If it wasn’t for Sander’s bike standing in the front yard, he would have assumed Sander had moved out.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell?</em>
</p><p>Just when Robbe was about to put his diner in the microwave, his phone rang. It was his dad.</p><p>“Hello?” he groaned.</p><p>“Hey son, how are you?”</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“Good to hear. I, uh, didn’t hear from you for a while so I thought I would give you a call,” said his dad, sounding like he was driving his car.</p><p>“Yeah I’ve been busy.”</p><p>“Hey, listen. Your grandparents are coming over next weekend and I would really appreciate it if you came.” </p><p>
  <em>Here we go again. </em>
</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” said Robbe, ready to hang up the phone.</p><p>“You always say that and then you cancel over text. That’s not very decent, Robbe.”</p><p>“Not very decent?” he said, raising his voice. “You know what’s not decent? How you treated mom. How you treated me. That’s not decent. Stop making me feel guilty.” </p><p>Sander walked into the living room, balancing a bunch of dirty dishes in his arms. Apparently he had been hoarding them all in his room and that was why the kitchen was so clean. Robbe didn’t even care if he overheard his family drama. Whatever. </p><p>“Robbe please, not this again. You haven’t even visited since you moved out,“ his dad complained. </p><p>“And you have? You don’t even know where I live. You have no idea what’s going on in my life. You literally show zero interest in me. The only times you call, is when you need me to prove to your parents that everything is fine. I’m not doing that anymore. Call me when you actually want to know how I’m doing.” </p><p>He hung up, throwing his phone on the kitchen counter. It had been like this since Robbe moved out. His dad had called him three times at most, always with a hidden agenda. He didn’t help him move out. He wasn’t even home the day Robbe left for college. Robbe was sure that if he asked his dad what he was studying, his dad wouldn’t be able to answer.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sander asked, speaking carefully. </p><p>“Fuck off. I don’t need your pity,” he snapped, storming out of the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 13:43</strong>
</p><p>On Tuesday Robbe had a shift at the library. The library always stayed open during breaks, except for Christmas. Yasmina had taken the week off, which made him in charge today. They usually never trusted first years with the job but Yasmina had put in a good word for him. They were practically friends now. Robbe had gotten used to the job. He didn’t even freak out anymore when students came up to his desk asking for a book he didn’t know how to spell.</p><p>His job also gave him a welcome excuse to leave the house. It had only been three days of being home alone with Sander and he was already exhausted. The bleached blonde confused him more every day. First, he was shocked by Sander ignoring him. Then, he had to get used to Sander’s obnoxious comments thrown in his direction. And when he had finally accepted that Sander was an asshole and was ready to start snapping back, he had apologized. Which was fine, but now Sander was tiptoeing around the house. This morning Robbe got downstairs, discovering that his dirty dishes from last night had vanished. His first explanation had been that Sander threw them out, but he found his dishes in the cub board, spotless and neatly put away. The sudden change of behavior freaked Robbe out.</p><p>“Hey man!”</p><p>He looked up from his computer. Adi smiled brightly at him. It felt hard to believe Robbe had been a little scared of him when he first moved in. He always assumed Sander had pitted Adi against him, which didn’t seem to be the case at all.</p><p>“Didn’t know you worked here.”</p><p>“Yeah, it pays the bills,” he said.</p><p>“You must be good at it then. I applied last year but didn’t get hired.”</p><p>Robbe frowned. “Aren’t you friends with Yasmina’s brother?”</p><p>“I am. She said I didn’t take it serious enough,” said Adi, rolling his eyes. “Pretty sure she hates me.”</p><p>“I’m sure she doesn’t,” he replied, giving him an apologetic smile.</p><p>“Could you, uh, look up a book for me? It says on the site that it’s here but I can’t find it.”</p><p>“Sure, what’s the title?”</p><p>“Imagine Math 3: Between Culture and Mathematics.”</p><p>Robbe typed it into the search bar.</p><p>“Is Sander behaving a little?” Adi asked, leaning over the front desk. “I heard you two are by yourselves all week.”</p><p>Robbe had been wondering what Sander told Adi about them. He would expect Sander to endlessly complain about him to Adi, since they seemed to be best friends. But Adi didn’t give off that vibe. Either he had a really strong poker face or Sander was keeping his mouth shut. Either way, it was weird. </p><p>He shrugged. “It’s fine. Thankfully he has to be at the academy a lot.”</p><p>“The academy?” Adi frowned.</p><p>“Yeah, he had to finish some assignments or something.”</p><p>“The academy is closed during the break.”</p><p>
  <em>Huh.</em>
</p><p>“But Noor said he was going to use the art studio’s?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. I forgot about the art studio’s,” said Adi, not at all convincing.</p><p>Robbe decided not to press on it. He liked Adi and didn’t want to bring him in an uncomfortable position. Where Sander spent his afternoons was none of his business anyway, as long as he left him alone. </p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Casa Anubis</b>
  </span>
</p><p><strong>Jana</strong>: Greetings from the seaside </p><p>
  
</p><p>Is the house still standing?</p><p>Yes</p><p><strong>Noor</strong>: Did you kill sander already?</p><p>No</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: Blink twice if he’s taking you hostage</p><p>👁️👄👁️➖👄➖👁️👄👁️</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: I take that as a no</p><p><strong>Keisha</strong>: Did you feed daisy?</p><p>No? You didn’t tell me to do that</p><p><strong>Keisha</strong>: That was meant for sander</p><p>I’m not trusting you with her</p><p>No offense</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: I did </p><p>She only touches the water when it’s room temperature </p><p>Didn’t know she was so high maintenance </p><p><strong>Keisha</strong>: That’s why you two get along so well</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: 🙄</p><p><strong>Senne</strong>: Try to behave for a little longer</p><p>Daddy will be home on Sunday x </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 14:15</strong>
</p><p>“Do you want some scrambled eggs?”</p><p>Robbe looked up from his book. Sander was standing in the door opening, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. </p><p>“I- uh, I made too much,” he stammered with that weird insecure look on his face again. </p><p>Robbe wanted to tell him to keep the fucking food for himself, to stop trying to kiss his ass. But he was also tired. Tired of trying to please Sander. Tired of being angry at Sander. Tired of getting back at Sander. He just wanted some fucking peace.</p><p>“Uh, sure,” he replied, following him to the kitchen. Sander put a plate in front of him that looked suspiciously appetizing. </p><p>“So this is how you’re going to poison me, huh?”</p><p>“If you don’t want it-“ said Sander, trying to grab back the plate.</p><p>Robbe waved him of. “No no, it’s just weird. You being nice to me.”</p><p>Sander was quiet for a moment. “I apologized, right?”</p><p>Robbe took a bite of the eggs. They tasted as good as they looked.</p><p>“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean you have to be nice to me. I thought we just had a truce.”</p><p>“We do, but I also want to make up for how I treated you,” said Sander, giving him a small apologetic smile.</p><p>Robbe swallowed, eyeing him suspiciously. “And this isn’t because you walked in on me on the phone on Monday?”</p><p>“No,” said Sander like he meant it.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>They ate the rest of their meal in silence. It wasn’t a comfortable silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one either.</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Yasmina</b>
  </span>
</p><p>Did you talk to sander?</p><p>My holiday is great</p><p>So sweet of you to ask😊</p><p>Haha</p><p>Did you tho?</p><p>Maybe</p><p>Why, did it work? </p><p>He just made me eggs</p><p>Ahh mr drama queen has finally come to his senses i hear</p><p>Shh dont jinx it</p><p>I don’t know what you said but thanks :)</p><p>Anything for my favorite coworker</p><p>Coworker?? I thought we were friends😔</p><p>Nah we’re not there yet</p><p>🥺</p><p>I don’t fall for that</p><p>🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺</p><p>Okay okay calm down</p><p>Say it</p><p>You’re my friend</p><p>🥰</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 15:28</strong>
</p><p>Robbe had locked himself in his room all day. It was a desperate attempt to finally start making some progress on his paper. Turns out papers are a lot harder to write when you can’t use Wikipedia as a source anymore.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Jens</span>
  </strong>
</p><p>How are you holding up? </p><p>I’m surprised you haven’t thrown him out of the house yet</p><p>No it’s fine actually</p><p>He apologized </p><p>He did?</p><p>Yeah</p><p>And now he’s doing my dishes and offering me food all of a sudden</p><p>It’s weird af</p><p>??? Where did that come from </p><p>No idea</p><p>I’ll keep you updated</p><p>🧃🧃</p><hr/><p>The sound of a vacuum cleaner appeared from the hallway. Apparently Sander had gotten home from wherever he went all day. </p><p>
  <em>You’ve got to be kidding me.</em>
</p><p>Robbe opened his bedroom door. Sander was indeed hovering the hallway. No one ever did that, not even Zoë. He might as well be wearing an apron.</p><p>Sander noticed him standing in the door opening and quickly turned of the vacuum cleaner. “Sorry, is it bothering you?”</p><p>“Sander. Please stop.”</p><p>“I, uh, can come back later. No problem.” He took the plug out of the socket and started rolling up the cord. </p><p>“No, I mean please stop all of this. I asked you to stop bothering me, not turn into fucking Cinderella.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Sander, still standing with the cord in his hand. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I know, you told me that already.”</p><p>“I’ll just stay out of your way then.”</p><p>Robbe sighed. “You don’t have to stay out of my way. Just treat me like you treat everyone else. You think you can do that?”</p><p>“I’ll try my best,” said Sander with helpless puppy eyes. </p><p>Robbe almost felt like he was being too hard on him. But then he realized it didn’t even come close to the way Sander had been treating him and quickly got over it. </p><p>“Thanks. Now put the vacuum cleaner away. It looks really weird on you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 21:07</strong>
</p><p>Sander joined him in the living room, taking a seat on the opposite couch. A few days ago that would have been Robbe’s cue to leave the room and find a more peaceful place to relax. But Sander had been acting decent for the last few days and he didn't feel like getting up. </p><p>“You want to watch something?” he said, offering the remote.</p><p>Sander shook his head. “Nah, whatever you’re watching is fine.”</p><p>Robbe raised his brows at him.</p><p>“Really! This is not me being Cinderella, I swear.”</p><p>“Alright.” Robbe started searching the channels for something to watch. Which wasn’t an easy task. He didn’t want Sander to judge him for his crappy taste but he also didn’t know what Sander liked to watch. After changing the channel about thirty times and almost giving up, he stumbled upon reruns of Mega Mindy, the kids show that featured his gay awakening Mega Toby.</p><p>A wave of memories washed over him. Every Sunday him and Sander would sit in front of the TV with a tray of popcorn, ready for the new episode. They even dressed up as Mega Toby for Halloween one year.</p><p>Robbe realized he had been lost in his own thoughts for too long and quickly changed the channel again.</p><p>“Don’t want to watch your childhood crush?”</p><p><em>He remembers</em>. </p><p>It made his heart swell and ache at the same time. But the warm feeling quickly turned into anger. What is up with this dude? Who does he think he is? Ignoring him for weeks, shattering all his silly hopes and dreams with his dickhead behavior, only to now casually remind him of their old friendship? </p><p>Robbe wanted to yell all of this in Sander’s face, but apparently his subconscious was bothered by something else.</p><p>“As if you didn’t like him!” he scoffed.</p><p>“I didn’t. I only pretended to like him so I could spend more time with you.”</p><p>
  <em>Wait- what? </em>
</p><p>Robbe’s mind went blank. He was speechless. This was way too much information for his brain to comprehend.</p><p>“I don’t know how to respond to that.”</p><p>Sander’s smile faded. “I understand.” He turned to the TV again.</p><p>“You can’t expect me to laugh with you about childhood crushes after you’ve been a dick to me for weeks. That’s just- that’s not how it works.”</p><p>“I know,” said Sander, his voice weak. “I know I need a good explanation for the way I acted.” He started fiddling with the strings of his sweatpants, looking around the room as if the walls would tell him how to continue. “I’m afraid my explanation won’t be good enough.”</p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>And then Sander finally started talking. About everything.</p><p>“Remember when we hung out right before you left for France that summer?”</p><p>
  <em>Every minute of it.</em>
</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I, uh, ran into my dad that day. I was walking home from the art shop and I saw him sitting on a bench in the park. He was startled when I walked up to him but I didn’t find it strange at the time. I just thought he got off from work early.”</p><p>Sander fell quiet. Robbe couldn’t believe he was finally getting answers after all those years. He wasn’t going to interrupt him now.</p><p>“A week later we, uh- we got kicked out of our house. My dad had been unemployed for months. He didn’t tell anyone. He just walked out of the house every morning with his suitcase and hung out in the park all day. We only found out when the bailiffs showed up at out door. We couldn’t even pay the rent anymore.”</p><p>Out of all the explanations Robbe had come up with, this one had somehow never crossed his mind.</p><p>“They foreclosed on our house. It all went really fast. We were moved into a smaller home within a week. My dad found a job in Liège two months later. We kind of started over there and never spoke about it again.”</p><p>“You moved to <em>Wallonia</em>?”</p><p>Sander snorted. “Wallonia isn’t the end of the world Robbe. Not everyone is as bad at French as you.”</p><p>“I know, I- fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that was what happened.”</p><p>“Of course you didn’t. We were kids. I didn’t even know what a bailiff was.”</p><p>Robbe was so overwhelmed by everything Sander had finally told him, he couldn’t decide what question to ask him next. That was something he could do now, ask Sander questions about their past. It felt surreal.</p><p>“What happened when you moved to Liège?”</p><p>“We moved into a tiny flat. Lize and I had to share a room. My parents were really ashamed of what happened and never wanted to talk about it. They cut ties with everyone back home except our family. It felt like we had to live under a new identity.”</p><p>Sander explained almost everything Robbe had been dying to know. Still, there were some burning questions left.</p><p>“Why did you never reach out to me?” he asked, trying hard to keep his voice steady but still failing at the end of the sentence.</p><p>Sander furrowed his brows. “I did. I left you a letter.”</p><p>
  <em>What.</em>
</p><p>“You left me a letter?” said Robbe with an astonished look on his face. All these years he had lived under the impression that Sander left without saying goodbye and now he was talking about a letter? </p><p>Sander’s eyes went wide at the realization that Robbe really didn’t know what he was talking about.</p><p>“You- you didn’t find it?”</p><p>“No? Wait what the fuck. When did you- where did you leave me a letter?”</p><p>“In the treasure chest in our hut.”</p><p>The hut had been the first place Robbe searched when Sander had disappeared. He had turned the whole thing upside down at least three times. At one point he had even dug a hole in the ground in case Sander might have buried something.</p><p>“There was no letter there.”</p><p>“But I- I thought you- I always assumed you read the letter,” Sander stammered, looking like his whole life had been a lie.</p><p>“I didn’t,” Robbe reassured him. “Why did you never check if I got it?”</p><p>Sander stared at his hands, folded on his lap. “Because I was ashamed. My parents made me believe being kicked out of the house was something to be ashamed of. They told me you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore because I lived so far away now. I just guessed that was the case because you didn’t respond.”</p><p>“I always would have responded.“</p><p>Sander gave him a sad smile. “Everything was really confusing back then. I tried taking the train once to go see you.”</p><p>“You did?”</p><p>“Yeah. Didn’t make it past it past the train station, though. I didn’t have enough money for a ticket. When I got home my parents encouraged me to make new friends and somehow starting over felt easier than trying to keep in contact with you.”</p><p>They were quiet for a while, slowly letting everything sink in. Robbe finally understood why Sander left and why he never reached out. But that still wasn’t an excuse for the way he had been treating him. He was scared to ask. He hated confrontation. It made his stomach flip. But Sander was here now, answering all his questions so he better make use of it.</p><p>“Why, uh- why did you act like that? Did I do something or-“</p><p>“No, of course not!”</p><p>“What was it then?” Robbe asked, not being able to look Sander in the eye.</p><p>Tears welled up in Sander’s eyes. He clearly understood how hurt Robbe had been by all of it, how painful it still was. He took a moment to think.</p><p>“Because I was still hurt you never responded to my letter. I thought you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. It didn’t even cross my mind you never received it.”</p><p>Sander bit his lip, carefully choosing his next words.</p><p>“Seeing you again hurt. It brought back memories of a time I’m trying really hard to forget. Being around you constantly reminded me of everything I missed by moving away. Everything that could have been. And I was ashamed, of how I left. I was afraid you were going to bring it up in front of the others. So I thought if I would just-“</p><p>A tear rolled down his cheek.</p><p>“It was fucked up. I don’t know what I was thinking. It kind of was an impulse reaction and then I didn’t know how to stop. I guess I was so scared of you not wanting to have anything to do with me that I just ripped off the bandage first. You hating me because I was an asshole to you somehow felt better than the possibility of you just not liking me for me anymore. I don’t know. Does that make sense?”</p><p>Robbe’s cheeks were wet. He didn’t even notice he had been crying as well.</p><p>“Yeah, it does. That’s how I felt when I ran into you that night in the kitchen. I had convinced myself you just didn’t recognize me and that was why you were acting cold.”</p><p>“I’m so fucking sorry Robbe,” said Sander, his voice breaking.</p><p>“I know,” he gave him a small reassuring smile. “I’m really glad you told me.”</p><p>“Me too.” Sander wiped away the tears that were still sitting in the corners of his eyes. “Can I- can I give you a hug?”</p><p>“Yes,” Robbe replied, trying hard to keep the desperation out of his voice. He failed, again.</p><p>They both got up from the couch, meeting in the middle. There was no hesitation, no awkward fumbling with their arms. They went straight in for the soul-crushing hug Robbe had been longing for. </p><p>He didn’t know how long they stood like that, tightly wrapped in each other’s arms in the middle of the living room. Robbe kept quiet, too afraid he would ruin the moment.</p><p>“You still smell the same,” Sander whispered, burying his nose deeper into Robbe’s shoulder.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you think happened to the letter?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Behind Enemy Lines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 10:21</strong>
</p><p>After a shamelessly long hug, they had continued chatting and reminiscing about their childhood TV shows. It had been a nice alternative to their heavy conversation. At three in the morning, Robbe had woken up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him. He had shuffled up to his room with a weight lifted off his shoulders. He hadn’t felt this blissful in a long time.</p><p>But that was seven hours ago. Right now he was laying in bed feeling anxious. What if last night was a dream? What if Sander regretted opening up to him and went back to ignoring him? Robbe’s heart wouldn’t be able to handle that.</p><p>After hesitating for another hour, he came to the conclusion that he couldn’t stay in his room forever. He had to face Sander at some point. He opened his bedroom door. It felt weird not having to listen to the noises on the other side of the wall to make sure he wouldn’t run into Sander.</p><p>His worries faded away as soon as he locked eyes with Sander in the kitchen. Sander gave him a soft smile, his coldness having gone up in smoke. </p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>“Hey,” Robbe replied, heading for the coffee machine.</p><p>“Sleep well?”</p><p>“I did, thanks for the blanket.”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to get cold. This house is so drafty I ones got a cold just from sitting in the living room.”</p><p>Robbe joined him at the kitchen table. They sat in silence for a bit, neither of them knowing what to say next. Now that everything was finally out on the table, he suddenly didn’t know how to act around Sander anymore. They couldn’t just continue where they left off, right? Too much had happened. They weren’t kids anymore and hadn’t seen each other in nearly a decade. Not to mention the ongoing tension between them the last two months. How would this even work? Who said they still had things in common? Robbe did feel like they still had a connection, but would that be enough? He didn’t know what to do. He was really glad that Sander opened up to him. After their soul-crushing hug last night, Sander had seemed over the moon. Robbe didn’t want to burst his bubble with his doubts. But he also didn’t know how to continue their friendship, so it was probably best just to be honest with him.</p><p>“I was afraid last night was a dream,” he admitted. </p><p>“Me too,” said Sander, chewing on his bottom lip.</p><p>Robbe stared at the coffee mug in his hands. “I don’t really know where to go from here.”</p><p>“I was actually thinking about that last night. I may have an idea.”</p><p>He looked up at him, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“We have to get even,” said Sander, clapping his hands together.</p><p>Robbe frowned. “Even how?”</p><p>“I was an asshole to you, now you have to be an asshole to me. You could start by calling me out,” Sander suggested.</p><p>“Now?” he asked. He didn’t even finish his coffee yet.</p><p>“Well, yeah. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get back to being friends,” said Sander, his voice eager.</p><p>Robbe contemplated Sander’s proposal. He didn’t really feel like calling Sander out. He had already gotten most of his frustration of his chest. But he also didn’t know how to get back to being friends without it being awkward. Maybe this would break the ice a little?</p><p>“I mean, if you want to of course,” Sander added with a small voice when Robbe didn’t respond.</p><p>“What if I don’t want to call you out?”</p><p>“That’s okay.”</p><p> Robbe bit his lip. “What if I do want to?”</p><p>Sander grinned. “That’s okay too.”</p><p>“Asshole.”</p><p>“Go on.”</p><p>“Son of a bitch.”</p><p>“Maybe you should try some sentences,” Sander suggested, clearly not impressed by Robbe’s ability to call him out.</p><p>“Shut the fuck up. I’m just warning up.”</p><p>Sander put his hands up in surrender.</p><p>“What’s up with the early 2020 Bieber vibe you got going on here?” Robbe asked, waving at his bleached hair with a smirk on his face.</p><p>“I do <em>not</em> look like Justin Bieber!” Sander cried out, clearly offended.</p><p>“No, you look like bleached blonde hipster Justin Bieber. But I’m sure you dyed it first,” he teased.</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“You’re such a liar.”</p><p>Sander blushed, self-consciously passing his hand through his hair. It was so easy to get under his skin.</p><p>“Do you style your eyebrows?” he continued. </p><p>“Uh, no?!”</p><p>“Oh come on, don’t act like you aren’t aware they’re your strongest asset. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got them ensured by now,” Robbe grinned.</p><p>“I thought you were going to call me out, not make fun of my looks,” Sander pouted.</p><p>“You said we needed to get even. This is me getting even.”</p><p>“Okay,” he dramatically sighed, accepting his surrender. He gestured up and down his body. “What else?”</p><p>“Is the whole black and white aesthetic a fashion choice or did you turn color blind?”</p><p>Sander rolled his eyes. “It’s a fashion choice.”</p><p>“I think that’s it,” Robbe said, taking a sip of his coffee.</p><p>“That’s really all you’ve got?” Sander asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>Sander turned his head, offering him his cheek. “I guess we have to make things physical then.”</p><p>“Sander, I’m not going to hit you.”</p><p>“Yes you are.”</p><p>Robbe folded his arms tightly against his chest, shaking his head.</p><p>“Oh come on, don’t act like you’ve never hit me before.”</p><p>“That was an accident!” he cried out.</p><p>For Sander’s eleventh birthday party, they had been dropped off in the woods at night and had to find their way back without a GPS. It had only been a twenty-minute walk but Robbe, being the youngest of the group and anxious by nature, had been scared shitless. It had been pitch black and he heard creepy noises everywhere. At one point, Sander had approached him when Robbe didn’t expect him to. Out of reflex he had hit him so hard that Sander almost dislocated his jaw. Sander hadn’t shut up about it for months, bragging to everyone that he had been in a fistfight. </p><p>“Even better then. This time I actually deserve it.”</p><p>Robbe sighed. “Okay fine. If this will get you to shut up.” </p><p>He lifted his arm, hovered his hand in front of Sander’s cheek and giving him a small slap.</p><p>“I didn’t even feel that.”</p><p>He slapped his cheek a bit harder.</p><p>“We’re going to be here all day if you don’t take it up a notch. Hit me like you mean it.”</p><p>Robbe took a deep breath. He thought back on Sander’s behavior the past weeks and put all of that bundled up anger into his next slap. He heard a loud smack. Sander flung to the side, almost falling of his chair. His hand hurt. He looked up at Sander. His expression was a mixture of shocked, impressed and hurt. Robbe’s handprint stood out bright red on his cheek.</p><p>“Holy shit!” Sander gasped. “That was amazing.”</p><p>“Oh my god Sander! I’m sorry!” </p><p>“Don’t apologize!” he said, carefully touching his sensitive cheek, still looking impressed.</p><p>“But I left my handprint on your cheek!” Robbe shrieked.</p><p>“But did it make you feel better?”</p><p>
  <em>Not really.</em>
</p><p>“A little.”</p><p>“But not enough,” said Sander with a sad look in his eyes.</p><p>Robbe hated that it wasn’t enough. He wanted nothing more than to be friends with Sander again, it was all he ever dreamed of. But now that Sander was finally back in his life and not acting like an asshole anymore, he didn’t know how to get back to that. They both changed a lot in the last nine years. They had to get used to each other again.</p><p>He shook his head. “Maybe I could ask you some questions instead?”</p><p>“Of course,” said Sander, relieved Robbe wanted to make this work as well.</p><p>“Did you tell anyone about us?” he started.</p><p>“Only Adi.”</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“That I was acting like a child. That I shouldn’t pick on you like that.”</p><p>Robbe fidgeted with his coffee mug. “Why did you?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sander mumbled, biting his lip. “It was stupid. It was difficult seeing you again but at the same time I also wanted your attention. You were getting along so well with everyone else. I was jealous, I think.”</p><p>“It wasn’t my fault I got along with everyone except you,” Robbe scoffed. He couldn’t help but feel a bit frustrated. If Sander had told him sooner, things wouldn’t be so weird right now. But he also couldn’t blame him. Robbe wasn’t one to easily talk about his feelings either.</p><p>“No, not at all!” said Sander. I handled it really wrong. There is no excuse.”</p><p>He was relieved Sander acknowledged that. Sometimes he felt like he had been too dramatic about it all and should have just moved on. “So you agree you acted like an idiot?”</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p>Robbe drank up his coffee. “Okay, good.” </p><p>“Any more questions?” Sander asked like he wasn’t sure if he could handle any more.</p><p>“Did you really not like Mega Toby?”</p><p>He snorted. “I thought these were going to be serious questions.”</p><p>Robbe had intended it as a joke to lighten up the mood, but he was also serious about it. Hearing Sander say that he had never liked this stupid superhero guy from their childhood, had made him wonder what else had been a lie.</p><p>“They are. Did you really not like him?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I just thought he was annoying,” Sander mumbled, taking a bite from his sandwich. “I don’t know what you saw in him.”</p><p>
  <em>His killer costume? His sparkling personality? His amazing jawline?</em>
</p><p>“It’s not my fault you have bad taste. What about Danny Phantom? Was that also a lie?”</p><p>Sander laughed. “No, l really did like him. He was cool.” He pointed at his hair. “I mean, we’re basically twins.”</p><p>“Holy shit that’s what the hair reminds me of! You totally got inspired by him.”</p><p>“Maybe,” said Sander, winking at him.</p><p>Robbe giggled. His worries had faded away. He felt like they could make this work. </p><p>They spent the rest of the day catching up. Robbe fired some more questions at him until Sander got up to pee. They switched roles when he came back. Sander wanted to know everything; if he still liked filming videos, if he was still friends with the other kids living in their street, if he ever finished their secret hut like they promised they would. Robbe answered everything, except the questions about his parents. He didn’t want Sander to feel sorry for him or somehow guilty for leaving him behind. He wanted his friend back, not burdening him with his sob story.</p><p>When it got dark outside, they ordered pizza. Sander burst into tears because Robbe remembered his order. They fell asleep on the couch again, full and content.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 12:24</strong>
</p><p>Robbe spent Sunday morning catching up on the assignments he had been postponing all week. He couldn’t believe the week he had. Barely a week ago he had been completely fed up with Sander, only to now be friends with him again. It felt like whiplash. A good kind of whiplash, if that was a thing.</p><p>There was a knock on his door. Sander peaked his head around the corner. </p><p>“Can I come into your room now since we’re not arch enemies anymore?” he joked but his eyes were serious. </p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “Yes, you’re allowed behind enemy lines now. Come in.”</p><p>Sander stepped into his room, looking around curiously. His eyes fell on the blanket on his bed. </p><p>“Oh my god blanky!” Sander cheered, wrapping the blanket around his head. “I can’t believe you still have this.”</p><p>Robbe laughed. Sander hadn’t really changed all that much now that he wasn’t acting like a heartless prick anymore. Beneath his new appearance, he was still the same goofy bundle of energy Robbe had missed so much.</p><p>“Did you come in here to sulk in nostalgia or do you actually want something?”</p><p>Sander put the blanket back on his bed. “No, I have a proposal. Are you busy?”</p><p>“Uh no, I just finished,” said Robbe, tilting his head back, curious as to what he had in mind.</p><p>“I have a great bonding experience idea for us,” Sander smirked.</p><p>He groaned. “We’re not going to do trusting exercises. I already climbed on you’re shoulders. That was more than enough team building.”</p><p>“I was more thinking about a trip to Ikea,” Sander suggested. “I need some new picture frames for my drawings.”</p><p>“Ikea? Isn’t that too mainstream for you?” Ever since they made up, Robbe couldn’t stop teasing Sander. It was just too easy.</p><p>“Shut up, Robin,” he said, affectionate this time.</p><p>They arrived at Ikea an hour later. It felt strange being out and about with Sander like this. They hadn’t spent any time outside of the house together since he had moved in. It was almost like bleached blonde Sander had only existed inside of those walls. Robbe couldn’t help but stare at him, afraid Sander would disappear again if he looked away for too long. Sander was really here. He was in his life again. </p><p>“What?” Sander asked, self-consciously combing his hair.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>When they arrived at the entrance, Sander grabbed a shopping cart. “Get in.”</p><p>“No way. We’re not in middle school anymore,” he said, shaking his head.</p><p>Sander pouted. “But it’s fun, isn’t it?”</p><p>Robbe bit his lip. It was fun. “All right.” He climbed into the shopping cart. “We’re so going to get banned from Ikea.”</p><p>They didn’t get banned from Ikea. They did however end up with a shit ton of crap they hadn’t intended on buying.</p><p>Sander had only needed some picture frames for his drawings. They left with picture frames, a laundry basket, coat hangers, a dish rack, bath towels and a huge fucking plant. But what’s a trip to Ikea without leaving with a bunch of stuff you don’t need? Which is fine if you have a car. They didn’t have a car.</p><p>“Can’t we just steal the shopping cart? There’s no way we’ll be able to carry all of this home,” said Robbe.</p><p>Sander looked at their shopping cart, which was filled to the brim. “I’m afraid they won’t let us on the bus with that thing.”</p><p>They reluctantly took their purchases out of the cart. Sander managed to pile up the enormous plant and a couple of picture frames in the laundry basket, which left Robbe in charge of carrying the dish rack, bath towels and the rest of the picture frames. The only problem was the coat hangers. They didn’t have any free hands left to carry those.</p><p>“We can call a cab?” Robbe suggested.</p><p>“Did you become rich in the last nine years?”</p><p>“More like the opposite.”</p><p>“Same. I’m afraid we’ll have to carry this to the bus stop then,” Sander sighed.</p><p>“What about the coat hangers?”</p><p>Sander put down the laundry basket and ripped the packaging of the coat hangers. He hooked them around his belt until he looked like a walking clothing rack. He turned to Robbe.</p><p>“You’re already regretting our newfound friendship, aren’t you?” Sander asked with a guilty look on his face.</p><p>“Absolutely,” said Robbe. “Just hang them on there. At least we’ll both look like idiots.”</p><p>They began their walk of shame to the bus stop, the coat hangers rattling like a car with cans. People stopped in their tracks to look at them. They had to stop every few minutes to rest their arms. It was a mess.</p><p>Robbe giggled.</p><p>“Shut up,” Sander grinned, readjusting the laundry basket in his hands.</p><p>When they finally reached the bus stop after what seemed like forever, Sander crashed into a lamppost because the plant was blocking his view. Robbe got the giggles, grasping for air with tears rolling down his face. It almost made them miss the bus. After carrying all their stuff on the bus and practically blocking the aisle, they finally sat down. </p><p>“People are staring at us,” Robbe whispered.</p><p>“They’re just jealous,” Sander replied.</p><p>He looked at the angry faces of their fellow passengers. “They don’t seem jealous.”</p><p>“Our house burned down,” Sander explained to them with a serious face. The angry faces quickly turned soft and full of pity.</p><p>Robbe stared at him with wide eyes. “You can’t joke about that!” he hissed.</p><p>“Relax,” said Sander. “We have bigger things to worry about, like figuring out how we’re going to get all this crap back to our place. I don’t feel like running into a lamppost again,” he said, carefully touching the growing bump on his forehead.</p><p>“Do you know someone with a car?” Robbe asked.</p><p>“Senne.”</p><p>“Yeah no, we’re not texting him,” he said.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because they’re going to be all weird about it and ask questions and-“</p><p>“You don’t want them to know we made up?” Sander asked, sounding a bit hurt.</p><p>“No, that’s not it,” he sighed. “I just don’t like being the center of attention.”</p><p>Sander nodded. “I understand. We can just take it chill, not make a big deal out of it.” </p><p>“You’re not exactly known for taking things chill, Sander. They don’t call you a drama queen for nothing.”</p><p>He gasped, reaching for his chest in shock. “Me?!”</p><p>“Exactly,” Robbe grinned.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Senne</span> </strong>
</p><p>Are you home already?</p><p>Just came in</p><p>Where are you?</p><p>Can you pick us up from the bus stop in 15 min?</p><p>Who is we?</p><p>Me and sander</p><p>?</p><p>The fuck is going on</p><p>We went to ikea</p><p>????</p><p>We’ve bought too much to carry all the way home</p><p>This is Robbe right?</p><p>Yes😒</p><p>Did he threaten you to come?</p><p>No I went willingly </p><p>😱😱😱😏</p><p>You’ve got some explaining to do young man</p><p>Be there in 10</p><p>Thanks</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 16:36</strong>
</p><p>Robbe got home after a long and tiring day on campus. Getting back into the game after a week off had been harder than expected. He walked upstairs to put on some sweatpants. He couldn’t wait to spend all evening on the couch doing absolutely nothing.</p><p>When he got downstairs, he plopped down on the couch next to Sander, putting his feet up on the coffee table and resting his head back. Finally some peace. Sander offered him his bag of chips, sensing that he was too tired to talk. Robbe mindlessly grabbed a hand full. Keisha and Luca stared at him like he just poked his hand in a bag of spiders. </p><p>After a couple of seconds Keisha broke the silence. “Uh, hello? I’m sorry, what is this? What is going on?” </p><p>Robbe had spent the whole day with his head in the books. The reaction of their roommates to their reconciliation hadn’t even crossed his mind anymore. Senne had picked them up from the bus stop yesterday, widely grinning at the sight of them standing next to each other. He hadn’t pushed them though. He only asked if they had a good time and grinned at them through the rear view mirror every few minutes. Robbe had hoped the rest of their roommates would react just as chill.</p><p>“What?” he awkwardly asked like he didn’t know what she was hinting at. This was exactly what he had been afraid of, all eyes being on him. Sander on the other hand didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered. </p><p>Keisha pointed at them. “This. You two. Since when are you getting along? When did this happen?”</p><p>Robbe shrugged. </p><p>“We hooked up last week,” Sander suddenly said. </p><p>Robbe choked on his chips.</p><p>“You guys fucked?!” Luca gasped.</p><p>“No we didn’t!” Robbe shrieked, trying to cough the chips out of his throat. He threw Sander an angry look. “We talked about this. Is this what you meant by being chill about it?”</p><p>Sander laughed, pulling him in for a one-sighted hug. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” He looked over at Keisha and Luca. “It was a joke.”</p><p>Luca wiggled her eyebrows. “Sure.”</p><p>“I can’t keep up with you people,” Keisha sighed. “Everyday there is a new dynamic. Maybe I should start writing things down,” she mumbled to herself. </p><p>Adi and Noor walked into the living room.</p><p>Adi’s eyes landed on them first. He dropped his bag on the ground, beaming from ear to ear. </p><p>“Fucking finally!” he shouted, storming over to them and joining in on their hug. Robbe let himself be squeezed. He wasn’t used to this amount of hugging. </p><p>“Sander told me he apologized but seeing you guys like this really does it for me,” said Adi, letting go of them and taking a seat on the opposite couch.</p><p>As if Robbe wasn’t getting enough affection today, Noor planted a kiss on both their heads. “Look at you cuties,” she said, smiling like a proud mom. “I’ve got to run but the three of us are going to hang out tonight.” She padded their cheeks and headed out the door. A slight blush appeared on Robbe’s face.</p><p>“Robbe, listen,” said Adi. “You have no idea how much Sander whined about you. Everyday it was ‘Robbe this’ and ‘Robbe that’. He literally held a ten minute speech about your hairstyle.”</p><p>“I can only imagine,” Robbe grinned, patting Sander’s knee.</p><p>Sander buried his face in his hands. “Stop embarrassing me,” he whined.</p><p>“Dude, the only one embarrassing you was you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 10:16</strong>
</p><p>“Is he done already?” Aaron asked, rubbing his eyes. He had been snoring through the lecture for the past hour.</p><p>“Yeah, want my notes?”</p><p>“Please. I literally can’t keep my eyes open. I think I’m still catching up on the sleep deprivation from last week,” he yawned. </p><p>Robbe grinned. Jens had told him about all the shenanigans they had been up to during their trip. They had started every morning with a beer breakfast and ended the nights with karaoke. On the last night Moyo had sung so out off-key that he lost his voice. If Robbe hadn’t had a very eventful week himself, he would have regretted not joining them on the trip.</p><p>“When does the next lecture start?” Aaron asked.</p><p>Robbe looked at his watch. “In fifteen minutes.”</p><p>“I have to pee.”</p><p>“Good luck getting out of here then,” said Robbe, nodding at the row of students sitting next to them.</p><p>Aaron stood up and threw his leg over the railing in front of them, trying to escape the packed lecture hall. The only problem was that the floor of the row in front of them was a lot lower, making Aaron unable to reach the ground. He clung to the railing like a helpless koala.</p><p>“Eh, can you maybe give me a little push?”</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes, pushing Aaron over the edge.</p><p>“You’re such an idiot.”</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Broerrrs</span> </strong>
</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: @Robbe bro i totally just stood up for you </p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: Nice try scoring friend points but it’s too late now </p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: It’s not funny anymore if you use it as a reaction to everything</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p>Defended me to who?</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Keisha </p><p>She was spreading rumors about you and sander cozying it up in the living room</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: HAHAHAHA</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: I told her she should check her sources if she ever wants to finish her journalism degree </p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Can you imagine robbe and sander all cuddled up on the couch🤣</p><p>What’s next? Robbe being into girls?</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Exactly</p><p>Yeah about that</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: ?</p><p>I’ve been meaning to tell you</p><p>We kinda made up</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: with sander??</p><p>No with Niels de Stadsbader😑</p><p>Yes with Sander</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: HOLY SHIT YOU REALLY WERE CUDDLING</p><p>No!</p><p>It was just a hug</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: A HUG?????</p><p>What is happening in the world</p><p>Maybe Robbe really is straight</p><p>...</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Wait why is jens not saying anything? Did he know?</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: I’m still the best friend bro. Deal with it</p><p>@Aaron Lecture is starting again</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: let me wipe my ass real quick🧻</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 13:22</strong>
</p><p>Yasmina was back from her holiday. He had missed her. Working at the library wasn’t half as fun without her sarcastic remarks. They were having lunch in the back office.</p><p>“How was your holiday?”</p><p>“Good,” she said, putting sugar in her tea. “I went to the Ardennes with my family.”</p><p>Robbe sat down next to her, taking his lunch out of his bag. He finally started preparing his own food after living of take out food for months. It made him get out of bed a little earlier in the morning but his health and wallet were happy with the change. He even brought an apple, like a real functioning adult.</p><p>“Some birdies told me you and Sander made up,” Yasmina smirked.</p><p>Robbe had hoped the news about him and Sander would have blown over by now since all of their roommates had found out. But apparently it had even reached Yasmina. He couldn’t wait for some new scandal to happen so everyone would stop gossiping about them and he could quietly return to his gossip free bunker.</p><p>“Which birdies?”</p><p>“I promised not to reveal my sources,” she said, taking a sip of her tea.</p><p>Yasmina was close with the majority of his roommates. She was best friends with Zoë and hung out with Jana, Luca and Amber all the time. Sander and Adi were friends with her brother. Still, it wasn’t difficult to guess who she got the information from.</p><p>“Was it Jana?”</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>
  <em>Who else.</em>
</p><p>Robbe sighed. “I’m never hearing the end of this, am I? Why is everyone so shocked about it?”</p><p>“Because you two were being very dramatic about it,” she said. </p><p>He frowned. “Did Jana tell you that as well?”</p><p>“Amongst others.”</p><p>“Well tell your sources I wasn’t being dramatic. Sander was just being a dick,” he said, taking a bite out of his apple.</p><p>“And he isn’t anymore?”</p><p>“No, he apologized,” Robbe mumbled, chewing on his apple. “We talked things out.”</p><p>Yasmina narrowed her eyes, looking at him with suspicion. “Just like that?”</p><p>Robbe shifted on his seat a bit uncomfortable. Why was she interrogating him like that? He wasn’t used to Yasmina being this interested in his personal life. “Uh, yeah? He had a good explanation for the way he acted.”</p><p>“He did?”</p><p>Robbe tilted his head back. Something was definitely up. “You’re being very nosy for someone who is usually so composed.”</p><p>Yasmina raised her eyebrows, letting out an offended sound. “I’m not being nosy! I’m just curious what made you two talk things out all of a sudden. Why are you being so mysterious about it?”</p><p>He liked seeing this different side of Yasmina. He was going to keep this up a little longer. “Because it’s personal. Our friendship hasn’t reached that level yet,” he said, gesturing at them.</p><p>Yasmina rolled her eyes. “You are so annoying. First you practically beg me to be your friend and now you won’t even tell me anything about yourself. I’m sorry for showing interest,” she said, raising her hands to act offended.</p><p>Robbe laughed. “Maybe I will consider telling you stuff if you shared less information with your secret sources. I don’t need them all up in my business.”</p><p>She smiled. “Fair point. So you and Sander are really friends now?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Interesting.”</p><p>“Why is that interesting?” he asked, furrowing his brows.</p><p>“Jana thinks you’re faking it.”</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>“What? Why would we be faking it?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said, standing up to wash off her teacup. Their lunch break was almost over. Students were probably already lining up at the front desk. “She’s probably just mad she lost the bet.”</p><p>“There is a bet?” Robbe gasped. It was even worse than he thought. So much for trying to keep a low profile in college.</p><p>Yasmina nodded. “I have a feeling my sources are going to be pissed at me for telling you.”</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Casa Anubis</strong> </span>
</p><p>Who has been participating in the bet?</p><p><strong>Jana</strong>: Don’t know what you’re talking about</p><p>Shut up I know you started it</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: What bet?</p><p>They made a bet about what would happen between us during the break</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p>Who won?</p><p><strong>Keisha</strong>: Amber</p><p>Only amber??</p><p>The rest of you thought we would kill each other?</p><p><strong>Senne</strong>: No we specified it</p><p>Wait let me grab the list</p><p>Zoë luca jana noor and moyo thought you would kill sander</p><p>Aaron keisha and i thought he would kill you</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: What about jens?</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: I voted for you guys to fuck it out</p><p>Which isn’t out of the question yet😏</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 16:06</strong>
</p><p>Robbe had been studying in the living room all afternoon. He had come to the conclusion that he was more productive that way. He could focus better when he was surrounded by a lot of distractions, how contradictory that may sound. When he studied in his room, it felt like the walls were closing in on him. It was too quiet. All it did was make him feel lonely, so he would just look on his phone every five minutes to see what the rest of the world was up to.</p><p>This new method of studying in the living room seemed to be working so far. He liked the ambiance of it, people walking in and out, the sound of the TV in the background and the smell of food coming out of the kitchen. It made focussing on his books less boring.</p><p>His study materials were scattered all around the table in an attempt to get an overview of the information he needed to cramb into his brain. Noor had joined him and was busy writing a song with her headphones on. </p><p>Sometimes Robbe wondered if he shouldn’t also have chosen to make a career out of his hobby just like Noor. He loved making videos, from vlogs till short films. But he also loved studying. So for now he was happy with his decision to study psychology and film videos in his spare time. Who knew what the future would bring. He wasn’t planning on having the same job for the next forty years anyway.</p><p>“Who’s laundry is in the washing machine?” Amber asked.</p><p>“It wasn’t me this time!” said Senne from the couch, raising his hands.</p><p>Amber walked over to Robbe. “Can you come with me for a sec?”</p><p>“Why do you assume it’s mine?” he said, looking up from his laptop. “It could be Noor’s.”</p><p>“Noor knows how to do laundry.”  </p><p>“And I don’t?”</p><p>“Clearly not.”</p><p>Robbe sighed and got up from his seat. Amber was the only roommate he still tended to avoid sometimes, now that him and Sander were on good terms again. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her. He was sure she was a nice girl but she had the habit of giving these long ass speeches he could really do without. Like right now.</p><p>Robbe mouthed ‘help me’ at Noor. She grinned and shook her head, making no attempt to save him. He followed Amber to into the laundry room, shoulders hanging low.</p><p>“When did you put this in?” Amber asked, pointing at his laundry in the washing machine.</p><p>“This morning.”</p><p>“Okay first of all, you can’t leave it in that long. It’s going to smell.”</p><p>Oh god, she said ‘first of all’. That usually meant she was going to make at least four more statements. She reminded him of Sander’s cousin that would always criticize the way they dressed when she came over for Christmas. Amber even looked like her a little bit. </p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t know that,” he said. “I’ll take them out sooner from now on.”</p><p>“Good. Now show me how you use the washing machine,” she said, folding her arms.</p><p>Robbe groaned. He hated being under someone’s magnifying glass. Why couldn’t she just tell him how to use it the right way instead of watching him fail?</p><p>“I put this in,” he said, grabbing the bottle that was standing next to the washing machine.</p><p>Amber raised her eyebrows. “Only that?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah?”</p><p>Amber shook her head disapprovingly. “Robbe, that is fabric softener. You also need detergent,” she said, handing him the washing powder.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>That explained why the stains weren’t getting out of his clothes. </p><p>“Where do you put it in?”</p><p>“In here, obviously,” he said, pointing at the drum. Did she think he was that stupid?</p><p>“That’s what I thought,” Amber said. You have to put it in here,” she instructed, pulling out the detergent drawer. He didn’t even know you could pull at that.</p><p>“What temperature do you put it on?” she continued.</p><p>“60 but I guess that’s also wrong,” he sighed.</p><p>She gave him a sympathetic smile. “It’s not wrong but 40 would be better. Moving on to the dryer. Make sure you check the labels on your clothes before you put them in. And don’t just throw other people’s clothes in there like Aaron.”</p><p>Robbe felt sorry for Aaron. He seemed to be doing everything wrong when it came to impressing Amber. The least he could do was try to put in a good word for him.</p><p>“He means well, you know.”</p><p>She raised her eyebrows. “Oh I’m sure but that doesn’t do much for me. Anyway, now you know how to use the washing machine correctly. Feels good, huh?” she said, bouncing on her feet. </p><p>It didn’t make him half as happy as it seemed to make Amber, but at least one of them was pleased. “It does,” he replied, forcing out a smile.</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong>Sander</strong> </span>
</p><p>My sister is in town this weekend</p><p>She wants to have lunch with us</p><p>Omg Lize</p><p>How is she?</p><p>How old is she now?</p><p>17</p><p>Stfu that should be illegal</p><p>She can’t be older than 8</p><p>Please don’t tell me she has a boyfriend</p><p>She does</p><p>Nooooo</p><p>Don’t be so dramatic😂</p><p>You’re barely 2 years older than her</p><p>Excuse me</p><p>Two years is a lot</p><p>I’m 2 years older than you</p><p>So?</p><p>I don’t treat you like a baby</p><p>No you treat me like other things</p><p>😔</p><p>Fuck that came out less funny than in my head</p><p>I’m sorry</p><p>Please don’t be sad</p><p>I thought you put all your hatred towards me in that bitch slap </p><p>Me too </p><p>I’ll let you hit me again if you come to lunch with us</p><p>I would’ve come otherwise as well</p><p>:)</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 21:10</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was hanging out with the broerrrs in their living room. It was Friday night, his favorite night of the week. He loved getting home after a long day in the library and finally being able to wind down, having not one but two stress free days in prospect.</p><p>They were making plans to go out later. Robbe secretly wanted to stay home tonight. Going out when it was dark and gloomy outside just didn’t appeal to him. The thought of going out into the cold and biking into town gave him goosebumps. He much rather stay in, having a couple of beers and heading up to his comfortable bed at a reasonable hour. </p><p>Unfortunately, his friends didn’t share his opinion. They were determined to go out tonight, the only question was where they would go. Jens and Aaron wanted to go to their favorite pub but Moyo wanted to attend a house party of a girl he made out with last weekend. Robbe didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t too far away.</p><p>“What’s Sander doing tonight?” Jens asked.</p><p>Robbe had told him about his week with Sander. The only detail he had left out, was Sander’s reason for leaving. It wasn’t his story to tell. Jens didn’t press on it, only saying he was happy for them and that it wasn’t any of his business. It were moments like these when Robbe was reminded why he was friends with Jens. Jens may be the gossip girl of Antwerp, but he always knew where to draw the line and not push for more information.</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know actually. He’s upstairs I believe,” said Robbe.</p><p>“You should ask him to come,” Jens encouraged.</p><p>Aaron scoffed. “As if Sander wants to go out with us.”</p><p>Apparently Aaron was having a hard time believing him and Sander got along now. Robbe had to admit that wasn’t surprising, considering they hadn’t exactly been radiating best friend energy. Still, he was a little offended.</p><p>He put down his beer and turned towards Aaron. “Why is it so hard for you to believe we made up?”</p><p>“I’m not saying I don’t <em>believe</em> you, I’m just saying there’s a difference between apologizing and becoming friends all of a sudden.”</p><p>“He thinks Sander is out of your league,” said Jens.</p><p>“Excuse me?!”</p><p>Aaron raised his hands in defense. “I believe it when I see it.”</p><p>He couldn’t really blame him for thinking that. If he judged Sander by his looks, he would have thought the same. Besides, Aaron had only witnessed Sander as a bitchy snob. </p><p>As if Sander had sensed their conversation, he came walking down the stairs. Perfect. Aaron wouldn’t know what hit him.</p><p>“San!” he called.</p><p>Aaron’s jaw dropped to the floor at the mere sound of the nickname. </p><p>“Hmm?” said Sander, stopping in his tracks and poking his head into the living room. He didn’t look like he had any intend of going out tonight, judging by the sweatpants and beige sweater he was wearing. Robbe loved that sweater. He should wear it more often.</p><p>“Aaron doesn’t believe we’re friends.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Sander grinned, raising his eyebrows at Aaron. He put down his coffee mug and walked over to them, stopping in front of Robbe. He plopped down onto his lap, all while keeping eye contact with Aaron.</p><p>“Are you convinced now or do I need to get out the friendship bracelets?” he asked, wrapping an arm around Robbe’s neck and making himself comfortable on his lap.</p><p>Aaron was speechless, staring at them with bulging eyes. “Uh, no I- uh, totally believe you bro,” he stammered.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Robbe expected Sander to move away from his lap, but Sander seemed more than content with their current seating arrangement. In less than a week time, they had become as comfortable with each other again as they had been ten years ago. It made him tear up a little.</p><p>“We’re going out tonight,” said Moyo. “Want to join us? We don’t know where we’re going yet but it will be great.”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “Sure, as long as I can keep this on. I don’t feel like changing again.”</p><p>“Of course,” said Aaron, not haven taken his eyes of Sander since he had walked in. “You can pull anything off.”</p><p>“Does he always stare at people like that? ”Sander whispered into Robbe’s ear.</p><p>He giggled. “You just got him a bit star struck. He’s a big fan.”</p><p>“So, Sander,” Moyo interrupted them, leaning forward on his elbows. “I heard you and Robbe go way back. Any embarrassing stories you can share with the group?” </p><p>Sander wiggled his eyebrows. “Absolutely. Depends on what you’re interested in.”</p><p>“Was he a bed wetter? Do you have ugly baby pictures of him?”</p><p>“I don’t know about the bed wetting but I definitely have some baby pictures,” Sander laughed.</p><p>Robbe did wet his bed as a kid. Up until he was eight. It usually happened when things were tense at home. Sander knew about it. He had even peed in his bed once when Sander had stayed over. He had been mortified, taking off the sheets as soon as he woke up but unable to hide the wet spot on his mattress. Sander never mentioned it.</p><p>“Oh my god let us see!” Aaron cheered. “Was he bald? Did he have a big head? I’m sure he had a big head.”</p><p>Sander smirked. “Well I don’t have them on my phone but I could get my hands on them if you’re that interested.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” Robbe hissed.</p><p>“Or what?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>Robbe pushed Sander of his lap. His legs were getting numb from the weight but he was too proud to admit that. Acting offended was the perfect excuse to let some blood flow through his legs again. “Or I’ll show them your pictures as well. I have some really good ones of your enormous baby duck face.”</p><p>Sander laughed, tilting his head back. “You can show them, I’m not ashamed of my chubby past. I think they’re more interested in yours though.”</p><p>“We’ll take both,” said Jens. “A person can never have enough blackmail content of their roommates.”</p><p>Robbe folded his arms against his chest, acting offended. “I can unfriend you as fast as we made up, you know. Want to go hide at your art studio’s again?” he smirked.</p><p>
  <em>Ha. </em>
</p><p>He had been meaning to bring that up ever since Adi told him. Last Friday didn’t seem like a good time with all the emotional confessions and stuff. Right now was the perfect opportunity to tease him about it. Besides, Robbe was actually curious as to where Sander had gone all those days.</p><p>“You knew about that?” Sander asked, a blush appearing on his cheeks. “Fucking Adi.” </p><p>“He totally was on my side from the start,” Robbe said, grinning.</p><p>“Yeah, no kidding. When did he tell you?”</p><p>“Tuesday, I think. He came by at the library.”</p><p>“<em>Last</em> Tuesday? You knew the whole time? You just let me pretend to go over there for days?” Sander gasped. “And here I was thinking I was the being a dick.”</p><p>“I was curious how long you were going to keep it up,” Robbe shrugged.</p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p>“No you don’t.”</p><p>They smiled at each other. </p><p>“Where did you really go?” Robbe asked.</p><p>“Starbucks,” Sander mumbled. “And before you ask, no I didn’t have any assignments. That was also a lie.”</p><p>“So you skipped a free beach trip to spend time with me?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>A warm feeling filled his chest, flattered by Sander's attempts to become his friend again. “You could have just told me you wanted to be friends again, you know. Would have been a lot less complicated.”</p><p>Sander groaned. “Shut up, I know. We went over this already. I let you slap me in the face.”</p><p>“You slapped him?” said Jens, furrowing his eyebrows.</p><p>Robbe raised his hands in defense. “It was his idea.”</p><p>“You guys are weird,” said Moyo.</p><p>Sander gave him a playful nudge to his side. Robbe giggled. He hadn’t laughed this much in a long time. Things finally seemed to be looking up for him. He liked his studies, his roommates were like the family he never had, he didn’t have to deal with his dickhead of a father anymore and most importantly, he had Sander back. He could get used to this new life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The story is far from over but I just wanted to say that writing this fic and reading your comments has been the most fun I've had in a long time :')</p><p>Updates will come a bit less frequently because I'm really busy with college atm but I will still upload once a week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Even if You Dyed Your Hair Purple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 10:52</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was relaxing on his bed. It was Saturday morning. For the first time in forever, he had woken up early without a hangover, feeling refreshed. He already had breakfast and didn’t have any obligations for the rest of the day. Life was good.</p><p>They had gone to the house party Moyo had suggested last night, which turned out to be more of a small gathering than an actual house party. After sitting in an awkward circle with the other attendees, they had come up with a lame excuse and left to a pub, where they had a couple more beers. It hadn’t been the crazy night they had intended on, but Robbe didn’t mind.</p><p>Sander wandered into his room, wearing nothing but his underwear and a Bowie shirt. He shivered. “Fuck it’s cold in here!” </p><p>He quickly made his way over to Robbe’s bed and crawled under the covers. Robbe’s heart fluttered at the familiarity of it, neither of them finding it weird to crawl into each other’s bed. They really were friends again. But it was more than that. Robbe had never crawled into Jens’ bed. He never even felt the urge to. Maybe him and Sander were getting too close too fast. But right now it felt too good to do anything about it.</p><p>He was surprised at how effortless they were getting along. Everything was easy when it came to his friendship with Sander. He hadn’t experienced that with anyone else. Robbe had never been a super social person. He always had a couple of friends, but he wasn’t a person to get along with everyone. He didn’t hang out with a lot of people one on one, always a bit anxious for uncomfortable silences. But with Sander he didn’t even have to think. Everything came natural. He hadn’t expected that to still be the case, considering they hadn’t seen each other in nine years.</p><p>“Why do you have your window open?” Sander asked, pulling the covers up to his nose.</p><p>“Because I’m always hot after a night of drinking and a room needs to be ventilated from time to time,” he replied, shifting on the bed to make room for Sander.</p><p>“Really? I never do that.”</p><p>“I’ve noticed,” Robbe said, hinting at the fire alarm incident.</p><p>Sander hid his face under the covers, embarrassed by the reminder of his previous behavior.</p><p>Robbe grinned. “Was that really an accident or just another attempt to talk to me?”</p><p>“No that really was an accident,” he said. “I was afraid you would throw me out of the house after that.”</p><p>Robbe had seriously considered packing his bag and joining the rest at the beach that day. He probably would have if Sander’s attitude hadn’t changed.</p><p>“Well, it was close. Is that why you came up with the idea to start hovering the hallway?” </p><p>“I was desperate okay?” Sander whined. “I didn’t know what else to do.”</p><p>“God forbid you just talked to me,” he murmured, distracted by his phone.</p><p>“I know. But sometimes you just have to be an idiot and learn from it and never do it again.” </p><p>When Robbe didn’t reply, Sander looked up at him. “What are you laughing at?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Robbe smirked. “Moyo just send a stupid meme.”</p><p>“In your group chat?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Sander fidgeted with his pillow. “Do you think I could maybe, uh- would it be okay if I still joined?”</p><p>Robbe looked up from his phone. “You want to join our group chat?” </p><p>Sander started rambling without looking him in the eye. “I mean, if I’m still welcome. I totally understand if you don’t want me in it because you’re closer to them than I am and I don’t want to force our friendship like you can just say it if I need to back off and-“</p><p>“Sander, chill,” he said. “Of course you can join, no big deal. Aaron will be over the moon.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Sander asked, finally looking up at him.</p><p>“Absolutely. I just hope you won’t regret it.”</p><p>“I won’t,” said Sander, giving him a relieved smile.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Broerrrs</span> </strong>
</p><p>*you added Sander*</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: Nooo waaaaaaay</p><p>Hey man!</p><p>So cool of you to join!!!</p><p>Can’t wait for us to hang out more often😃</p><p>You see?</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: Hahaha</p><p>Hey!</p><p>I hope its okay Robbe added me</p><p>And sorry for leaving last time</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: No worries bro</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: You have no idea what you got yourself into</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: Be prepared for jens’ weekly rants about toothpaste</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: ?</p><p>Trust me you dont wanna know</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 12:56</strong>
</p><p>They had met up with Sander’s sister at a coffee shop down their street. She was already sitting at a table near the window when they arrived. Robbe hadn’t recognized her. He had last seen Lize when she was eight.</p><p>He remembered her as this little girl who always ran around in Sander’s old clothes, a high ponytail bouncing on her head. When she wasn’t playing soccer in front of their house, she could usually be found up in a tree somewhere. Lize usually tagged along with them, until a new girl moved in down the street. She soon became best friends with the girl and didn’t hang out with them as much anymore. They basically were the younger female version of Robbe and Sander. It was cute, but they were a little offended that Lize traded them in for someone else.</p><p>A tall Lize was standing in front of him right now. She was a bit taller than Sander, which made her almost a head taller than Robbe. She didn’t wear a ponytail anymore, her long brown hair coming up to her waist. She was wearing the same Dr. Martens as her brother. Robbe had always been taller than Lize, but now he had to lift his head to be able to look her in the eye. All of a sudden Robbe felt like the youngest one of the group. He was two years older than Lize but standing in front of her like this, he felt like a toddler. It freaked him out. He straightened his back in an attempt to look taller but it didn’t do much for him.</p><p>Lize didn’t seem to have a problem with their shifted dynamic. She smiled brightly and wrapped him in a tight hug.</p><p>“This is so exciting!” she cheered, giving Sander a playful shove.</p><p>They sat down at the table and waited for the waiter to come and take their order.</p><p>“How was your sleepover at Karin’s?” Sander asked. “Lize stayed over at my aunt’s last night,” he explained to Robbe.</p><p>“Ugh, fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “She didn’t put the night light on this time.”</p><p>Sander chuckled. “Next time you should just stay over at mine again.”</p><p>“And risk running into Moyo again? I think the fuck not,” Lize scoffed.</p><p>“What?” Robbe asked, not following their conversation.</p><p>“Last time she walked in on a butt naked Moyo in the bathroom,” Sander grinned. </p><p>Robbe laughed, imagining the incident in his head.</p><p>“Let’s say I was a little traumatized,” said Lize. She leaned over to Robbe. “But enough about me. Robbe, what have you been up to? Tell me everything.”</p><p>When she said ‘tell me everything’, she really meant everything. She wanted to know what he was studying, why he had chosen to major in psychology, how his parents were doing and how college life was treating him. </p><p>She listened attentively to his stories, occasionally adding commentary. Lize was mature for her age. She seemed to know exactly who she was and what she wanted. She was planning on studying sociology at University of Antwerp next year, which is why she was in town for the open day. Lize didn’t used to look like Sander, but now she was older he could see the resemblances. They both had the same laugh and strong eyebrows.</p><p>After chatting for almost three hours, Lize had to go. She wanted to catch the train back to Liège before it got dark.</p><p>“Are you still coming over next weekend?” she asked Sander.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll come by on Saturday so we can go together,” he replied.</p><p>“Great,” she said, giving her brother a quick hug.</p><p>She turned to Robbe. “I hope it won’t be another nine years before we’ll see each other again,” she said, giving him an apologetic smile.</p><p>“I’m sure it won’t,” Rob said, giving her a hug as well.</p><p>They said goodbye in front of the coffee shop and went their separate ways. It was a warm autumn day. Robbe and Sander walked back to the house, leafs ruffling under their feet. Robbe grabbed his phone to check the time.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Aaron</span> </strong>
</p><p>Did you upload the assignment already?</p><p>I forgot to mention that article about Bandura</p><p>Could you add that to the bibliography</p><p>Robbe?</p><hr/><p>A wave of panic went through Robbe’s body. He felt lightheaded, a tingling feeling filling his head and arms, his legs turning into jelly.</p><p>
  <em>No no no no no.</em>
</p><p>His mind went into overdrive. He was supposed to hand in their paper at three o’clock. It counted for fifty percent of their grade. He had promised Aaron he would take care of it. Aaron was going to kill him. How could this have happened? Why hadn’t he set a reminder? He had never missed a deadline in his life. There was no way he was going to pass the course now. Aaron was going to fail because of him. </p><p>He had stopped in his tracks, trying to steady his breathing. His skin felt weird, a cold sweat coming out of his pores.</p><p>Sander immediately noticed something was wrong. He tried to catch Robbe’s attention. “Robbe,” he said in a calm and soothing voice. “Hey, look at me.”</p><p>Robbe looked up, eyes filled with panicked tears.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I- I was supposed to upload a paper before three o’clock. I promised Aaron I would handle it. It’s fifty percent of our grade and now there’s no way I’m going to pass this course and the others are even harder and Aaron is going to kill me because he put so much work into it,” said Robbe, grasping for air and trying to shake the panic out of his arms.</p><p>“Calm down, calm down,” said Sander, reaching for his hand. He hesitated. “Can I touch you?”</p><p>Robbe didn’t like people touching him when he was on the brink of a panic attack. He felt like he was suffocating and others usually made it worse. But Sander seemed to understand he had to be careful so Robbe decided to trust him. He nodded, desperately trying to calm down his breathing.</p><p>Sander carefully took his hand and brought it to his chest. He covered it with his own hand and started rubbing his dumb in soothing circles over the back of Robbe’s hand. “We’re just going to breath together, okay?” </p><p>He nodded again, trying to match his breathing with Sander’s. It wasn’t working. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t submit a fucking paper on time and now he couldn’t even remember how to breath. He was such a fucking failure. “I can’t,” he panted.</p><p>“Yes you can. You’re doing great.”</p><p>Robbe knew this trick. It didn’t work on him. He knew damn well he wasn’t doing great. In fact, he was doing worse. It felt like his airway was shrinking by the minute. A burning feeling filled his chest. He couldn’t see clearly. He felt like he was going to faint.</p><p>“Hey,” said Sander in a soft voice, trying to grab his attention. “You’re anxiety is lying to you. You know that, right?”</p><p>That did grab his attention. Robbe didn’t know that. He never thought about it like that. The tingling feeling slowly left his body. His breathing became steadier. He could think again.</p><p>Sander noticed and carefully took Robbe’s hand off his chest but didn’t let go of his hand. He kept rubbing circles on it with his thumb.</p><p>Robbe took a deep breath. Now that the panic had faded away, a feeling of embarrassment filled his body. He freaked out in the middle of the street. He almost fainted because he missed a deadline. Sander must think he was such a pussy. </p><p>“Feeling better?” Sander asked.</p><p>Robbe nodded. All he could do was nod. He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to cry. Silent tears ran down his face. He tried to wipe them away with his free hand. As if he hadn’t embarrassed himself enough, he was now also crying in public. Great. </p><p>Sander cautiously tucked at his hand, inviting him into a hug but giving Robbe enough space to decline.</p><p>Robbe immediately gave in. He buried his face into Sander’s chest. His legs were still wobbly. Sander lightly wrapped his arms around him, making sure not to suffocate him.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he whispered, running a soothing hand through Robbe’s hair. “Just send your professor an email and explain. I’m sure he’ll understand.”</p><p>“They don’t make exceptions,” Robbe sniffed against his shoulder.</p><p>“They only say that to make sure students hand it in on time. I can help you write the email if you want. I’ve got plenty of experience with this kind of stuff.”</p><p>“But what about Aaron? He depended on me. What if he fails this course because of me?”</p><p>“I’m sure he knows you didn’t do it on purpose. Everyone makes mistakes,” said Sander.</p><p>“But what if it affects our friendship?”</p><p>“Robbe, that’s ridiculous. Friendships don’t depend on things like that. If he doesn’t want to be your friend because of this, he was never your friend.”</p><p>Robbe lifted his head, wiping his face dry. He gave him a small nod. </p><p>“Let’s go home,” said Sander, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “We’re going to write this professor an email so dramatic, they’re going to give you an extra week to finish it.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 20:23</strong>
</p><p>They were having a movie night with the house. It was the first time all twelve of them had been home at the same time since Robbe arrived. Senne had set up a beamer that projected on the wall above the fireplace. Keisha put some cushions on the ground so everyone had a place to sit. They were waiting for Zoë and Moyo to finish preparing the snacks in the kitchen. </p><p>Robbe noticed Amber was sitting alone. He signaled Aaron, explaining with his eyes that he should join her. Aaron quickly made his way over to the empty seat beside her, giving him a thankful nod. Robbe sat down next to Jana. </p><p>“I heard professor Verhulst made an exception for you,” she said, narrowing her eyes. </p><p>“Uh yeah, I forgot to hand in our paper on time.”</p><p>“What did you do? Suck his dick?”</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “No. Sander helped me write the email.”</p><p>“Must have been one hell of an email then. I forgot to hand in a question for a guest lecture last year and he made me write a 2000 words paper about it. You should really keep Sander and his magic words close.”</p><p>
  <em>That’s the plan.</em>
</p><p>“I will,” he said. “By the way, do you have a summary of developmental psychology?”</p><p>“Depends on what I get in return,” said Jana, folding her arms.</p><p>Robbe scoffed. “I shared my notes with you all through high school and now you won’t even give me your summary without anything in return?”</p><p>“I would like to take advantage of Sander’s writing skills as well,” Jana shrugged.</p><p>“You can ask him yourself,” he said, nodding at Sander who just walked up to them.</p><p>“Ask me what?” Sander asked, his hair wet from showering.</p><p>“Can you help me write one of those emails as well?” Jana pouted.</p><p>“Nope, only my special friends can use those services.”</p><p>Jana let out an annoyed sigh. Robbe tried to hide his grin.</p><p>“Can I sit here?” Sander asked, pointing at the spot between Robbe and Jana.</p><p>She groaned, reluctantly scooting over. “Seriously? First you two have a bitch fight for weeks and now you’re so clingy you can’t even watch a movie sitting apart.” </p><p>Sander shrugged, making himself comfortable next to Robbe on the couch. </p><p>Zoë and Moyo came out of the kitchen with two big plates full of snacks. When everyone had found a seat, Luca put the movie on pause. They were going to watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone. She stood up in front of the fireplace, tapping the side of her wine glass to ask for silence. </p><p>“Before we start watching this banger, I would like to remind the newbies of our movie night rules,” she said, turning towards Robbe, Aaron and Noor. “Rule number one, don’t talk during the movie. Rule number two, and this one especially applies to Mr. Malfoy over there, so-called intelligent commentary also counts as talking,” she said, glancing at Sander.</p><p>“But it makes the experience better,” he pouted.</p><p>“I don’t fucking care, I would like to hear what they’re saying without your endless rambling about biblical references.”</p><p>‘You’ve seen it ten times already!” he argued.</p><p>“And I would like to see it again,” she replied, sitting down and pressing play. </p><p>The enchanting sounds of the famous theme song echoed through their living room. Robbe grabbed a snack and leaning back. He loved Harry Potter. He read all the books as a kid. It was his ultimate comfort story.</p><p>About half an hour into the movie, during the scene where Hagrid first takes Harry to Diagon Alley, Sander stretched out his arm on the back of the couch, lightly brushing against Robbe’s neck. </p><p>
  <em>Did he just?</em>
</p><p>No. That wasn’t a move. He had watched too many teen movies. Nobody actually did that in real life. It didn’t mean anything.  He was probably just resting his arm on there because they were so crammed up on the couch. Although, there seemed to be plenty of space between him and Jana. No. He was being delusional.</p><p>Just when Robbe had convinced himself that he was making things up, Sander’s leg brushed against his as well. </p><p>
  <em>Was it hot in here?</em>
</p><p>He shouldn’t be affected by this. But he was. The parts of his body that were touching Sander were on fire. It was ridiculous.</p><p>
  <em>Calm the fuck down.</em>
</p><p>He couldn’t be catching feelings for Sander. He couldn’t. They only recently made up. Robbe just got him back. He couldn’t afford to make things complicated. But why did it feel so good? He could just lean in a bit. It didn’t have to mean anything. Noor was also resting her legs on Moyo’s lap. No big deal.</p><p>Robbe woke up to the sound of the ending credits. Apparently Sander’s chest was a little too comfortable. He quickly sat up, acting like nothing had happened.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 20:18</strong>
</p><p>Robbe and Sander were studying together in Sander’s room. Sander was working on a charcoal assignment at his desk and Robbe was reading articles for tomorrow’s lecture on the bed. A jazz rap album was softly playing on a record player in the background. They had been working in silence for about an hour. Sander was the only person, next to Jens, with whom he could sit in silence without it being uncomfortable.</p><p>Before they made up, Robbe had been in Sander’s room on a few occasions. He had never taken the time to really look around though. Being in Sander’s room was like getting a look inside his head. His walls were covered with so many photographs and drawings that Robbe still hadn’t gotten the chance to carefully look at them all. He loved how all those pictures and drawings said so much about the way Sander saw the world. They were raw and dark but full of love. </p><p>Robbe’s eyes fell on the row of pictures above Sander’s bed. They weren’t black and white, unlike the rest of them. He hadn’t studied them yet, so he shuffled closer on the bed to have a look.</p><p>There was a picture of Sander and Lize sitting next to each other, that seemed to have been taken at Lize’s birthday party a couple of years ago, judging from the party hat she was wearing. Next to it was a picture of a dog, that Robbe immediately remembered as Sander’s dog Max.</p><p>“What happened to Max?”</p><p>Sander looked up from his sketchbook. “We, uh, had to give him away,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning down. “Our apartment in Liège was to small for him.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Sander gave a small shrug. “It is what it is.”</p><p>He looked through the rest of the pictures. There was a picture of Adi and a group picture of his roommates that must have been taken last year. His gaze fell on a picture right above Sander’s pillow. It was a picture of the two of them. Robbe remembered it being taken. It had been the summer of Robbe’s eight birthday. His mom had gifted him a skateboard. Him and Sander had taken turns on it all day. They had fallen on the ground more than they actually managed to move forward on it, but it had been fun. In the picture they were sitting on the sidewalk, the skateboard trapped under Robbe’s feet. They were smiling proudly into the camera, their scraped knees covered in colorful band Aids. </p><p>Robbe wondered how long the picture had been there. It was hanging right next to the mural that he had commented on the night he had drunkenly burst into Sander’s room. “When did you put this up?” he asked, pointing at the picture.</p><p>“When I moved in,” Sander replied.</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>“So it was already hanging here when, uh, I accidentally walked into your room that night?”</p><p>“Accidentally?” Sander asked with cheeky smile. “You seemed to have a whole plan with the way you started taking off your clothes so fast.”</p><p>“It <em>was</em> an accident,” Robbe groaned, throwing a pillow at his head.</p><p>“Did you also make fun of my mural by accident?” Sander smirked, putting the pillow on his lap.</p><p>Robbe cringed at the reminder of their conversation that night. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was just annoyed with you and how good it looked.”</p><p>“How good I looked or how good the mural looked?” Sander smirked. </p><p>
  <em>Both.</em>
</p><p>“The mural,” Robbe said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Amber was standing in the doorway looking all dressed up.</p><p>“You look nice,” said Sander, commenting on her outfit. </p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you need money again?”</p><p>“No?” said Sander, a little offended. “Do <em>you</em> need money? Or did you come in here to make fun of my art like Robbe?”</p><p>She readjusted her skirt. “No, I wanted to ask if you’re still coming on Sunday.”</p><p>“Yeah, we’ll be there around three,” said Sander.  </p><p>“Okay great! Don’t buy her the new Rituals package, that’s my present.”</p><p>“Uh, I think my mom already bought a present. Let me check,” said Sander, picking up his phone to text his mom. </p><p>“Thanks. See you on Sunday then!”</p><p>“Yeah, see you Sunday!”</p><p>Robbe watched Amber close the door. He looked back at Sander, confused as to what just happened. Sander and Amber didn’t have any mutual friends as far as he was aware. Besides, he thought Sander would go visit his parents this weekend. “Uh, what the fuck?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I thought you were going to visit your parents this weekend?” he asked, frowning.</p><p>“I am?” said Sander, not seeming to understand why Robbe was confused.</p><p>
  <em>Huh.</em>
</p><p>“Does Amber’s friend also live in Liège?”</p><p>“No,” Sander grinned, now realizing what the misunderstanding was about. “Amber’s <em>mom</em> lives in Leuven but we’re going to her birthday party on Sunday.”</p><p>That didn’t make it any less confusing. “Uh, why are you going to Amber’s mom’s birthday party?”</p><p>“She’s my aunt, remember?”</p><p>
  <em>What.</em>
</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>Sander laughed at the sight of Robbe’s shocked face. “You really don’t remember? She used to come over every Christmas. The blonde girl with the high-pitched voice and pigtails who refused to wear clothes that weren’t pink. Doesn’t ring a bell?”</p><p>All of a sudden everything clicked in Robbe’s head. “Holy shit! Amber is you’re annoying cousin?” he yelled.</p><p>During the holidays Amber and her mother would always stay over at Sander’s. His parents would force them to play with each other. But Amber didn’t like playing video games or building a hut or any of the other things they liked doing, so it always ended up with Robbe and Sander sitting on Sander’s bed being bored out of their minds while Amber commented on things like Sander’s messy hair and Robbe’s untied shoelaces.</p><p>Robbe couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Sander’s niece was the same Amber as his roommate. He somehow never made the link, like that Amber existed in a different universe. He couldn’t believe he recognized Sander with the bleach blonde hair and cold attitude but never recognized Amber, who hadn’t really changed that much, now that he thought about it.</p><p>“Shh! She can hear you,” Sander whispered.</p><p>“Amber!” Robbe shouted. He really needed her to explain some things to him.</p><p>“Yes?” Amber replied from her room. </p><p>“Can you come over here for a sec?”</p><p>A few seconds later, she appeared in the door opening again. “What’s up?”</p><p>“You knew I was Sander’s old neighbor?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah?” she said, raising her eyebrows with an unimpressed look on her face. “You haven’t exactly changed much.”</p><p>“But you- why did you never say anything? Why didn’t you- you didn’t find it weird Sander and I were fighting?” Robbe stammered, trying to make sense of it all.</p><p>“Uh, not really. Sander and I aren’t that close and I only saw you once a year when we were kids. I thought you two had fallen out or something.”</p><p>Robbe stared at her with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe he had been living with Sander’s niece for months without realizing it had been her.</p><p>“Was that it?” Amber asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Sorry for not recognizing you.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, rolling her eyes and walking back to her room.</p><p>Robbe turned to Sander again. “Anything else you forgot to tell me about? I feel like I don’t even know you.”</p><p>Sander’s face dropped. “Please don’t say that.”</p><p>“I’m kidding. It was just a mindfuck.”</p><p>“No you’re not,” he said, his voice serious all of a sudden. “Sometimes you look at me like I’m a stranger.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>Robbe knew what he was talking about. He couldn’t help but stare at Sander sometimes when he told him something about himself that Robbe didn’t know yet. Or when they were talking about their childhood and it turned out that Sander had a different view on something. Robbe had to readjust his imagine of Sander that he had been building up in his head for nine years. He hadn’t thought about how it might have come across.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, moving to the edge of the bed to get closer to Sander. “I didn’t realize I was doing that. Sometimes I’m still having difficulty with adding up the old you and the new you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I just have to get to know you again.”</p><p>“But I don’t like that we have to get to know each other again,” Sander said, his voice small.</p><p>“Why not? We have all the time in the world to do that.”</p><p>“Because I’m still the same person,” said Sander. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.</p><p>“Of course you are,” Robbe reassured him. “But you’ve also changed. I’ve changed as well. People change all the time. There is nothing wrong with that.”</p><p>Sander didn’t respond. He kept staring at his lap.</p><p>“Hey,” said Robbe, reaching out to hold his knee in an attempt to comfort him. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Sander looked up at him with teary eyes. “Do you- do you like the new me?” </p><p>“Obviously,” he said. “Why else would I be sitting here?”</p><p>Sander fumbled with the pillow in his hands. “Because you feel sorry for me?” he said so softly that Robbe almost didn’t hear him. </p><p>Robbe frowned. “What? You really think that?”</p><p>“Sometimes,” Sander shrugged.</p><p>“Sander,” he said, grabbing his other knee as well to make sure Sander would understand what he was saying. “You know how many nights I fell asleep to the thought of us reuniting? Having you back into my life again is all I ever wanted. I like all versions of you. I’ll always want to be your friend, even if you dye your hair purple.”</p><p>Sander let out a relieved sigh. “Me too.”</p><p>“Am I teasing you too much? Is that it? Because I can stop doing that.”</p><p>“No, I like it when you tease me,” Sander said, giving him a small smile. “It keeps me grounded.”</p><p>“Okay. What can I do to assure you I want to be your friend then?” he asked, taking his hands off Sander’s legs and sitting back up again.</p><p>Sander shrugged.</p><p>“Come on, I can see you have something in mind. Say it.”</p><p>“I guess a hug from time to time would be nice,” he mumbled.</p><p>Robbe chuckled. He had a weak spot for insecure Sander. He was just too adorable. “Come here,” he said, spreading his arms.</p><p>Sander got up from his chair and wrapped himself in Robbe’s arms, letting out a satisfied sigh.</p><p>“You know, you’re the most clingy friend I’ve ever had. I’ve hugged you more in the past week than I’ve hugged Jens in my entire life,” said Robbe, making sure he was holding him tightly.</p><p>“Jens doesn’t know what he’s missing then.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 13:36</strong>
</p><p>“Do you need a summary of the next courses as well?” Zoë asked.</p><p>They had been occupying a table in the library all morning. Their roommates had come and gone but Robbe, Zoë and Jana hadn’t been away from their seats since nine o’clock. Zoë was his favorite study partner. She took studying as serious as he did and helped him out whenever he needed it.</p><p>“Uh, yeah if you have those. That would be great.” </p><p>“Of course,” she said. “I emailed them to you.”</p><p>Robbe checked his email. Zoë had sent him summaries of all his courses this year. She was really saving his ass. The courses seemed to get more and more difficult and Robbe didn’t have the time to read all the literature anymore. “Thanks, you’re the best.”</p><p>She smiled. “No problem. Otherwise they’re just sitting there on my laptop.”</p><p>“Yeah well, not everyone is so generous,” Robbe said, throwing Jana an accusing look.</p><p>“Jana has been using my summaries since the start of first year so that doesn’t surprise me,” Zoe grinned.</p><p>Jana took her headphones off. “Hmm?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>Jens walked up to them. He dropped his bag on the table and sat down next to Zoë.</p><p>“Back already?” Jana frowned. “I thought you were going to the gym afterwards?”</p><p>“I did. It’s half past one,” said Jens.</p><p>Jana looked at her phone. “Shit, Zoë we have to go! Practicum already started.”</p><p>They crammed everything into their bags and sprinted out of the library, quickly waving at Robbe and Jens. </p><p>Jens opened his laptop, making no attempt to actually start studying. “How is Sander?”</p><p>“Good,” Robbe replied. “We met up with his sister on Sunday. It was weird seeing her again but also nice.”</p><p>“You seem really close.”</p><p>“Yeah, we’ve sort of rolled into old habits again. It’s crazy how normal it feels,” he said.</p><p>Jens fidgeted with the pen in his hand like he wanted to ask something but didn’t know how to formulate his question. “Was Sander always that, uh, affectionate?”</p><p>Robbe blushed. He could see where this conversation was going and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. “I mean, kind of. Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know, sometimes it seems like there is more going on between you two.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked, even though he knew exactly what Jens meant.</p><p>“Just the way he looks at you and always touches you and stuff,” said Jens.</p><p>Robbe had noticed that too. He had brushed it off as wishful thinking at first, but Sander’s intentions were becoming more and more clear so there was no use in denying it anymore. They didn’t have a conversation about it yet. Robbe didn’t even know if he wanted to have a conversation about it. He was grateful for where they were at now and didn’t want to risk it. “We’re just friends.”</p><p>“Are you sure there isn’t more going on?” Jens asked.</p><p>Robbe sighed. He didn’t know why he still tried to lie to Jens. “No. But I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I can date him or anything.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>
  <em>Why not? What kind of question was that?</em>
</p><p>“Uh, because there is so much history and we only just rekindled our friendship again and-“</p><p>“And what?” Jens interrupted him.</p><p>“And I will fuck it up. I can’t lose him again. I just can’t.”</p><p>Jens folded his hands on the table. “Do you trust him?”</p><p>He did trust Sander. That wasn’t the problem. “I mean, yes but I don’t trust myself. I will freak out and screw everything up.”</p><p>“Stop denying yourself good things, Robbe.”</p><p>“I’m not denying myself good things!” he exclaimed. “I’m rather trying to maintain the good things in my life.”</p><p>“But maybe things could become even better if you wouldn’t try to control everything so much. You’ll never know if you continue to set all these rules for yourself,” said Jens.</p><p>Robbe sighed. Jens did have a point. “But I don’t want to lose him again.”</p><p>“I don’t think he has any intend on leaving you. Trust me, I notice the way he looks at you,” said Jens, wiggling his eyebrows.</p><p>“Only recently. Not even three weeks ago he acted like he hated me,” Robbe argued.</p><p>“And did that have anything to do with something you did?”</p><p>“Uh, no but-“</p><p>“Nah ah!” Jens interrupted him, shaking his head. “No more but’s. Just see where it goes.”</p><p>Robbe wasn’t done arguing, but Jens put on his headphones and re-directed his attention to his laptop screen, deciding that the conversation was over.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 18:47</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was doing the dishes with Moyo and Luca. Aaron had cooked them dinner, which had turned out to be delicious. Robbe wondered if Aaron had any other hidden talents he wasn’t aware off. </p><p>“Bro I know you cooked, but if you’re just going to stand here doing nothing you might as well make yourself useful,” Moyo said, throwing a towel at his head.</p><p>“Don’t think so,” Aaron said, grabbing the towel off his head. “I like watching you clean up the mess I made.”</p><p>Moyo groaned, taking another wet plate from the counter to dry. </p><p>All of a sudden there was a loud smack, followed by Moyo yelping in pain. Robbe stopped scrubbing the pan and turn around to see what happened. Aaron was standing with the towel in his hand, a guilty smirk on his face. </p><p>“Son of a bitch!” Moyo yelled, rolling up his towel and trying to hit Aaron back with the same force. It didn’t work. “How did you do that?” he asked, frustratingly slapping his slack towel at him. </p><p>“You need a special talent for it that you clearly don’t have,” Aaron grinned.</p><p>“Well, you’ve just destroyed you’re chance of me being you’re wingman tomorrow night. Good luck trying to woo Amber with that special talent.”</p><p>“Boys, boys,” Luca interrupted them. “Can we save the fighting for after we’ve done the dishes or do I need to get my butter sock involved?”</p><p>“Fine,” they sighed simultaneously, picking up the wet dishes from the counter. After a few minutes of doing the dishes in silence, there was another smack, this one even louder than the first.</p><p>“Fuck!” Aaron screamed, throwing an accusing look at Moyo. Moyo stared back at him with a surprised look on his face, both of his hands wrapped around a plate.</p><p>“Om my god,” Luca giggled. “I didn’t know I had it in me, I swear.”</p><p>Aaron’s jaw dropped. “You- you are-“ he stuttered.</p><p>“What?” she smirked. “Surprised I have more talent than you?”</p><p>“I would better start running if I were you.”</p><p>Luca sprinted out of the kitchen, followed by a yelling Aaron. They almost ran into Sander, who furrowed his brows.</p><p>“What the fuck is going on in here?”</p><p>“I’m trying to do the dishes with a bunch of twelve year olds,” Robbe sighed.</p><p>Sander chuckled. “Hey bestie,” he said, wrapping an arm around Robbe’s shoulder and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Ever since their roommates reacted in absolute shock to their reconciliation, Sander had been finding it amusing to shock them with even more random public affection. Robbe had a feeling that wasn’t his only motive but he tried not to overthink it. </p><p>Moyo raised his eyebrows at them. “Don’t let Jens hear that.”</p><p>“Hey!” Robbe giggled. “Apparently we’re going out tomorrow, want to come?”</p><p>“Sure,” said Sander, leaning against the counter. </p><p>Robbe put the last clean glass in the dish rack and let the dirty water flush away. </p><p>“Luca and Aaron can clean the rest up when they’re done with their towel fight,” Moyo said, hanging his towel out to dry and walking into the living room.</p><p>Robbe tried wiping a strand of hair out of his face with his arm because his hands were still wet with soap. Sander took a step forward and lucked the hair behind his ear, giving him a soft smile. Robbe’s cheeks turned pink. Sander couldn’t just do things like that and expect him not to get affected by it.</p><p>“I like your hair like this. Why did you always used to keep it short?”</p><p>“I don’t know. My mom took me to the hairdressers every month. I only let it grow because I don’t have the money to get a haircut every month,” Robbe shrugged. “I like your hair too actually.”</p><p>“Really?” Sander asked, sounding surprised.</p><p>“Yeah, it suits you. Really brings out your eyes.”</p><p>Sander lets out a fond chuckle. “Thanks beauty guru.”</p><p>“No I just meant they- your eyes stand out more because of the hair. The contrast is bigger with- forget it. I’m never giving you a compliment again,” he groaned.</p><p>Sander barked out a laugh, ruffling his hair.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 23:29</strong>
</p><p>It was one of those nights where everything was good. The music was good, the beer tasted better than usual and everyone was having fun. Robbe was enjoying himself so much that he had even twerked a little.</p><p>He was sitting on a barstool, giving his legs some rest after all that excessive dancing. He liked sitting back and watching his friends have a good time. </p><p>Sander walked up to him with a coke in his hand, taking a seat on the stool next to him. It was still too far away.</p><p>“Come sit next to me,” Robbe whined. </p><p>“I’m already sitting next to you,” Sander laughed.</p><p>“Not close enough,” he said, making grabby hands at Sander. All shame left his body when he was drunk.</p><p>Sander got up and moved his barstool closer to Robbe’s. “How drunk are you?”  </p><p>Robbe thought long and hard about that question. “Well, I’m definitely drunk but it’s not like, bothering me. I feel a bit lightheaded but I’m not dizzy or anything. I actually feel really good. My throat is a little dry, though. What about you?”</p><p>“I’m taking it slow,” he said, raising the coke in his hand.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “Because I don’t feel like drinking.”</p><p>Robbe stared at him, his mouth hanging open a bit. Sander looked breathtaking tonight. The lighting in the club made his features stand out even more. He needed to say something, before Sander would think that he looked at him like he was a stranger again. The fact that Sander had thought that he didn’t actually like him broke his heart.</p><p>“I like your birthmarks,” he said, touching Sander’s cheek and neck. “They’re pretty.”  He wrapped an arm around Sander’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder. “I’m just going to rest my head on here for a little bit, okay?” </p><p>“I didn’t know drunk Robbe was so clingy,” Sander laughed. </p><p>Robbe let out an offended noise, tilting his head back up again. “I’m not clingy! Can’t a person hug their friends?”</p><p>Sander chuckled. “Of course you can. I’m just surprised by all this sudden affection. I’m going to get another drink. Do you want me to get you a water?”</p><p>“I don’t need water! I’m not that drunk!”</p><p>“Another beer then?” he asked.</p><p>“No, I’m a bit thirsty actually. Maybe a water would be nice.”</p><p>Sander smiled. “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>-</p><p>Robbe was standing on the dance floor again, sober this time. The bottle of water and heavy sweating had flushed the alcohol out of his system. Sander was twisting his hips to the beat of Purple Hat by Sofi Tukker. He didn’t know Sander had moves. His other roommates were nowhere to be found. They should probably go look for them.</p><p>Sander kept staring down at Robbe’s lips. His pupils were blown. Was he drunk? Robbe had seen him with two beers at most but maybe he had taken shots when Robbe had been in the bathroom. “Are you drunk?”</p><p>“Depends,” Sander mumbled.</p><p>“On what?”</p><p>“If you want to act like this never happened tomorrow or not.”</p><p>Robbe’s first impulse was to act like he didn’t know what Sander was talking about. But they were past that phase. Jens was right. He had to stop denying himself good things. “I don’t.”</p><p>Sander smiled, licking his lips. “No?” </p><p>Robbe shook his head. He could hear his heartbeat beating in his ears. This was really happening. They were about to kiss.</p><p>Sander cupped his cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He looked Robbe in the eye, asking him a silent question. Robbe couldn’t answer. He couldn’t even nod. The only thing he was able to do right now was stare back at Sander with anticipation in his eyes and hope he understood. Sander stopped moving his thumb. His gaze went down to Robbe’s lips again. He slowly leaned in, closing his eyes. A soft and lingering kiss landed on Robbe’s mouth.</p><p>
  <em>Holy fucking shit.</em>
</p><p>They were kissing. Sander’s lips were on his. He now knew what Sander’s lips felt like against his. They were soft and warm and perfect. This was great. He could get used to this. Why didn’t they do this sooner?</p><p>After a few seconds, Sander pulled away to eye his reaction. Robbe only made a disappointed noise with the back of his throat, hoping it would convince Sander enough to put his mouth back on his as soon as possible. It worked. Sander smiled and leaned in again. They slowly started moving their lips against each other, exploring each other’s mouth but still holding back a bit. Robbe was feeling so much at once that he forgot to breath. He pushed Sander away, grasping for air.</p><p>“Sorry, I shouldn’t have-“ Sander started.</p><p>Robbe covered Sander’s mouth with his hand before he could finish his sentence. He didn’t want any misunderstandings anymore. “I just need to catch my breath.”</p><p>“What?” Sander mumbled against his hand.</p><p>“I pushed you away because I forgot to breath,” he explained, taking his hand away.</p><p>“Oh, okay,” Sander replied, scratching the back of his head. </p><p>Robbe took a few deep breaths before he dared to look at him again. Sander’s lips were swollen. His pupils were wide, damp hair sticking against his forehead. He had never looked this good. Fuck breathing. Breathing was overrated. Robbe needed to get his lips back on Sander’s right now. </p><p>“I’m good,” he said, wrapping his arms around Sander’s neck and pulling him in. </p><p>Sander was a surprised by the sudden movement but quickly adjusted, smiling against his lips and grabbing him by the waist to hold him even closer.</p><p>The softness of their last kiss had gone up in smoke. This one was more intense and full of longing. Sander deepened the kiss, licking against Robbe’s bottom lip to ask for access. He opened his mouth, gliding his tongue against Sander’s. He tasted like beer and cigarettes and Sander. Robbe buried his hand in the bleach blonde hair, tugging at the strands. A small groan escaped Sander’s mouth. Robbe’s body was on fire, a feeling he usually associated with panic attacks. This was so much better than a panic attack. Sander sucked on his bottom lip, which left him breathless again.</p><p>“Holy shit,” Robbe panted, pushing Sander away for the second time. “Sorry, I need a minute.”</p><p>Sander laughed, letting go of his waist. “Want to go home?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>They shuffled their way through the crowd, not caring about where their roommates were. When they got outside, Robbe realized he was starving. All that kissing had made him hungry.</p><p>“Want to grab some food first?” Sander asked.</p><p>“Stop reading my mind,” he gasped.</p><p>“I just know you too well,” Sander grinned. He looked at his phone. “We better hurry up, the kebab booth closes in five minutes.”</p><p>“Nevermind then,” Robbe sighed. “We’ll never get there in time.”</p><p>“Not with that attitude.”</p><p>“It’s a ten-minute walk!”</p><p>“Who said anything about walking? said Sander, making a move to sprint away.</p><p>“Where do you get this al this energy?” Robbe groaned.</p><p>“Last one there pays!” Sander shouted, already meters ahead of him.</p><p>Robbe ran after him. He was a good runner but his legs were shorter than Sander’s. Still, he was slowly catching up on him. They ran around the corner of the kebab booth. Robbe could already smell the food. He reached out his arm and grabbed the back of Sander’s leather jacket, trying to slow him down. Sander didn’t give up that easily and started pushing him off. After some playful wrestling, Robbe hit the counter first. The guy behind the counter didn’t even lift an eyebrow. He was used to drunk people showing up at his booth on the verge of closing time.</p><p>“Two kebabs please,” Sander panted. </p><p>The guy nodded. “Coming right up.”</p><p>“Why does spending time with you have to be so exhausting?” Robbe said, resting his arms on the counter, breathing heavily. </p><p>“I’m feeding you as well, aren’t I?” Sander grinned. “Got to keep it balanced.”</p><p>Their kebabs were ready. They began their walk home, happily babbling with their mouths full of food. They didn’t deny what had just happened but they didn’t talk about it either. After they finished their kebabs, they were quiet for a moment. It was the good kind of quiet. The kind of quiet that doesn’t need to be filled with words because things were good. Robbe started to believe that things would turn out alright.</p><p>He felt Sander’s hand brush against his. When he looked up, he met Sander’s questioning eyes. </p><p>“You don’t need to ask for permission to hold my hand, dumbass.”</p><p>Sander’s cheeks turned pink. “Okay,” he said as he intertwined their fingers.</p><p>His hands were warm and soft. It felt like home. They walked into their street. Sander let go of his hand to grab the keys out of his jacket. They tiptoed up the stairs, careful not to wake anyone up. They hesitated in front of their bedroom doors. Robbe didn’t know what to do next. He felt a bit awkward. It was too soon to invite Sander up to his room but it was also weird to go into their separate rooms when there was only a tin wall in between them. </p><p>Sander gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading into his own room, making the decision for him. “Goodnight.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>made myself tear up a bit with this one hahaha</p><p>i hope you liked it😬</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Don't Make Me Say It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 09:54</strong>
</p><p>Robbe woke up with nothing on his mind. He turned around and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep again, but then a memory of last night flashed in front of his eyes. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Sander had kissed him. He and Sander had kissed. It hadn’t been a friendly peck. They full on made out in the club. That actually happened.</p><p>
  <em>Holy shit.</em>
</p><p>The butterflies in his stomach quickly made place for a more anxious feeling. What were they thinking? They were roommates for fuck’s sake. Their bedrooms were right next to each other. How was this ever going to work out? Robbe’s anxiety driven mind started coming up with every worst-case scenario he could think of. What if it would get awkward? What if it wouldn’t work out because they went too fast? What if they would break up but still had to live together? What if Sander went back to acting cold again?</p><p>Lying in bed panicking about every which way this could go wrong wasn’t going to do him any good so he decided to get up and join his roommates for breakfast. Hopefully they had some crazy drinking stories that would take his mind off it for a while. </p><p>When he got downstairs, he found half of his roommates sitting at the dining table, Sander included. Robbe hadn’t expected him to be there. He thought Sander had already left for his parents. It would have given Robbe the perfect opportunity to clear his mind and come up with a plan before he had to face him again.</p><p>Sander looked up at him. “Good morning!” he said with a bright smile.</p><p>“Uh, good morning,” Robbe mumbled, looking Sander in the eye and immediately deciding that he wouldn’t do that anymore for the remaining of breakfast. His first worst-case scenario already came true. Things were awkward. He sat down next to Senne, head hanging low.</p><p>Amber came out of the kitchen with two big smoothies that had an unappetizing grey color. “Here, drink up,” she said, putting one drink in front of Jana.</p><p>Jana tilted her head from the table with a groan, last night’s makeup smudged all over her face. “What the fuck is this?” she asked, smelling the drink and pulling up her nose in disgust.</p><p>“An avocado beetroot smoothie. It works wonders for hangovers and is super healthy as well.”</p><p>Jana took a small sip and immediately started gagging. She sprinted to the kitchen, a hand covering her mouth to prevent her from throwing up in the middle of the living room.</p><p>“Jana! Stop throwing up in the sink! Is it really that hard to walk three steps further to the bathroom?” Zoë complained.</p><p>Apparently Jana wasn’t done throwing up yet, judging from the gagging sounds coming out of the kitchen.</p><p>“See, this is why I always make sure to throw up before I go to sleep,” said Moyo, taking a big bite from his sandwich.</p><p>Amber gave him a judgmental look, drinking up her smoothie like it didn’t have the color of death.</p><p>Robbe felt Sander’s eyes burning a whole in his side but he didn’t dare to look up. He was wondering how he was going go sit this out. It was already awkward now. How awkward would it be if they actually started dating? If they decided to keep it a secret, they would have to sneak around the house with ten other people watching them. That was doomed to failure. But if they decided to tell the rest from the start, everyone would be all up in their business. Or what if it didn’t work out and they still ran into each other in the bathroom every morning? It would be a mess.</p><p>“Did you see the new piece they sprayed on the walls of the bike parking at the academy? It’s really sick. Look,” said Sander, excitedly bounding on his chair and handing his phone to Noor. “I’m going to take a look on my way to the station. Want to tag along?”</p><p>“Only if my headache suddenly disappears,” Noor groaned, taking a small sip from her chamomile tea.</p><p>“Why are you so excited this morning?” Senne asked, eying Sander with suspicion. “Did you hook up with someone again last night?”</p><p>“Uh, no,” said Sander, awkwardly staring at the croissant in his hand. </p><p>Senne chuckled. “Well that’s a first.”</p><p>Robbe’s stomach dropped. He had come up with so many worst-case scenarios, but somehow he had failed to come up with the most obvious one. It was just a drunken make out session in the club. How could he have been so stupid to think it was something more? Senne’s words kept echoing around in his head.</p><p>
  <em>Well that’s a first that’s a first that’s a first.</em>
</p><p>He thought back on what Sander had said to him when he first pulled away after their kiss. He had said ‘I shouldn’t have’ before Robbe had interrupted him. Why did he interrupt him? Sander obviously wanted to make things clear before they would have another misunderstanding. Fuck. If he hadn’t shut him up last night, he wouldn’t have been under the impression that they could become something more. It was his own fault. </p><p>Zoë threw Senne an angry look.</p><p>“What? It’s true, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Uh, I don’t feel well either,” Robbe muttered, abruptly standing up and walking out of the room.</p><p>He locked himself in the bathroom, resting his arms on the sink. Why the fuck did he not take into consideration that it would play out like this? Hooking up with someone on a night out didn’t mean you would start dating that person. If that was the case, he would have dated a lot of people. It was just a random hook up, nothing more. Sander never told him he wanted to be more than friends. He couldn’t have known Robbe would expect that. He needed to calm down and get his shit together if he wanted to stay friends with Sander. But Robbe wasn’t good at acting chill if he didn’t feel like it. Maybe he could start by brushing his teeth. Baby steps.</p><p>There was a knock on the door.</p><p>He stopped brushing his teeth, trying to be as quiet as possible in the hope that the person on the other side of the door would give up and leave. It was probably Sander. He wasn’t ready to face him yet. </p><p>“It’s me,” said Zoë. “Can I come in?”</p><p>
  <em>Thank god. </em>
</p><p>Zoë he could handle. He unlocked the door and opened it, trying to look casual.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she asked.</p><p>“Yeah, just a bit nauseous because of my hangover,” he lied, spitting his toothpaste in the sink.</p><p>Zoë leaned against the shower wall. “Are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with Sander?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>How did everyone always know? He couldn’t let out a fart in this house without everyone knowing about it. He really needed to start being more discrete about his personal life.</p><p>“I saw you two last night,” she said, giving him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>Okay, that made sense. Maybe he shouldn’t have made out with Sander in the middle of the club if he didn’t want people to know. “It was just a stupid drunken kiss. It didn’t mean anything,” he shrugged.</p><p>“It didn’t look like it didn’t mean anything.”</p><p>“You heard Senne, right?” he groaned. “It’s what he does every weekend. I was probably just the easiest option.”</p><p>Zoë frowned. “I don’t believe that. He’s crazy about you, everyone sees that.”</p><p>“As a friend, maybe. We can’t be more than that. It would never work. We live together.”</p><p>“So do Senne and I. And we make it work,” she shrugged.</p><p>“You and Senne don’t have that much history,” he argued, wiping his mouth with a towel. “I’m going to the library. I need to think.”</p><p>He needed to get the fuck out of here before he would say something stupid. The library was the first place that came to mind. He didn’t really need to study but he could always work ahead and watch some Netflix when he was done. He quickly put on some clothes and ran out the door. When he was unlocking his bike he discovered he forgot his laptop but he didn’t go back inside, too afraid he would run into Sander.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Where are you?</p><p>Can we talk?</p><p>I can’t </p><p>I’m at the library</p><p>But it’s saturday?</p><p>I have a paper due tomorrow </p><p>Can I call you tonight?</p><p>I’m leaving for my parents in an hour</p><p>I’ll be back on monday</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 14:25</strong>
</p><p>Autumn was coming to an end. Most trees had lost their leaves and it had frozen for the first time last night. Robbe got off the tram, wearing his winter coat and a beanie. He walked down the street of his mother’s apartment building. He had another missed call from Sander. The third one. Sander had tried to call him twice last night. Robbe hadn’t intended on ignoring his calls. He had stood with his phone in his hands both times, ready to pick up and act as casual as he had rehearsed. Something like ‘No, don’t worry about it! I was just busy, sorry I didn’t text you back. We should probably not do it again though, in case things get messy. Our friendship means too much to me blah blah blah’. Something like that. But he didn’t have the courage to pick up the phone, afraid his voice would be unsteady and Sander would notice.</p><p>He had tried to talk to Jens about it but that didn’t exactly help. Sometimes Jens was too chill to calm him down. </p><p>Robbe arrived at his mother’s apartment building. He rang the doorbell and waited for her to buzz him in. Her psychiatrist said she was doing a lot better lately. Apparently the new medication was working. He wanted to believe things would get better from now on but he didn’t dare to have hope, afraid she would get another relapse. For now, he was just trying to be grateful for how things were going.</p><p>The lift arrived at his mother’s floor. He got out and walked down the hallway. His mom was already waiting for him in the door opening. “There’s my boy,” she laughed, wrapping him in a hug. </p><p>Robbe hugged her back, bending his legs to make himself smaller. He was taller than her now and he didn’t like it. His mom used to wrap him in hugs when he was little that would make him feel so safe and secure, like nothing could hurt him. Their hugs didn’t feel like that anymore. It felt more like he was protecting his mom now. He didn’t like that she was the one needing protection.</p><p>“I feel like you get bigger every time I see you,” she whispered against his hair.</p><p>He tilted his head. “I don’t think I’m growing anymore.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s the hair then,” she replied, ruffling through his messy curls. “Come in, I made croques.”</p><p>His mom’s apartment was small and cozy. Plants, paintings and books filled up every corner. The walls were covered with paintings and pictures of Robbe. Some furniture was from their old house, like the chairs around the dining table and the lamp next to the couch. A sharp nostalgic pain went through his chest if he looked at them for too long. They brought back memories of a time when he felt happy and safe. The furniture looked weird in this new surrounding that wasn’t his childhood home.</p><p>His mom came out of the kitchen with freshly made croques. They sat down at the table. His mom used to make him croques when he got home from school every day. He would cram them into his mouth, hungry after a long day, always burning his tong on the hot cheese.</p><p>Robbe took a small bite and put the croque down on his plate.</p><p>“You’re not hungry?” his mom asked, looking at his half eaten croque.</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Are you sick?”</p><p>“No,” he sighed. “Just a lot on my head.”</p><p>His mom furrowed her brows, looking worried. “Is college stressing you out? Or did your dad do something stupid again?”</p><p>Robbe didn’t talk about his problems with his mom. He felt like she had enough on her mind and he shouldn’t worry her with things he could handle by himself. That was also the reason why he had only come out to her last year. It wasn’t because he was afraid of her reaction. His mom had always been open-minded and accepting. He didn’t tell her because he was afraid she would worry too much about how less open-minded people would react to the fact that he was gay. But it had been a year since his coming out and it didn’t seem to make his mom more anxious than usual, so maybe he could share this with her as well. The situation with Sander was bothering him more than he expected. He needed to talk to someone who understood what Sander meant to him. </p><p>“Uh, no. Do you, uh, remember Sander from back in Berchem?”</p><p>“Of course I remember Sander.” </p><p>He fidgeted with the crumbs on his plate. “He’s one of my roommates.”</p><p>“I always knew he would come back,” she smiled. “How is he?”</p><p>His mom had always convinced him that Sander would come back one day, that it was only a matter of time. That thought had calmed him down as a kid. It was how his daydreaming about their epic reunion had started. But then he became a frustrated teenager that didn’t believe in fairytales like that anymore. He kind of forgot about Sander, only being reminded of him by certain things like movies or songs. Every time Robbe visited Antwerp when he was living at his dad’s, he tried to avoid Berchem as much as possible so he wouldn’t trigger any memories of Sander and the time when he still lived with his mom and dad in relative peace.</p><p>“Good. We, uh, didn’t really hit it off in the beginning. There were some misunderstandings.”</p><p>His mom frowned. “What kind of misunderstandings?”</p><p>“He left because they, uh, got kicked out of the house. His father had been unemployed for a while and didn’t tell them. They were really ashamed about it. Apparently Sander left me a letter about it and he thought I never responded,” he said, trying to read her reaction. Her expression told him she didn’t know anything about it. His mom was just as bad at lying as he was.</p><p>“Really?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Did he put it in our mailbox or anything?”</p><p>“No, in our hut. It wasn’t there when we got back. I think someone took it,” he replied, thinking about how he was going to formulate his next question. “Do you think dad might have taken it?”</p><p>“I mean, I don’t think so. He didn’t even know you had a hut. Did you ask him?”</p><p>“No,” Robbe sighed. “I hung up on him last time. He was being a dick again.”</p><p>“Maybe you should text him if it’s bothering you so much,” she suggested, grabbing his hand over the table. “At least you know then.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe I should,” he agreed. “But the letter isn’t what’s bothering me. Or like, not that much.”</p><p>“What is it then?”</p><p>
  <em>I’m afraid Sander sees me as one of his meaningless hookups.</em>
</p><p>He couldn’t say that. They never talked about stuff like that. He wasn’t comfortable talking about hookups with his mom. Besides, he didn’t want her to think less of Sander. But he also desperately needed someone to talk to who would understand.</p><p>“Honey, you can tell me,” she assured him, lightly squeezing his hand. “There isn’t much I find weird anymore.”</p><p>“Sander and I kissed on Friday,” he blurted out, carefully looking up to eye his mother’s reaction.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows, but didn’t look that surprised. In fact, she looked amused. “That’s wonderful.”</p><p>
  <em>You won’t think that when I’m done talking.</em>
</p><p>“No, it’s not. We have been getting really close again and then he, uh, kissed me when we were in the club. But apparently Sander kisses people all the time on nights out so it’s not like it meant anything to him,” he said, not being able to look his mother in the eye.</p><p>“Did he say that?”</p><p>“No, that’s what one of my roommates said who has been living with him for two years.”</p><p>“And what did Sander say?” she asked.</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him yet,” Robbe admitted, a guilty feeling creeping up on him again. “He’s at his parents now.”</p><p>“You should talk to him,” she encouraged him.</p><p>“But what if he doesn’t want to be more than friends?”</p><p>“Then at least you know where you stand and can move forward.”</p><p>Robbe sighed. She was right. Why was she always right?</p><p>His mom poured him some tea. “And in case the conversation goes better than expected, tell him I would love to be his mother in law,” she smirked.</p><p>“Mom!” Robbe cried out in surprise. “I just told you he’s a player! What kind of standards do you have?”</p><p>“Someone isn’t a player if they kissed a few people in the club, Robbe,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Then I would be a player as well.”</p><p>Robbe buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god, I’m never having these conversations with you ever again.”</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Dad</span> </strong>
</p><p>Did you ever find a letter that Sander wrote me before he left?</p><p>Which Sander?</p><p>Nevermind</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 16:32</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was sitting behind the front desk at the library, checking in the books that had been returned. There was a line of impatient students waiting for him to hurry up. Usually he could withstand the pressure, but not today. He hadn’t slept well.</p><p>A white mop of hair appeared in the corner of his eyes. Robbe had been thinking about Sander so much that he wouldn’t be surprised if he had started seeing him everywhere. He looked up. It really was Sander. What the hell was he doing here? He hadn’t expected him to come back until tonight. His plan had been to stay at the library till closing time, in the hope that Sander would have gone to sleep when he got home. That would have given him at least another day to collect his chill. Not that ignoring him for three days after they kissed would come across as chill. His chill was nowhere to be found.</p><p>Sander got in line, looking down at his phone with furrowed brows.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck fuck fuck.</em>
</p><p>“Eh, excuse me,” Robbe mumbled at the girl standing in front of the desk. He quickly got up, fleeing to the storage room where Yasmina was standing next to the copy machine, sorting out a pile of forms.</p><p>“Can we switch?” he begged, hiding behind a bookshelf so Sander wouldn’t be able to see him.</p><p>Yasmina turned around. “Is that annoying guy asking about the new edition of the Oxford dictionary again?” she groaned.</p><p>“No, I just need to stretch my legs for a bit,” he lied.</p><p>“Okay, sure. Can you finish these?” she said, handing him the pile of forms that needed to be duplicated.</p><p>“Yeah, no problem,” he said, scanning through the forms and walking over to the copy machine. “Thanks.”</p><p>Yasmina studied his face. “Is everything alright? You look a bit pale.”</p><p>“I’m fine. I just stared at the computer screen for too long.”</p><p>“Okay,” she replied, not really convinced but leaving him to it.</p><p>Robbe got to work, relieved that he was able to postpone his encounter with Sander. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. Robbe usually didn’t work on Mondays so he tried to convince himself that Sander wasn’t here to see him. He could be here to borrow a book. Or maybe he was meeting up with Adi.</p><p>“Robbe?” said Yasmina, poking her head around the corner. “Sander is here to see you.”</p><p>
  <em>Well fuck.</em>
</p><p>So much for trying to fool himself. He should have known Sander was here to see him and wouldn’t just give up if Robbe wasn’t sat behind the desk. He looked at the window above the copy machine. Would it really be that weird if he climbed through that?</p><p>“Can you tell him I’m busy?”</p><p>She furrowed her brows. “Is he acting like a dick again?” </p><p>
  <em>No but I am.</em>
</p><p>“Uh, no I just don’t want-“ </p><p>Sander appeared behind Yasmina. She turned around, raising her eyebrows at him. “I know you’re all about bending the rules and stuff but you’re not allowed to be behind here.”</p><p>“I need to talk to Robbe,” he said with a serious look on his face, trying to walk past her.</p><p>Yasmina blocked the doorway, folding her arms. “He doesn’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what you did but it can’t be good. Wasn’t my lecture clear enough last time? Do I need to start making threats?”</p><p>“Robbe, please,” Sander begged, ignoring Yasmina and staring at him over her shoulder.</p><p>Robbe sighed. No matter how scared he was of confrontation, he couldn’t say no to Sander’s puppy eyes. “It’s okay,” he assured Yasmina. </p><p>She stepped aside, looking at Sander with piercing eyes. “Give me a shout if you need me to kick him out,” she said before heading back to the front desk.</p><p>Robbe leaned back against the copy machine, staring at his feet. He wished he could turn back time and not have acted so dramatic. Why was he being so dramatic about this? He spent nine years without Sander but somehow he was more upset about being one of his flings.</p><p>Sander walked up to him. “Robbe, what is going on? Please tell me what I did wrong. Shouldn’t I have kissed you? We can forget about it if you want, no big deal.”</p><p>“No big deal?” he scoffed. “It is a big deal, Sander.”</p><p>“I know,” said Sander, his voice way calmer than Robbe’s. “We should have talked about it right away but I thought you wanted it too.”</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“Okay, what is the problem then?”</p><p>“The problem is that I don’t want to be one of your weekly hookups,” Robbe blurted out, screwing up his plan to act nonchalant. Great.</p><p>Sander frowned. “What are you- Is this about what Senne said at breakfast?”</p><p>“Yes,” he admitted. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine if you want to sleep around, we’re in college after all. But I’m not like that and I can’t do that. Especially not with you. I would rather just be friends then.”</p><p>“I don’t sleep around.”</p><p>“But Senne said-“</p><p>“I like to kiss people at parties occasionally, yes, but I rarely take them home. I don’t want us to hook up either. That was never my intention. I want to be your friend and hold your hand and kiss you, if you want me to. But only if you want me to.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>“Okay,” said Robbe, letting out a relieved sigh. He couldn’t believe he had been stressing about this for days and Sander managed to ease his worries with just a few words. He made everything seem so simple. “I’m sorry for being so dramatic,” he mumbled, biting his lip.</p><p>“I’m glad it wasn’t me for a change,” Sander grinned.</p><p>“Can I, uh, take you up on that offer now?” he asked, a blush appearing on his cheeks. Ever since he found out what it was like to kiss Sander, he had wanted to do it again. He had pushed all of those feelings away, afraid that Sander would hurt him. But now that they had cleared that up, he couldn’t wait any longer. </p><p>“Which offer?” Sander teased, acting like he didn’t know what Robbe was talking about.</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “This one,” he said, cupping his cheeks and pulling him closer.</p><p>“Oh, this one,” Sander grinned against his lips, wrapping his arms around his waist. He pulled away when Robbe was just getting into it, tilting his head back to look at Robbe’s face. “Would it have bothered you if I slept with a lot of people?”</p><p>“No,” said Robbe. “But it would have made me insecure. I don’t really have a lot of experience in that department.”</p><p>“Nothing to be insecure about. Other people don’t have a picture of themselves hanging above my bed,” Sander smiled, leaning in again.</p><p>“Are you guys done arg- Oh!” Yasmina stared at them with bulging eyes, surprised by the scene in front of her.</p><p>Robbe let go of Sander’s face, trying to suppress a grin. “Yeah, we’re done.” He looked at Sander. “Let’s talk later okay? My shift is done in an hour.”</p><p>Sander nodded. “I’ll wait,” he said, giving him a small peck on the lips. When he crossed Yasmina, Sander couldn’t help but comment on their earlier encounter. “No need to start making threats,” he chuckled.</p><p>Robbe followed Yasmina to the front desk. “Thank you for covering for me. Can we, uh, keep this between us for now?”</p><p>Yasmina smiled. “Of course. Jana probably wouldn’t even believe me if I told her.”</p><p>Robbe tried to get back to work. It was busy in the library. A lot of students needed his help but Robbe couldn’t focus. Sander kept staring at him with this intense gaze from his spot near the windows. Robbe tried his best to listen to the students in front of him but his eyes kept shooting back to Sander like magnets.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Stop looking at me like that</p><p>Sorry😏</p><p>Should i leave?</p><p>No</p><p>Bathroom</p><p>Second floor</p><p>17:30</p><p>🥵🔥👅💯🍗😏?</p><p>Dont know what the chicken leg has to do with it but sure</p><hr/><p>Robbe was waiting for Sander inside one of the bathroom stalls. A little over an hour ago he had been afraid things would become too weird between them to continue their friendship and now he had invited him to a make out session in a public bathroom. He really went from one extreme to the other. At exactly 17:30, he heard a door open.</p><p>“Fuck, this is so hot,” Sander whispered, walking into the bathroom. “Oh god, please don’t tell me there is someone else in here,” he added when Robbe didn’t reply.</p><p>Robbe held his breath, trying to be as quiet as possible. It felt like they were playing hide and seek again. A small giggle escaped his lips.</p><p>“I can hear you giggling,” said Sander, who began swinging open the bathroom stalls one by one. When he opened Robbe’s stall, he looked up surprised. </p><p>Robbe was sitting on the toilet lit, his legs crossed like he was in a business meeting. “Did you bring a notebook?” he asked with a straight face.</p><p>“What?” said Sander. Robbe had never seen him look this confused.</p><p>“We need to set up some ground rules. Better get it over with now. Do you have a pen?”</p><p>“Oh, right. Of course. Uh, let me check,” said Sander. He started rummaging through his bag. “Do you, uh, need me to close the door?” </p><p>Robbe couldn’t keep up his straight face any longer. He barked out a laugh. “I’m kidding,” he giggled, standing up from the toilet seat and giving Sander a kiss. “Did you really think I send you those texts to go over some rules?”</p><p>Sander let out a relieved laugh. “No, not at first but you really got me confused there.”</p><p>“Good. Got to keep you on edge,” said Robbe, crashing his mouth against Sander’s.  </p><p>They made out against the stall. It was as hot as Robbe had hoped it would be. They kept stepping on each other’s toes and Sander’s bag was uncomfortably pocking into his side but it didn’t matter. All he could think about was Sander’s body against his. His mind was so full of Sander that he didn’t even care about how many bacteria were sticking on every surface.</p><p>Sander pulled away, panting heavily. “Can we do this more often? You can also come to my school. I have an art studio where no one will bother us.”</p><p>“The art studio’s you made up?” Robbe grinned.</p><p>“I didn’t make them up! They do exist. They’re just closed during the holidays,” Sander explained, looking at him with big convincing eyes.</p><p>“I know, I know. I was just teasing you,” he said, kissing a trail down Sander’s neck. </p><p>They continued their make out session until students started walking into the bathroom after a lecture had finished. When the coast was clear, they stumbled out of the stall, cheeks pink with excitement.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 19:45</strong>
</p><p>“I feel like I have make sure no one sees me walking in here,” Sander whispered, closing Robbe’s bedroom door.</p><p>“It’s not weird you’re hanging out in my room,” Robbe argued. “We did that before as well.”</p><p>“I know, but I’m afraid they’ll be able read it all over my face,” he said, sitting down on Robbe’s bed.</p><p>They talked about it on their way home yesterday, agreeing that they would just see how things would pan out and really try to communicate this time. Robbe had suggested to not tell their roommates just yet to prevent them from rushing into it. Sander didn’t care who knew but agreed to it. </p><p>Robbe had been so afraid of things getting awkward between them, but that wasn’t the case at all. Their dynamic was still the same, the only difference being that they now also liked to suck each other’s face. In conclusion, he really needed to stop coming up with worst-case scenarios about everything.</p><p>“We don’t have to keep it a secret forever. Just a little longer until we have figured out what this is. You can tell Noor if you want. I’m assuming you already told Adi.”</p><p>“I did,” Sander chuckled.</p><p>“Let me guess, did he cry?”</p><p>“No but he was almost more excited than I am, which is a lot.”</p><p>Robbe laughed, picturing Adi jumping up and down with excitement when Sander told him. Adi really was their biggest cheerleader. Robbe imagined he would give an epic wedding speech if they ever decided to get married. Not that he had been fantasizing about things like that. It was just hypothetical. Nothing wrong with a bit of hypothetical thinking.</p><p>“Did you tell anyone?” Sander asked.</p><p>“No, but Yasmina obviously knows and Zoë saw us kissing in the club. They promised not to tell anyone,” he convinced him. “Oh no wait, I did tell my mom.”</p><p>“You did?” Sander asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.</p><p>“Yeah. I was freaking out about what Senne said and I felt like she was the only one who understands what you mean to me,” he explained, a light blush appearing on his cheeks.</p><p>Sander scrunched his nose in concern. “What did she say? Does she hate me now?”</p><p>“She said to tell you that she would love to be your mother in law,” he grinned. He made a mental note to tell his mom about him and Sander. He could already imagine the grin on her face when he would tell her she was right.</p><p>“Really?” Sander gasped. “God, I love your mom. Can I come with you sometime if you go visit her? I would love to see her again.”</p><p>“Uh, sure,” said Robbe, wondering how he was going to explain her living situation to Sander without telling him what happened. He didn’t want Sander to look at his mom differently. But they were also at a point where he should probably tell him stuff like this. He would think about it.</p><p>Sander’s phone rang. He looked at the screen and picked up. “Salut mec! Ça va? Je suis venu chez toi samedi mais ta mère a dit que tu étais absent pour le week-end. Nous continuons à nous manquer.”</p><p>Robbe’s jaw dropped. A fluttering feeling filled up his chest. He had never heard Sander speak French. It really turned him on, how pathetic that might be. Sander’s husky voice sounded even better in French, making all the blood in his body go down to his crotch.</p><p>"Vraiment? Cool. Je vous verrai ensuite,” Sander continued, oblivious to what he was doing with Robbe’s body.</p><p>Robbe’s face flushed, his pants starting to feel uncomfortably tight down there. Jesus Christ, he needed to get a grip before he would pop a full on boner. It was just some French speaking. His arousal shouldn’t be affected by a fucking language. He tried to concentrate on what Sander was saying, hoping that it would wind him down. The problem was he barely spoke three words of French, only making out words like samedi, mère and week-end. </p><p>“N'oubliez pas d'acheter un billet comme la dernière fois," Sander laughed, hanging up the phone.</p><p>“Fuck, that was hot,” he blurted out, immediately climbing onto Sander’s lap and crashing their mouths together. </p><p>Sander made a surprised noise, taken aback by Robbe’s sudden move and needing a moment to get on his level. Robbe was desperate to get him closer, wrapping his legs around Sander’s waist. Sander leaned forward, digging his fingers into Robbe’s back. Their kisses started out sweet but quickly turned wet and full of tong. French speaking, french kissing, it was basically mandatory. </p><p>“Is me speaking French turning you on?” Sander grinned in between kisses. “Are you really that cliché?”</p><p>“Yes. Yes I am. Now shut up and kiss me,” he demanded, cupping Sander’s face.</p><p>They rejoined their lips, continuing where they left of. Robbe wrapped his hands around Sander’s bleached locks, slightly tugging at the strands and pressing their bodies even closer. He couldn’t get enough. Sander let go of his mouth and started leaving a trail of sloppy kisses up his jaw.</p><p>“Do I also need to shut up if I continued in French?” he whispered into his ear.</p><p>A shiver went down Robbe’s spine. The mere thought of Sander dirty talking in French left him breathless. He shook his head, cheeks flushed.</p><p>Sander lightly sucked on his earlobe. “Omelette du fromage,” he whispered in a sultry voice.</p><p>“You are such a fucking dick,” Robbe whined, pushing himself off against Sander’s chest.</p><p>Sander burst out into laughter, wiping the tears from his eyes. The moment was ruined.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 19:06</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I’m not talking to you anymore</p><p>But I brought pizza🥺</p><p>I’m not talking to you anymore after we’ve had pizza</p><p>Seems fair</p><p>Can you open the door?</p><p>Coming</p><p>Merci mon amour</p><p>😒😒</p><hr/><p>Robbe was nibbling on a pizza crust, lost in his own thoughts. He had a day off, free from work and classes, which had given him too much time to think. The fact that him and Sander went from best friends to arch enemies to friends to lovers in the span of a few weeks triggered his anxiety. It made him doubt everything again. He was scared that Sander wasn’t on the same level as he was. Sander had assured him that he wasn’t a hookup to him, but that didn’t mean he was as gone for him as Robbe was for Sander. It felt like this bucket of feelings had been let loose inside Robbe’s body when Sander had kissed him for the first time. He was smitten. Last night he couldn’t even fall asleep because he kept thinking about Sander’s lips.</p><p>“You’re quiet today,” said Sander, interrupting his train of thoughts. </p><p>He shrugged. “Just tired.” </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>A tiny voice inside his head yelled at him to cut the crap. The voice was right. If he ever wanted this to work out, he had to start communicating with Sander. “No, actually, uh, we have- I have a problem.”</p><p>Sander frowned, putting down his slice of pizza. “What kind of problem?”</p><p>Robbe took a deep breath. He needed to grow up and be able to talk about his feelings. “I like you,” he said with a serious look on his face. </p><p>Sander gave him a soft smile. “I like you too.” He waited for Robbe to continue, but Robbe only bit his lip in concern. “Wait, that’s your problem?” he laughed.</p><p>“It’s not funny,” said Robbe all frustrated. “It <em>is</em> a problem. I like you too much.”</p><p>“What do you mean too much?”</p><p>“Don’t make me say it.”</p><p>“Say what?” Sander asked, shaking his head in confusion. “You have to be more specific here.”</p><p>Robbe groaned. “I’m in love with you okay? There, I said it. I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s ridiculous.”</p><p>Sander’s face lit up. He scooted over on the bed, trying to embrace him.</p><p>Robbe pushed him away. “No, let me finish. You don’t understand how much I like you. I can’t think clear when you’re around.”</p><p>“Do you want me to give you some space?” Sander asked, leaning back a bit.</p><p>“No! It’s even worse when you’re not around. You’re in my head literally all the time. That’s not healthy right? And like, I feel too much. There are too many feelings. I don’t know what to do with them,” he said, frustratingly waving his hands.</p><p>“Robbe, I understand. I feel it too.”</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“I’m just as in love with you as you are with me,” said Sander, scooting closer again and grabbing his hand. “You know that right?”</p><p>“You are? You’re in love with me?” he asked, eyes big with surprise.</p><p>“Of course I’m in love with, you idiot,” Sander grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever <em>not</em> been in love with you. Did you think you were just some casual fling to me?”</p><p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p><p>“Wow. But like, how do you not get overwhelmed by all of the feelings?” said Robbe, staring down at their intertwined hands.</p><p>“I do. That’s why I draw so much. I try to get them out on paper. Maybe you should find something that helps you vent those feelings. It doesn’t have to be something artsy. It also helps to write it down or talk to someone. At least, that’s what works for me if I get overwhelmed. But we can always kiss it out if you want,” Sander smirked.</p><p>Robbe smiled. “Thanks, I will take you up on that offer.”</p><p>“Anything else on your mind?” Sander asked, lightly rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.</p><p>Robbe thought for a second. “How do we call this thing? Are we like, dating?”</p><p>“I don’t think we can date.”</p><p>
  <em>Ouch.</em>
</p><p>Sander noticed how Robbe’s face dropped. “No! I didn’t mean it like that. I know I have been an asshole to you but you have to start believing me when I say I’m in love with you too. I only meant that I feel like dating is for people who just met and are trying to figure out if they like each other. You and I jumped past that phase right into the dramatic soulmates-who-were-torn-apart-only-to-find-each-other-again phase.”</p><p>“You think we are soulmates?” said Robbe, looking stunned.</p><p>“Uh, no. I just meant we never had a casual, uh- like remember how I always said we were going to get married when we were little and then we like dramatically lost track of each other and-“ Sander rambled in a desperate attempt to brush over his confession.</p><p>“You think we are soulmates,” he grinned.</p><p>“Yes,” Sander groaned, his face flushed. “I do, okay? There, I admit it. I know it’s way too soon to say something like that but fuck it. Yolo, right?”</p><p>Robbe barked out a laugh. “Yolo? Really Sander? Are you okay?” he asked, putting a hand against Sander’s forehead like he was checking his temperature.</p><p>“Shut up,” he pouted, swatting away Robbe’s hand.</p><p>“I can’t wait to tell everyone you said yolo unironically,” Robbe giggled, crawling up to Sander and resting his head in the crook of his neck. </p><p>“What’s this?” Sander asked, combing through his hair. “I thought you weren’t much of a hugger?”</p><p>“That was when I thought we were just friends. Now I want my cuddles. You’re going to be shocked by how much cuddles I need.”</p><p>Oh my god, I’m in heaven,” Sander beamed, squishing Robbe’s cheeks between his hands and leaving tiny kisses all over his face.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Mama</span> </strong>
</p><p>I talked to Sander like you said</p><p>And?</p><p>I think you have a son in law</p><p>He wants to come over for dinner soon</p><p>I’m so happy for you honey</p><p>Does he still like spaghetti bolognese?</p><p>Yes</p><p>I’ll let you know when we’re coming</p><p>😘</p><p>❤️</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 14:50</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was working an extra shift at the library. December was coming up, which was always an expensive month with Christmas and all, but it was also his mom’s birthday month. He had been saving up money to take her to a modern dance performance she had been raving about for weeks. The tickets were expensive so he was taking as much shifts as his schedule would allow.</p><p>It was busier than usual in the library. Every study corner was occupied. Students had been waiting outside at eight o’clock to secure a seat, like tourists claiming a sunbed at the pool.</p><p>Yasmina walked up to him, followed by a lanky, nervous looking guy. “Robbe, this is Jesse, our new coworker.”</p><p>The guy gave him a weak and sweaty handshake. “Nice to meet you,” Robbe said, discretely wiping his hand on his trousers. He looked familiar but Robbe couldn’t place him. </p><p>“Can you show Jesse how the computer programs work and stuff?” Yasmina asked. “I need to sort out the storage room.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure. No problem.”</p><p>Robbe grabbed an extra chair for him to sit on. The guy sat down, staring at the computer screen. He didn’t seem to be much of a talker. Robbe wasn’t good at talking to people who didn’t make an effort. </p><p>“I’m sorry, do I know you from somewhere? You look really familiar. Did we meet at intro week or something?” he asked, in an attempt to start a conversation.</p><p>“Uh, no. I used to live down your street,” the guy said quietly.</p><p>“Holy shit! Seppe!” Robbe called out. He finally made the connection. </p><p>When he still lived in Berchem, Seppe used to ring their doorbell from time to time asking if Robbe was home. He never understood why Seppe wanted to hang out with him because they didn’t have much in common. Unlike Robbe, Seppe liked horseback riding and playing tennis. He came from a wealthy conservative family, which you could tell from the way he dressed. Always wearing a neatly ironed buttoned up shirt, no matter what the occasion was. But them not coming from the same background or having different interests wasn’t Robbe’s biggest problem with Seppe. His biggest problem was that Seppe didn’t like Sander. He never wanted to hang out when Sander was around and always wined about him behind his back, making jokes about Sander’s messy hair and the fact that Lize didn’t wear ‘girly’ clothes. After Sander had moved away, Seppe started to turn up at his doorstep even more. Robbe wasn’t in the mood to hang out with him so he would usually ask his mom to tell Seppe he was busy. He should have told him the truth but he had never been good at confrontation. About a year later Seppe left for boarding school and he never heard from him again.</p><p>“Jesse.”</p><p>“What?” said Robbe, snapping out of his thoughts.</p><p>“My name is Jesse, not Seppe,” he explained.</p><p>“Oh. Did you change you’re name or something?”</p><p>“No, it has always been Jesse,” he said, awkwardly fumbling with his pen.</p><p>Robbe frowned. “Really? Why did we call you Seppe then?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>Robbe didn’t know what to say to that. He had always been under the impression that Seppe was called Seppe and now he was sitting here telling him his name was Jesse. What the fuck was that? Was his whole childhood a lie?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>So you didn’t use those instagram pictures for memes huh?</p><p>Going through my stuff huh?</p><p>No!</p><p>I left my charger in your room and it was laying open on your desk like that</p><p>I’m sorry i shouldn’t have looked</p><p>It’s okay </p><p>You have portrait right </p><p>I like seeing myself through your eyes</p><p>❤️❤️</p><p>Also</p><p>No need to stalk my instagram anymore</p><p>You can just ask me now</p><p>Are you saying you wanna be one of my french girls😏</p><p>See now you’re taking things too far</p><p>I’m not getting my tits out for one of your drawings</p><p>Yet</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 18:55</strong>
</p><p>Robbe came home after another long day on campus. He plopped down on the couch, closing his eyes. There was food in the fridge but he was too exhausted to prepare it. He would just rest his eyes for a bit. Maybe he would have energy to cook diner after a nap.</p><p>He abruptly awoke when someone called his name. He tilted his head to see who was talking to him. Keisha was looking at him from the kitchen. </p><p>“Zoë and I made burritos. Do you want one?”</p><p>“Yes please,” he said, jumping up from the couch and making his way over to the dining table. One of the benefits of having eleven roommates was that there was always someone cooking dinner and they would share if you were lucky.</p><p>Keisha put a pile of freshly made burritos in front of him.</p><p>“I love you,” he mumbled, taking a big bite. </p><p>“You’re welcome,” she grinned.</p><p>Zoe came out of the kitchen with a water can and a bowl of tortilla chips, sitting down next to him.</p><p>“We also bought salsa right?” Keisha asked.</p><p>“Oh, I forgot! It’s in the fridge,” said Zoë.</p><p>“I’ll get it,” said Keisha, standing up from the table and walking over to the kitchen.</p><p>“Have you talked to Sander yet?” Zoë whispered. </p><p>Robbe nodded with a full mouth.</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>He swallowed, opening his mouth to answer but Keisha already returned from the kitchen.</p><p>Zoë shook her head with raised eyebrows, silently asking if it didn’t go well.</p><p>He nodded, giving her a small grin. </p><p>“Really?” she blurted out, an excited smile on her face. </p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. None of his roommates were discrete, but he didn’t mind this time. Keisha was allowed to know. She wasn’t much of a gossiper.</p><p>“Yeah, we haven’t made it official yet but we’re good,” he said. </p><p>“Oh my god!” Zoë cheered. “This so exciting.”</p><p>“Congrats,” Keisha smiled.</p><p>Zoë turned her head, giving Keisha a confused look. “You knew?”</p><p>“No, not really but I heard Jana and Luca gossip about how much time you two were spending together so I’m not surprised,” she explained, putting salsa on her burrito.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t do gossip?” he said.</p><p>“I don’t,” she said. “But I can’t exactly walk around the house with noise canceling headphones all the time.”</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Want to watch a movie later?</p><p>Depends</p><p>On what?</p><p>If I need to bring tissues or not</p><p>Shut up robin i don’t cry during movies anymore</p><p>U sure?</p><p>You know, it’s very normal for kids to cry during sad movies</p><p>I can’t help it you’re so cold-hearted</p><p>Pretty sure most 12 year olds don’t cry while watching hsm 2 tho</p><p>THAT WAS ONE TIME</p><p>It’s okay</p><p>Your secret is save with me😘</p><p>Don’t forget i know some juicy deets about you too ijzermans</p><p>Is that a thread?</p><p>
  
</p><p>My room at 8?</p><p>I’ll be there wildcat</p><p>Haha shut up🦁❤️</p><p>❤️</p><hr/><p>“Oh my god, I forgot to tell you!” said Robbe, sitting down on Sander’s bed. Sander had already set up his laptop for their movie night. “Guess who my new coworker is.”</p><p>“Well, definitely not Adi cause Yasmina already rejected him twice,” Sander grinned.</p><p>He raised his eyebrows. “Twice? Wow, she really is relentless. No but guess.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sander shrugged. “Is it one of our roommates?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then it could be any anybody,” Sander sighed. “Do you want me to name all of our mutual acquaintances?”</p><p>“Only the ones that wanted to have their own horse ranch when they grew up,” said Robbe, hoping Sander would get the hint.</p><p>“Seppe?” Sander guessed.</p><p>“Seppe! But hear this, his actual name is Jesse,” he said, raising his hands.</p><p>“I know,” he replied, not looking shocked like Robbe had expected him to.</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Yeah, I just called him Seppe because I thought he looked more like a Seppe,” Sander explained.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell.</em>
</p><p>Robbe thought back on all the times he had called him Seppe to his face. Why had he never corrected him? It must have looked like Robbe was making fun of him.</p><p>“And you just let me call the guy Seppe for years?”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “I thought you did it as a joke.”</p><p>“Fuck.” He was going to have a lot of awkward shifts with Seppe at the library. Or Jesse. Whatever the dude’s name was.</p><p>Sander got up and started rummaging through one of his drawers.</p><p>“What movie are we watching?” he asked, wondering which pretentious art house movie Sander was going to shove down his throat.</p><p>“I thought we could make a little trip down memory lane,” he said, handing him a DVD.</p><p>“Step Up 3D?” Robbe chuckled, pleasantly surprised by Sander’s choice.</p><p>“Without the 3D so you won’t get nauseous again,” said Sander, plopping down next to him on the bed.</p><p>They had seen the movie in theaters when it came out. Sander’s parents had dropped them off. They had felt pretty grown up, going to the movies all by themselves. Sander had been so excited about the 3D aspect that he walked around with the 3D glasses on his head before the movie had even started, claiming that everything looked better with them. Robbe had expected for it to be some futuristic experience like Back to the Future, so he was disappointed when the 3D glasses only added a little depth and he couldn’t read the subtitles because they kept flickering.</p><p>Robbe made himself comfortable against Sander’s chest, smiling at the memory of the last time they had watched this movie together. He could get used to nights like this.</p><p>-</p><p>He woke up with the pattern of Sander’s sweater printed on his cheek. He sat back up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What time is it?”</p><p>“Half past ten,” Sander replied, putting away his phone. “You missed the epic final dance battle.”</p><p>“Sorry, I can’t seem to keep my eyes open during movies lately,” Robbe yawned. He looked around the room. He needed to leave to his own room at some point if they wanted to keep their promise of taking things slow. “Uh, I should probably go.”</p><p>“No stay,” Sander wined, pulling him back at his hoodie, letting go when he noticed Robbe was hesitating. “Sorry, I don’t want make this weird.”</p><p>These were the kind of situations Robbe had been afraid of. They felt different than he had expected, though. It wasn’t awkward. It was uncomfortable because he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to cuddle with Sander all night instead of crawling into his own cold bed. But that wasn’t smart. They needed to take things slow. It was the reasonable decision. He just needed to suck it up and sleep by himself, even though he didn’t feel like it.</p><p>“It’s already weird.”</p><p>“I know,” said Sander, scrunching his nose.</p><p>Robbe leaned down to give him a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight.”</p><p>-</p><p>Just when he had made himself comfortable in his bed, his door flung open.</p><p>
  <em>What the h-</em>
</p><p>“I was thinking, since I uh- since it’s already weird, I thought maybe we might as well sleep together. In the same bed, I mean. Not <em>sleep</em> sleep together, just- no nevermind. Just pretend this didn’t happen,” Sander stammered, turning around and then back again. “I’m really screwing this up aren’t I? Fuck. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Sander, wait!” Robbe called. His willpower wasn’t that strong. If Sander offered to sleep in his bed, he wasn’t going to decline. </p><p>Sander came back, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and looking at him with big questioning eyes.</p><p>“You can sleep here,” he said, lifting his duvet and patting on the mattress.</p><p>Sander immediately accepted the offer, crawling into the bed next to him. He shuffled closer so his back was glued against Robbe, making him the little spoon. He grabbed Robbe’s arm and pulled it up to his chest, wrapping himself in Robbe’s embrace. “I feel like my whole facade is crumbling down,” he mumbled.</p><p>“Is it a facade?”</p><p>“Yes and no,” said Sander, turning his head so Robbe could hear him better. “I genuinely like the bleached hair but I also did it to convince myself I can be brave.”</p><p>“You don’t think you’re brave?”</p><p>“No, not like you.”</p><p>“I’m not brave,” Robbe scoffed. “I had a panic attack because I forgot to upload a paper on time, remember?”</p><p>“Yes, but you also let me help you. You stand up for yourself if people are treating you badly. And you don’t pretend to be anyone else. I have never met someone who is so unapologetically themselves as you are. I wish I could be more like that.”</p><p>Robbe sat up on his elbow. “Sander, you’re brave too. Just because you like to wear clothes that give you a little extra courage doesn’t mean you’re not brave. It was really brave of you to open up to me. That must have taken a lot of courage. And if you hadn’t dared to kiss me we wouldn’t be here right now. Don’t put yourself down like that,” he said, planting a kiss on his shoulder.</p><p>“My psychologist would like you,” said Sander, pulling Robbe’s hand up to his face.  </p><p>He wanted to ask why Sander was seeing a psychologist but he didn’t want to make it seem like it was a big deal to him. He trusted Sander to tell him if he wanted to.</p><p>“Robbe?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Do you think we could maybe keep this between us? I feel like the rest is going to drag out the whole facade thing if they hear about it.”</p><p>“Of course,” he reassured him. “But I think they already know you’re secretly a dork.”</p><p>“Shit,” Sander chuckled.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was my favorite chapter to write so far💛💛</p><p>I wanted to include a recent instagram picture of robbe in the drawing but apparently willem the iv still doesn't want to bless us with one🥲</p><p>Next chapter will take a little longer because i have exams next week and i'm a bit nervous about some of the upcoming storylines😬  so i'm sorry if i won't upload as fast but it is coming!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. But It's All Better Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 08:22</strong>
</p><p>Sander was peacefully sleeping beside him, his face squished into Robbe’s pillow and his mouth hanging open a bit. He looked younger like this. </p><p>Robbe hadn’t really slept much. He wasn’t used to having someone sleep next to him in his tiny bed. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed sleeping next to Sander. He loved being close to him like that, feeling Sander’s steady breathing against his skin. He had dosed off a few times, waking up still safely wrapped in his arms. It didn't even matter that Sander felt like a human heater. Nothing a thinner duvet couldn’t fix.</p><p>Sander had woken up about an hour ago, carefully shuffling out of the bed not to wake him up. Robbe had assumed he needed to pee, but when he didn’t hear the toilet flush, he got worried Sander wasn’t planning on coming back. His worries got eased a few minutes later when his bedroom door opened again and Sander snuck back into the bed next to him, immediately falling back to sleep.</p><p>Robbe carefully brushed his finger over Sander’s eyebrow, not being able to control the urge to touch him. He thought Sander didn’t notice because he was still breathing slowly, but a small grin appeared on his lips.</p><p>“Careful, I haven’t gotten them insured yet,” Sander joked in a hoarse morning voice, referring to the Saturday a couple of weeks ago when Robbe made fun of his looks in an attempt to get even. They had come a long way since then.</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “I liked you better when you were still asleep.”</p><p>“Liar,” said Sander, stretching his arms and wrapping them around Robbe’s waist. “I’m never sleeping in my own bed again,” he mumbled against the crook of Robbe’s neck, followed by a content sigh.</p><p>“I need to buy a bigger bed then.”</p><p>“No, I like it like this,” Sander whined, hugging him closer. “It’s cozy.”</p><p>“My numb arm doesn’t think so,” Robbe objected.</p><p>“Interesting. Your dick seems to be telling a different story.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.</em>
</p><p>He had been so mesmerized by Sander’s beauty that he had forgotten about the boner he had been popping since he woke up. This was so embarrassing. He had been convincing Sander to take things slow and now he was giving him mixed signals like this. Why couldn’t his mind and body agree on stuff like this? He should really have a serious talk with his dick when they were alone again.</p><p>Sander started softly nibbling on his neck. “Want some help with that?”</p><p>“Eh, no thanks. That doesn’t really, uh- that wouldn’t be taking it slow, right?” Robbe stammered, already hot all over.</p><p>“Fuck taking things slow,” said Sander. “I mean, unless you want to of course,” he added, leaning back and taking his hands away to give him some space. </p><p>Robbe’s heart swelled at how considerate Sander was being with him. He always respected his wishes, never crossing a line. Sometimes Robbe felt like he didn’t deserve him. But his body was screaming for Sander to continue what he was doing and take care of the uncomfortable situation in his pants. Still, he didn’t want to rush into it. Taking things slow was always better than going fast, right? But he didn’t want to take things slow. He wanted Sander now. Jens had said that he should stop denying himself good things. Maybe this was one of those things.</p><p>“I don’t,” Robbe sighed. “But there’s this voice inside my head that keeps telling me I should and it’s stressing me out.”</p><p>“We don’t have to do anything. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” said Sander, folding his arm on the pillow to rest his head on.</p><p>“No, I want to. I do. It’s just my anxiety messing with my head,” he explained, rubbing his face. His cheeks were burning hot. He prayed they didn’t look as red as they felt.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Sander crawled closer towards him, still resting his head on his arm. He reached out his other hand and slowly began drawing patterns on Robbe’s bare chest. Robbe skin started tingling at all the spots Sander had traced with his finger. His heart was beating like an idiot. He held his breath in anticipation. If this was already his reaction to Sander’s finger running over his chest, what would happen if he would touch him down there? Robbe was pretty sure he was going to faint.</p><p>Sander frowned, putting his hand flat on Robbe’s chest. “Are you holding you breath?”</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, exhaling the air he had been holding. “I got a little too excited.”</p><p>“You’re so cute,” Sander chuckled. He had this fond look on his face like Robbe was the most precious thing he had ever seen. </p><p>He titled his head to be able to reach Robbe’s mouth. As they exchanged soft and lingering kisses, Sander continued drawing patterns on his chest. His finger slowly traveled down to his stomach.</p><p>The suspense was making Robbe’s head spin with desire. Sander’s finger stopped right above the waistband of his underwear, giving it a small tuck. Robbe’s breath hitched. Sander let go of the waistband and let his hand travel further down over the thin fabric. He softly cupped Robbe’s bulge, letting his hand rest there for a moment.</p><p>“Do you want this?” Sander asked, giving it a small squeeze.</p><p>“Yes. Please,” Robbe pleaded, a strangled moan escaping his lips.</p><p>That was all the confirmation Sander needed. He pushed against his shoulders and lifted himself up so he was hovering over Robbe, who was now lying flat on his back. “I’m going to make you feel so good you won’t even remember what stress feels like,” said Sander, climbing in between his legs and starting a wet trail of kisses down his chest.</p><p>The last thought Robbe had before his mind went blank was that he should probably give Sander a hand getting his underwear off. He lifted his hips and clumsily started pulling at the fabric. </p><p>“Do you need me to take of my-“</p><p>Sander pushed his hands off. “I don’t need you to do anything. All you have to do is lie back and relax,” he said before pulling down his underwear in one swift move and wrapping his mouth around him.</p><p>Robbe was in heaven.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Zoë</span> </strong>
</p><p>Okay so i’m going to do this over text so i don’t have to look you in the eye and it will be less awkward for both of us</p><p>I’m really happy for you but please keep it down next time you and sander get it on</p><p>Or like don’t have sex when i’m in my room</p><p>Yeah i actually prefer that </p><p>Okay? </p><p>Robbe?</p><p>I won’t</p><p>Fuck this is so embarrassing </p><p>Can we pretend this conversation never happened?</p><p>Absolutely </p><p>Can i ask you one more question though?</p><p>Shoot</p><p>How did you and senne handle this whole dating while living together thing?</p><p>Let’s talk about that tomorrow okay?</p><p>I have to be at work in an hour</p><p>Yeah sure! Thanks</p><p>:)</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 11:46</strong>
</p><p>After a long and relaxing shower, Robbe walked downstairs for a late breakfast. Him and Sander had slept separately last night because Sander had a party with some classmates. Robbe hadn’t seen him this morning so he was probably still asleep. He had slept like a baby, tired out by yesterday’s steamy activities.</p><p>They had spent the whole day in his room, only getting out for bathroom breaks and to open the door for the takeout deliverer. They weren’t strong enough yet to keep their hands off each other in public. The honeymoon phase was in full swing. Robbe wished it could always be like this, just him and Sander in their rooms, away from the hectic world outside.</p><p>Zoë crossed him on the stairs, smiling brightly. “Hey!”</p><p>“Hey,” he replied with flushed cheeks, still a bit embarrassed by yesterday’s incident. He couldn’t believe she had heard them. He didn’t want to know what he sounded like. It sure couldn’t be any good.</p><p>“Want to talk in my room?” she asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah sure. Let me grab some breakfast first,” said Robbe, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. </p><p>“No rush!” she said, patting him on the shoulder as she walked past him up the stairs.</p><p>He was relieved Zoë seemed to have no intention of discussion the incident. When he got downstairs, he walked past Noor and a random girl who were lying knocked out on the couch in a strangled position. It looked uncomfortable but judging by their faces they didn’t share the same opinion.</p><p>He poked his head into the fridge to see if he had anything eatable left. Nothing. His shelf was empty, apart from a pack of butter. Normally he would go to the supermarket and grab some croissants on the way, but he didn’t feel like it today. The cold pizza on the shelf above his probably had something to do with it. It was almost screaming at him to be eaten. Robbe grabbed the pizza, taking the note off that said ‘Do not touch. I know where you live’. He didn’t need to recognize the handwriting to know it was Senne’s. He was always very intense about not sharing food. He would start screaming as soon as someone grabbed so much as a a fry from his plate. Robbe wasn’t intimidated by his threatening notes. Senne could miss a few slices of his pizza. He could just drive his big ass Tesla to Domino’s to get a new one.</p><p>Robbe took a bite of the pizza and closed the fridge with his foot.</p><p>Jens walked into the kitchen wearing sweatpants, his hair in a messy mop. He raised his eyebrows when he spotted the slice of pizza in Robbe’s hand. “Well well, you got balls today.”</p><p>“He’ll live,” said Robbe, rolling his eyes and jumping on the counter.</p><p>Jens raised his eyebrows, looking amused. “What’s up with the new attitude?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Robbe mumbled, mouth full of Senne’s pizza.</p><p>“This care free, sitting on the counter with bare feet, eating your roommate’s food vibe you got going on,” said Jens, gesturing at the way he was sitting on the counter. “What happened to jittery Robbe?”</p><p>“Nothing,” he shrugged, like he did this every morning. “I’ve sat on the counter before.”</p><p>Jens eyes went wide. “Oh I see what’s going on,” he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “You fucked it out.”</p><p>Robbe choked on a pizza crust. “No I didn’t!” he shrieked, loudly coughing to get the crust out if his airway. Was Jens a psychic? How the fuck did he guess things like that. It was starting to creep him out.</p><p>Jens chuckled, making no attempt to pat him on the back or hand him a glass of water. “Why are you getting all blushy then?”</p><p>“Because I almost choked!” said Robbe, still loudly coughing. He jumped off the counter and walked out of the kitchen, avoiding Jens’ smug look. “Mind your own business,” he muttered.</p><p>“You can’t keep running away from me forever Ijzermans!” Jens called after him.</p><p>
  <em>Watch me.</em>
</p><p>He walked upstairs in desperate need of Zoë’s advice, hoping she would give him some sort of manual to deal with situations like this. Maybe she would. Her relationship with Senne seemed to be going quite smoothly, apart from some occasional bickering. They also seemed to be on good terms with the rest of their roommates. He needed to know how they did it. He knocked on her bedroom door, ready to take all the advice she could give him.</p><p>“Come in!” she said.</p><p>Robbe opened the door. Zoë jumped up from her desk chair and walked over to the whiteboard that was hanging on her wall. Usually there was a calendar drawn on it, but she had erased everything and written ‘Dating your roommate 101’ at the top. Zoë was bouncing on her feet in front of the whiteboard, a pen in her hand.</p><p>“Sit,” she instructed, pointing at her desk chair. </p><p>Robbe sat down, a bit hesitant. It didn’t seem like this was going to be the casual conversation he had expected it to be. Zoë looked like she had prepared for something else.</p><p>“You’re not going to write anything down?” she asked, looking at his empty hands.</p><p>“No? Unless you’re planning on testing my knowledge at the end,” Robbe joked, wondering if she was being serious. </p><p>“I’m not. Sorry, I got carried away a bit,” she laughed. “Maybe I should consider becoming a teacher or something. Anyway, let’s get into it.” Zoë turned around and started writing on the whiteboard like she was about to give a lecture. “The first and best piece of advice I’m going to give you is to communicate,” she said, writing the word down and drawing sparkles around it. “If you want this to work, you have to communicate about the expectations you have of each other. Stuff like when you’re going to sleep in the same bed, what you’re going to do when friends come over and how you’ll handle everything when it doesn’t work out. Don’t just assume you’re on the same page. Also, don’t sleep in the same bed if one of you has a night out. It doesn’t do the relationship any good. Trust me.”</p><p>“We already did that!” said Robbe, crossing his legs with a smug look on his face. “Sander had a party last night so we slept separately.”</p><p>Zoë smiled. “Well, then you’re already better at it than I am. Okay next up, and this one has to do with yesterday’s incident that we’re not going to talk about,” she said, giving him the side-eye. “Please be considerate of your roommates. Try not to make them feel like a third wheel, no excessive make out sessions in common areas, you know what I mean.”</p><p>“As in no PDA or no making out in common areas at all?”</p><p>“No PDA but I feel like you’re asking permission to have sex on the kitchen counter and the answer is no,” Zoë said, giving him the side-eye.</p><p>“No that’s not what I meant! I was just- Nevermind,” he mumbled, staring at his lap, face red like a tomato. He suddenly had this very inappropriate and very graphic image in his head.</p><p>Fortunately Zoë didn’t comment on it. She turned back around to add something on the whiteboard. “Advice number three, don’t become a clingy married couple. You’re already living together so it’s important that you do some things separately like hobbies and hanging out with friends.”</p><p>Robbe was a little worried about that. He wanted to be with Sander 24/7 but knew that probably wasn’t smart. He didn’t want them to get tired of each other. That wasn’t allowed to happen. Apart from going to different colleges, their lives were getting pretty intertwined, with living in the same house and having the same friend circle and all.</p><p>“I added Sander to the broerrrs chat right before we got together. Do you think that’s going to be a problem?” he asked.</p><p>“Not necessarily if you stick to advice number one,” she grinned, underlining the word ‘communicate’ on the board. “Just talk to him about it.”</p><p>“Okay, I will.”</p><p>“Then we have arrived at the final piece of advice. Go on dates. Don’t think it’s overrated because you’re living together. Do fun stuff together outside of the house on a regular basis. Yeah, I think that’s all the advice I have right now. Time for questions!” she said, enthusiastically clapping her hands together. She was having way too much fun with this lecture act to not pursue a career in it.</p><p>“What do you do if you have a fight?” he said, asking the first question that came to mind. It was his biggest fear at the moment. Robbe would do anything to prevent them from getting into a fight. He got a taste of what it was like to be on bad terms with Sander and he wasn’t planning on getting back to that. Like ever.</p><p>“Depends on how bad it is. If it’s a small fight or just irritation then I would suggest to just do your own thing and sleep separately. But if it’s a bigger fight then one of you should probably stay somewhere else for a couple of days.”</p><p>“Has that ever happened to you?”</p><p>Zoë scrunched her nose. “More often than I would like to admit. I throw Senne out of the house when we have a fight like that because I don’t have a fancy country house to stay at.”</p><p>“Right,” he said, remembering that Senne’s parents were rich. He wondered which one of them would sleep somewhere else if they ever had a falling out. He could probably sleep at his mom’s for a few nights. She wouldn’t mind, rather be happy to spend some extra time with him.</p><p>“Any other questions?” Zoë asked.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. When do think we should tell the others?” His original plan was to draw it out as long as possible but he had recently noticed how inconvenient sneaking around actually was.</p><p>Zoë thought for a second. “Not too soon but not too late either. I should wait until you’re both sure about what you want but I wouldn’t wait as long as we did. People will find out anyway and things will get weird.”</p><p>They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Noor poked her head around the corner. Her gaze went from Zoë to Robbe, realizing they were in the middle of something. “Did I interrupt something?”</p><p>“Yes, Zoë is giving me a lecture,” Robbe giggled, pointing at the whiteboard.</p><p>“Uh, okay. I’ll come back later,” said Noor, furrowing her brows at them before turning around.</p><p>“No come in! We've finished,” said Zoë, putting the cap on her pen. “You can email me if you have any more questions,” she joked at Robbe. </p><p>Robbe gave her a thankful smile before looking over at Noor. “What’s up?”</p><p>“Are you busy today?” Noor asked, leaning against the doorframe.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Do you want to help me film a video? Sander told me you are good at that,” she said. </p><p>He could imagine Sander bragging about Robbe's Oscar worthy filming skills even though he had only seen his badly edited videos of their Danny Phantom re-enactments. His filming skills had improved since then but he was sure he wasn’t as good as Sander made other people believe he was.</p><p>Robbe leaned back on his chair, curious as to what Noor had in mind. “What kind of video?”</p><p>“For a song I wrote.”</p><p>“A music video? Did you rehearse a dance routine? Wait, are you auditioning for K3?” he giggled, imagining Noor as the new member of the girl band.</p><p>Noor rolled her eyes. “Forget I asked,” she said, ready to walk away.</p><p>“No no! I want to help,” Robbe assured her. “What do you want to film?”</p><p>“Just some aesthetic shots at Waagnatie. So let me know when you’re done with your dating advise session,” she said, nodding at the whiteboard that still had ‘Go on dates’ written on it.</p><p>“Uh no that isn’t- I was explaining something about psychology,” Zoë stammered.</p><p>“Relax,” Noor laughed. “Sander told me.”</p><p>“Oh thank god,” said Zoë, relieved that she didn’t accidentally reveal their relationship to another roommate.</p><p>“Oh, I see,” said Robbe, folding his arms. “Do you even need me for the filming or is it just a lame excuse to get me to spill the beans?”</p><p>“Both,” she smirked. “Like a killing two birds with one stone kind of thing.”</p><p>Robbe sighed to look annoyed, a smile appearing on his lips. He actually liked talking about it to Noor. She had always been supportive of them. “Fine. Okay let’s do this then. Thanks for the advice, it was really helpful,” he said to Zoë.</p><p>“My pleasure.”</p><p>He followed Noor into the hallway. “Do you have a camera or do I need to bring mine?” </p><p>“I do but I think yours is better,” said Noor.</p><p>Robbe went into his room to grab his filming camera. It was tucked away in a box he hadn’t unpacked since he moved in. With the camera and his coat in his hand, he walked downstairs. Noor was already waiting for him at the front door. </p><p>They drove into town on Noor’s scooter. He had never sat on a scooter before. Every time they made a sharp turn, Robbe instinctively leaned to the other side, no matter how many times Noor told him he shouldn’t do that.</p><p>Fortunately, he was a lot better at filming than at sitting on a scooter. He made some shots of Noor walking along the Schelde with the sun sparkling in the river. She was very pleased with the material. After they filmed everything that Noor needed, he even got her to do a little dance routine to keep the true video clip spirit up. Noor did threaten to kill him if he ever showed it to anyone. It had been a fun day. Robbe promised himself to pick up filming again.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Can I kidnap you tomorrow?</p><p>....are you trying to dirty talk?</p><p>Hahahaha no </p><p>Serious question</p><p>Kidnap me where?</p><p>It’s a surprise </p><p>I have lectures in the afternoon</p><p>Aaron already agreed on giving you his notes</p><p>
  
</p><p>Should I be scared?</p><p>No</p><p>It’s a fun kidnap</p><p>Okay fine</p><p>Great🥰</p><p>Speaking of dirty talk</p><p>How am I supposed to hide those hickeys on my neck? </p><p>With a turtleneck</p><p>It’s in the laundry</p><p>A scarf then</p><p>You know damn well I don’t do scarfs</p><p>You also gave me a hickey on my thigh</p><p>Didn’t even notice that</p><p>Wanna do that again some time?</p><p>Sander im in public</p><p>So?</p><p>Is this turning you on robin?</p><p>A little</p><p>Do you have a boner?</p><p>No </p><p>Maybe</p><p>Same</p><p>Can you like say something unattractive to make it go away?</p><p>I accidentally used Jens’ toothpaste this morning</p><p>Noooooo</p><p>Gross </p><p>Okay that worked</p><p>Any time😘</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 13:05</strong>
</p><p>Robbe parket his bike and walked over to the Delhaize supermarket on the Meir where he had met up with Sander at one o'clock, looking in a window reflection to touch up his hair. He had treated himself to a haircut this morning but the hairdresser had cut it shorter than he was supposed to. Which happened every single time. Robbe wondered if Delhaize was just their meeting point or if it had anything to do with the surprise. It was too cold to go out for a picknick or anything but with Sander you never knew what he had planned. </p><p>Sander was already waiting for him in front of the store. He hadn't noticed him yet and was staring into the distance with furrowed brows and a straightened back, trying to look tough. When he spotted Robbe in the crowd, his face melted and a smile appeared on his lips. </p><p>Robbe closed the distance between them by giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Hey.”</p><p>Sander pulled away, gasping at his haircut and touching his shortened curls. “What happened to you hair? You said it would only be a small trim,” he pouted.</p><p>Robbe pushed away his hand, rolling his eyes. He could have known Sander would make a big thing out of it. He was obsessed with Robbe's curls, always touching them with every opportunity he got. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not that short.”</p><p>“But I loved it that long. It was the perfect length,” Sander wined.</p><p>“It was hanging in my face. What do you want me to do, wear a manbun? It will grow back.”</p><p>Sander kept staring at his hair like someone just died.</p><p>“What?” said Robbe, raising his eyebrows. “Did you only like me for my looks?”</p><p>He smiled, cupping his cheek. “Of course not. You look great. I just have to get used to it.”</p><p>“I can grow it back if you like it that much,” Robbe suggested. He didn't really care that much about his hair and was willing to grow it out if it would make Sander happy.</p><p>“Don’t grow it back for me. It’s your hair. I’m just here to admire,” said Sander. “Are you ready for our date?”</p><p>Robbe scrunched his nose, still a bit nervous about what Sander had in mind. He hoped Sander realized he wasn’t as adventurous as he was and he wouldn't take him bungee jumping or something. “I don’t know, am I?”</p><p>“You’ll like it, I promise. Come,” said Sander as he grabbed his hand.</p><p>They strolled down the Meir. It was busy, people were already doing their Christmas shopping. Robbe always found this time of the year depressing but on the Meir it wasn't that bad. The Christmas lights and colorful shop windows lifted up his spirits. </p><p>“You know, we’re already nailing this dating as roommates thing,” he said with a smug face, remembering what Zoë told him.</p><p>“We are?”</p><p>“Yeah, Zoë gave me all this advice yesterday and one of them was to go on dates.”</p><p>“I guess we’re just naturals then,” said Sander, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. “We have arrived at our first stop.”</p><p>Robbe looked up, frowning. “Weekday?”</p><p>“I saw you longingly staring at a certain sweater on your laptop,” Sander grinned, guiding him into the store.</p><p>Robbe had indeed been staring at a sweater online, a comfy dark green and blue one with a white stripe through the middle. The problem was that it costed forty five euros and he was already running out of this months money. </p><p>“You don’t have to buy me a sweater. It’s way too expensive.”</p><p>“I want to,” Sander assured him. “I earned some money selling some of my drawings and I would like to buy you a gift. See it as an early Christmas present.”</p><p>“But I don’t want you to sell your drawings to buy me things,” he argued.</p><p>“Robbe, please let me buy you a present. I want to make a living out of selling my art so it’s not like I sold an organ.”</p><p>A blush appeared on Robbe's cheeks. He wasn’t used to people buying him presents apart from his birthday.“Okay.”</p><p>They walked over to the fitting rooms. Sander stopped in front of a tray of gloves. “Do you want blue or black ones?”</p><p>Robbe frowned. “I don’t need gloves. It’s not <em>that</em> cold.”</p><p>“You do where we’re going next,” Sander grinned. Apparently this was only the first part of their date.</p><p>Sander joined him in the fitting room and sat down on the bench. Robbe wanted to tell him that they weren't allowed to be in there together but he had a feeling that would only encourage Sander to stay exactly were he was. He pulled off his coat and threw it on Sander's lap. He pulled the sweater over his head and looked in the mirror, a bit insecure about the fit. Maybe he should get a bigger size. </p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>“Very handsome. Love those colors on you,” said Sander, admiring him from his seat. “It would look even better with those pants we saw in the window.”</p><p>“Do you need any help in there?” said a voice on the other side of the curtain.</p><p>“No tha-“</p><p>“Yes,” said Sander, abruptly pulling the curtain back. “My boyfriend would like to buy some new pants.”</p><p>Robbe stared at him with big eyes, partly because he always got uncomfortable when shop employees helped him pick out new clothes, but mostly because Sander had called him his boyfriend for the first time. A proud feeling filled his chest. </p><p>“Okay! Any particular fit you had in mind?” an extravagant guy with short brown curls and a golden earring asked. His nails were painted in different shades of purple. It looked cool. According to his name tag he was called Milan.</p><p>“Tight,” said Sander.</p><p>Milan tried to hold back a grin. “What size do you have?”</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know,” Robbe mumbled, looking down at his legs.</p><p>“Can you do a twirl?” Milan asked.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Spin around so I can guess your size,” he explained, making a spinning movement with his finger.</p><p>Robbe lifted his arms and made a slow embarrassed twirl. This was exactly the reason why he didn't like to get assistance in stores. He didn’t like people staring at his body. Except for Sander that was.</p><p>“Great, I’ll be right back with some options!” Milan smiled before heading back into the store.</p><p>“Why did you do that?” Robbe hissed at Sander.</p><p>“Relax,” he chuckled. “I’m sure he has taste.”</p><p>Milan came back a few minutes later, handing him a pile of pants. “Let me know if I need to get you another size!”</p><p>“Thanks,” Robbe replied, closing the curtain and carefully tugging at his pants so he wouldn't accidentally pull down his underwear as well. He felt the urge to turn around. </p><p>“Oh my god Robbe, I literally sucked your dick. Don’t get all shy on my now.”</p><p>Robbe stared at him with bulging eyes, his face and neck turning pink. “Shh!”</p><p>“He can’t hear us,” said Sander, rolling his eyes. “He has other customers to serve.”</p><p>The pants that Milan had selected fit perfectly. Robbe normally wouldn't wear tight fits like this but he couldn't deny that they looked good on him. They were expensive, just like the sweater but it was probably useless to argue about it with Sander because he seemed very set on buying it. Robbe changed into his own clothes again and handed Sander his green bag as they walked over to the counter. </p><p>“Did they fit?” Milan asked, taking off the security tags. </p><p>“Uh, yes. We’ll take this one,” said Robbe, putting the black pants on the counter.</p><p>Milan looked at Sander. “Is your boyfriend always this blushy when you’re buying clothes?”</p><p>“Only when I spoil him,” Sander grinned, giving Robbe a kiss on his cheek.</p><p>Robbe turned an even darker shade of red.</p><p>“Ah, puppy love,” Milan sighed, smiling fondly. “You guys keep me young.”</p><p>Sander frowned. “How old are you?”</p><p>“Twenty-five.”</p><p>“That’s not old.”</p><p>“Oh, he’s charming as well?” Milan said to Robbe. “Better get out of here before I get jealous of the two of you. Good luck with getting those pants off,” he said, his eyes getting wide when he realized what it sounded like. “Because they’re tight! Not because- Shit, please don’t get me fired.”</p><p>“I’m sure we’ll get them off,” Sander laughed, walking out of the store with a flushed Robbe and his new purchases under his arms.</p><p>“Did you bike here?” Sander asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve parked around the corner.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Sander hung the shopping bag around the handlebars of his bike as they unlocked their bikes. </p><p>“Whereto?” Robbe asked. </p><p>“Surprise,” said Sander in a singing voice.</p><p>Robbe got on his bike and followed Sander in the direction he was going. “You know, I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m ready to tell everyone about us. Should we call a house meeting to announce it?”</p><p>“If you’re willing to wait a few weeks before we’ve gathered everyone in the same room. I would just drop it in the group chat.”</p><p>Sander was right. They didn't even manage to have diner together once every two weeks. “Okay, I will.”</p><p>“It feels like we’re Facebook official now, said Sander, a bright smile on his face. After a five minute bike ride, Sander put on the brakes. “We’re here.”</p><p>Robbe looked around. “Are we going on the ferris wheel?”</p><p>“No we’re going ice skating,” said Sander, pointing at the skating rink next to the ferris wheel.</p><p>“You’re joking.”</p><p>“Nope,” Sander smiled.</p><p>“But you hate ice skating,” said Robbe, looking at him with a confused look on his face. Sander never wanted to go ice skating back in the day, even though Robbe loved it. He loved it so much that he marked the opening date of the ice rink in his calendar. Sander always had these lame accuses about why he couldn't join. It was either the fact that it was too busy at the skating rink or there were too many tourists or his beliefs that people should only skate on natural ice. </p><p>“I don’t <em>hate</em> it,” said Sander. “Do I find the idea of strapping slippery objects under my feat a little terrifying? Yes, but I was hoping I could cling onto you.”</p><p>“Absolutely,” he grinned, leaning over Sander’s bike to give him a kiss. The fact that Sander was so open about his fears with him gave Robbe a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. </p><p>They spent the next hour on the skating rink. Sander clung onto him like Bambi on ice, not letting go of his hand for one second. Towards the end of their time on the ice Robbe got the feeling that Sander was able to skate by himself and it was just an excuse to hold his hand for an hour straight. </p><p>All the ice skating had made them hungry so Sander took him to a fritkot for vettige maandag. After they finished eating their fries, they biked home with rosy cheeks. </p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Casa Anubis</span> </strong>
</p><p>Sander and I would like to make an announcement </p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Jana</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Noor</strong>: Ohhh❤️</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: </p><p>
  
</p><p>The fuck?</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: bro we know</p><p>Know what?</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: that you’re banging</p><p>Oh</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: But did you also know we’re in luuuuv</p><p><strong>Luca</strong>: ASDFFGHJJKLKL</p><p><strong>Amber</strong>: So cute💖</p><p><strong>Moyo</strong>: yea okay that is cute</p><p><strong>Jana</strong>: Really happy for you two :))</p><p><strong>Keisha</strong>: @Sander can I have your room now?</p><p><strong>Sander</strong>: Absolutely not</p><p><strong>Senne</strong>: Congrats!!</p><p><strong>Aaron</strong>: 😍😍😍😍😍</p><p><strong>Jens</strong>: not to spoil the mood but y’all owe me 10 bucks</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 14:04</strong>
</p><p>Robbe arrived at the library, soaking wet from the rain. He took off his coat and sweater, put them on the heater to dry and wobbled to the back office. The muscles in his legs were sore from yesterday’s ice skating adventure.</p><p>Yasmina appeared in the door opening. “Finally, you’re here,” she sighed in relief.</p><p>“I’m not late, am I?” he said, looking at his watch. He had purposefully left earlier because of the weather.</p><p>“No but Jesse is a bit exhausting to work with. He keeps following me around like a lost puppy.”</p><p>It wasn’t hard to imagine Jesse following Yasmina around everywhere. He had already been like that when they were kids, never quite sensing that he was standing in people’s personal space. It had always made Robbe uncomfortable even though he knew Jesse wasn’t doing it on purpose.</p><p>Well, I’m ready to put you out of your misery,” he joked, pouring himself a coffee.</p><p>“Better watch out. I think he has a crush on you. He keeps asking about you,” she said.</p><p>Robbe shook his head. “He doesn’t. We used to hang out sometimes when he lived down my street. He’s just curious I think.”</p><p>“Where have a heard this story before?” said Yasmina, excessively stroking her chin. “Remind me again about how that turned out?”</p><p>“That’s not the same!”</p><p>“I’m sure it isn’t but I would still drop a hint that you’re taken before there will be another love triangle. I really can’t deal with another love triangle.”</p><p>“Fine,” he sighed, grabbing his coffee and walking over to the storage room, his wet jeans uncomfortably sticking to his legs. Maybe he could do some administration while sitting against the heater.</p><p>His phone buzzed in his pocket.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>You look pretty when you sleep🖤</p><hr/><p>A blush appeared on Robbe’s cheeks. It were things like this where the realization hit him that someone actually liked him. And not just someone but Sander. Sander liked him so much that he drew portraits of him. </p><p>In the storage room he ran into Jesse who was sorting out a pile of books.</p><p>Jesse looked up. “Good morning.”</p><p>“It’s two o’clock, Jesse.” Robbe had been determined to call him by his name and not slip out an accidental ‘Seppe’. Jesse deserved to be called by his real name after so many years.</p><p>“Oh, right,” Jesse said, letting out a nervous laugh. “I haven’t really seen any daylight today.” </p><p>Robbe gave him a sympathetic smile. “I know the feeling,” he said, putting his coffee mug down and walking over to the bookshelves. “Did you do anything fun this weekend?”</p><p>“Uh, not really. I had a tennis match.”</p><p>Robbe raised his eyebrows. Jesse had been a fanatic tennis player as a kid. Robbe ran into him countless times on his way back from school, Jesse already on his way to the tennis court with his racket strapped on his back.</p><p>“You still play tennis?”</p><p>Yeah, just for fun though,” Jesse shrugged.</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>“What did you do this weekend?” he asked.</p><p>
  <em>Got a blowjob. Attended a lecture about dating my roommate. Shot a video clip.</em>
</p><p>“Not much. I did go ice skating yesterday,” Robbe replied. “With my boyfriend,” he added, taking on Yasmina’s advice.</p><p>“Oh cool,” said Jesse, trying to come across as casual. “At Groenplaats?”</p><p>Robbe had encountered a few reactions like Jesse’s to his coming out in recent years. There was something endearing in the way people were clearly surprised by his revelation but immediately tried to hide their surprise because they thought that would comfort him.</p><p>“Yeah. Actually, you also know him. Remember Sander from back in Berchem?”</p><p>Jesse seemed more surprised by the fact that Sander was his boyfriend than the fact that he had a boyfriend in the first place. “Uh, yeah. The guy with the weird sweaters?”</p><p>“That one,” he grinned. For years Robbe hadn’t spoken to anyone he grew up with. He had left that world behind when he had to move in with his dad and almost forgotten about it. It was nice to talk to someone again who had known him back then and knew stuff like the kind of sweaters Sander used to wear. It made him feel whole again.</p><p>“Oh, I thought he moved to Liège,” Jesse mumbled, focusing a little too hard on the books in front of him.</p><p>“He did. We didn’t see each other for like a decade and then we ended up living in the same house. It has been pretty crazy,” Robbe explained.</p><p>Jesse didn’t respond, only smiling awkwardly and avoiding eye contact.</p><p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p><p>Jesse used to always want to hang out with him. Jesse never liked Sander. Jesse knew where their hut was. Robbe had shown him once when he told Jesse about it. Jesse had stolen the letter. It all made sense now. Who else could it be? Robbe’s parents didn’t do it and Sander’s parents wouldn’t break into their garden to steal a letter while they were busy moving house. It had to be Jesse. But why would he do something like that?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Did you tell seppe you were moving to Liège</p><p>No??</p><p>Imagine if I told fucking Seppe but didn’t bother telling you💀💀</p><p>I think he took the letter</p><p>WHAT</p><p>I’m not sure yet </p><p>I’ll let you know in a sec</p><p>Don’t leave me on a cliffhanger like that!!!</p><p>Always knew he was evil😤</p><hr/><p>“Did Sander tell you he was moving to Liège?” Robbe asked, putting his phone back in his pocket. He figured it was best to just ask straight out in the hope he would get a genuine answer out of Jesse.</p><p>Jesse’s head shot up. “What?”</p><p>“That he moved to Liège, did he tell you?”</p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah. He did,” he replied, avoiding Robbe’s gaze.</p><p>His behavior confirmed Robbe’s suspicion. Jesse was lying. He knew exactly what Robbe was talking about, stuttering just a bit to much for it to be a coincidence. Still, Robbe would like to hear him say it.</p><p>“Did he also send you a letter?”</p><p>“Uh, no. He just, uh, told me,” Jesse stammered, his face turning red.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He wasn’t going to push any further. There was no use. Jesse didn’t look like he was going to admit it any time soon. Robbe knew enough and he wasn’t going to make the situation any more awkward than it already was. They still had to work together after all. Maybe Jesse would tell him one day when they knew each other better.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 06:34</strong>
</p><p>It was still dark and quiet in the house when Robbe decided to get up. He threw on his new sweater, that was as soft as he had hoped it would be, and walked over to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When Robbe had early classes, he got up at half past six to avoid the morning commute in the house. If he got up ten minutes later, there would be a line in front of the bathroom. He preferred it quiet in the morning and would rather get up a few minutes earlier than bicker over who had the right to go in the bathroom next.</p><p>Sander wobbled into the bathroom, eyes still small from sleep and his slightly grown out bleached hair bouncing on his head like a cloud. He looked adorable.</p><p>They had slept in the same bed again last night. Robbe was quickly getting used to sharing a bed with Sander. Hearing Sander breath beside him calmed him down. It made him feel warm and safe, like he could conquer everything as long as he could crawl in bed with him at the end of the day.</p><p>“Did I wake you?”</p><p>“No, I was already up,” said Sander, wrapping his arms around Robbe’s waist and resting his chin on the crook of his neck. “Did I tell you I love this sweater?”</p><p>“Only twenty times already,” Robbe giggled.</p><p>Sander smiled. He gave him a soft kiss against the back of his neck before grabbing his own toothbrush.</p><p>Robbe had texted with his mom yesterday. She had asked if he wanted to come over for diner on Friday. She didn’t ask him to bring Sander but he knew that was deliberate because she didn’t want to seem pushy and let Robbe come up with the idea himself, which he appreciated. He had decided to ask Sander. Sander had shared hard stuff about his past with him so it was only fair to do the same.</p><p>“I’m having dinner at my mom’s on Friday. Do you want to come?” he asked, looking at Sander through the mirror.</p><p>“Yes. I would love to,” Sander beamed, his face lighting up like Robbe had just given him his Christmas present.</p><p>Robbe smiled back. “Okay, great.” </p><p>“Does she still live in Berchem?”</p><p>There it was, the question he had been afraid of. He was just going to be honest with Sander. But that didn’t mean it was easy for him to talk about. It made him sad.</p><p>“Uh, no. Not anymore. She lives in a flat now. She, uh, wasn’t doing well for a while so she moved to an assisted living facility. But she’s doing a lot better lately,” said Robbe, trying to make it sound like not that big of a deal.</p><p>Sander frowned, the smile disappearing from his face. “What do you mean not doing too well?”</p><p>“She, uh, had a couple of schizophrenic episodes. They weren’t that bad in the beginning but it got worse after my dad left. I couldn’t take care of her anymore because I still had school and stuff,” he explained, trying to focus his attention on cleaning his toothbrush.</p><p>When he looked up, Sander’s face had turned cold again. It wasn’t the uninterested, distant kind of cold like when Robbe first moved in. He looked numb, all emotions gone from his face like he just rebuild the walls around him that had been crumbling down over the past few weeks. </p><p>“But it’s all better now,” Robbe assured him in an attempt to get the strange look off Sander’s face.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” said Sander. His voice sounded weird as well, almost as flat and lifeless as his face. </p><p>“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but I don’t like talking about it because I’m kind of trying to forget everything that happened. And I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me or anything.”</p><p>Sander spit out his toothpaste in the sink. “I have to go,” he muttered, walking out of the bathroom with big steps.</p><p>Robbe stared at his own reflection in the mirror, confused as to what just happened.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 19:24</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was cooking some pasta in the kitchen, softly humming to the songs on his headphones. The counter was filled with dirty dishes from his roommates who had cooked before him and hadn’t bothered to clean it up, but he had still managed to find a small spot that looked relatively clean. After some digging around in the cabinets, he had even found a clean pan and a cutting board. Robbe began to like cooking. It was relaxing and he always felt good about himself after he had cooked something from scratch.</p><p>He had put his headphones on to distract his mind from worrying about Sander. He hadn’t seen him since yesterday morning, only hearing him get home late last night and retreating to his own room. Maybe Sander was angry at him for not telling him sooner. Robbe had expected him to understand because Sander hadn’t been open with him about his past either, but maybe this was different. Maybe Sander had been under the impression that all cards were out on the table now. Or maybe Robbe was blowing up the whole situation in his head and Sander was just busy. Still, he couldn’t help but have a strange feeling about it.</p><p>When the pasta was done, he put it on a plate on the kitchen table. He quickly rinsed off his used dishes like the good roommate he was. When he turned around, his pasta was gone.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>He walked over to the table. There was a sticky note on the spot where he put his plate that said ‘karma is a bitch :)’. Daisy was staring at him like she just witnessed a crime scene, walking around the table loudly meowing. Robbe walked into the living room to see who stole his food. Senne was sitting at the table, eating something that looked suspiciously much like his pasta.</p><p>“Is that my pasta?”</p><p>“No,” Senne scoffed like that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.</p><p>Robbe came closer to see what he was eating. “It is. Give it back,” he said, trying to grab the plate.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” said Senne, standing up and raising the plate above his head so Robbe wouldn’t be able to reach it.</p><p>He jumped up with grabby hands, trying to get a hold of it. It was pointless. Robbe didn’t stand a chance against Senne. He was taller than him and twice as broad.</p><p>“Did you put a note on it that others weren’t allowed to eat it?” Senne asked, still balancing the food above his head.</p><p>“No but I literally put it on the fucking table a minute ago. Don’t be so childish,” Robbe groaned.</p><p>Senne raised his eyebrows. “Childish? Me? You know what is childish? I’ll show you what is childish. Follow me,” said Sander, walking over to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, beckoning Robbe to stand next to him. </p><p>Robbe walked over to the fridge, shoulders hanging low. He wouldn’t have eaten his pizza it he had known Senne would make such a big deal out of it.</p><p>“What do you notice?” Senne asked, pointing at the stacked fridge.</p><p>“Nothing.” He didn’t feel like admitting what he had done. Fuck Senne and his stupid pizza. He was hungry and just wanted to eat the pasta he had been preparing for the last thirty minutes.</p><p>“You don’t feel like there is something missing?”</p><p>“No,” Robbe insisted.</p><p>“Funny,” said Senne, closing the fridge. “I could have sworn I put a pizza in there with a note saying not to touch it.”</p><p>“Okay fine,” Robbe groaned, finally dropping his act. “I ate your fucking pizza. I admit it. I’ll order you a new one. Can I have my diner back now?”</p><p>“Nah, I don’t think so. It tastes pretty good,” Senne said with a evil smirk on his face, taking a seat at the table again an shoving another spoon full of pasta into his mouth. “You’ve made more than enough, anyway.”</p><p>“But I wanted to freeze the rest in so I can eat it tomorrow,” Robbe whined, frustratingly stamping his feet. “Don’t be such a dick, Senne. Give it back or else I’ll-“</p><p>“Or else what? You’re going to call Sander?” Senne scoffed. “I can easily take him on. He’s not as tough as he looks.”</p><p>“No,” Robbe grinned, suddenly coming up with a perfect thread. “I’m going to call Zoë. Better start turning on the heater in that country house of yours if I were you.”</p><p>Senne opened his mouth and then closed it again. He turned around with a frustrated groan, walking over to the hallway. “Zoë!” he yelled up the stairs. “Stop sharing our relationship problems with Robbe!”</p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>Hey❣️</p><p>What time are you getting home? </p><p>I left you some pasta</p><p>I’m at my parents</p><p>Oh i thought you would visit them this weekend?</p><p>No I had to leave earlier</p><p>Can you tell your mom I’m sorry for cancelling?</p><p>Of course! Have fun😘</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 22:27</strong>
</p><p>After moping around the house for a few hours, Robbe had decided to join the broerrrs at their favorite bar. He had gone to his mom for diner by himself because he still wanted to see her. She had convinced him that there would come plenty occasions to have diner with Sander, but he hadn’t been able to get Sander’s face from Wednesday morning out of his head. The fact that he had sounded a little brusque over text also didn’t help. It felt like he was angry about something but Robbe didn’t understand what he had done wrong.</p><p>Jens waved at him from a table near the bar. Judging from the amount of empty beer glasses on the table, they had been going at it for a while.</p><p>“There he is, our man magnet!” Moyo roared. </p><p>“Shut up,” said Robbe, sitting down on a barstool next to Jens. “I’m not a man magnet.”</p><p>“Well, you definitely wrapped Sander around your little finger,” Jens grinned, poking him with his elbow.</p><p>“Yeah, how did you do that?” said Aaron. “Maybe you could teach me. I don’t think Amber is interested after all.”</p><p>“You think?” Jens chuckled.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Robbe shrugged, looking at the drink menu. “I didn’t really do anything.” It was true. He never purposefully flirted with Sander, that had never been his intention. It just turned out this way.</p><p>“Great advice bro. Thanks,” Aaron sighed, downing the last gulp of his beer.</p><p>Aaron was quite a basket case when it came to girls. Robbe had never witnessed anyone be so bad at flirting that it was almost funny. Every single time he managed to say exactly the wrong thing to Amber. It had to be some kind of talent.</p><p>“I can’t help it you’re bad with girls. Maybe you should stop firing those pick up lines from hell at them,” Robbe suggested.</p><p>“That should be your broerrrs tattoo!” said Moyo. “Just ‘pick up lines from hell’ all over your chest. With a spelling mistake to give it that extra touch.”</p><p>“Fuck off,” said Aaron, giving Moyo a shove. “Like you’ve scored a girl recently.”</p><p>“No but I haven’t been pining over one for months.”</p><p>Robbe frowned. Apparently he had missed something. “Broerrrs tattoo?”</p><p>“Aaron wants us to get matching tattoos,” Jens explained, taking another sip of his beer.</p><p>“What the fuck? Why?”</p><p>“Why not? Wouldn’t it be dope to have matching tattoos to remind us of this time in our lives when we have boring jobs and a mortgage?” Aaron argued.</p><p>“I don’t think we’ll even get a job with those tattoo’s,” said Jens.</p><p>“They don’t have to be visible,” said Aaron.</p><p>“And be reminded of you every time I take of my clothes? No thanks,” Moyo replied, throwing some beer nuts into his mouth.</p><p>Robbe noticed Aaron looking at a girl who was sitting by herself at a table near the window, staring into space with a bored look on her face. She looked a bit like Amber, only with shorter hair. Aaron definitely had a type.</p><p>“Go talk to her,” Robbe encouraged him, nodding at the girl.</p><p>“And embarrass myself with another pick up line from hell?” Aaron scoffed.</p><p>Robbe held back a grin. “Just act interested, give her a compliment. I’m sure you have it in you somewhere,” he said, patting him on the back.</p><p>“Okay,” said Aaron, taking a deep breath before getting up from his seat.</p><p>“Go get her tiger!” said Moyo, giving him a playful slap on his ass.</p><p>Aaron walked up to the girl, hesitantly looking back at them right before he arrived at her table. He turned around again and took a seat on the empty chair next to her without asking her if it was okay. The girl leaned back in surprise. Aaron said something to here while pointing at them. She followed his gaze and looked at them with furrowed brows. That couldn’t be good. Robbe wondered what kind of bullshit story he was telling now. It didn’t seem to be working yet.</p><p>Robbe checked his phone for the hundredth time today. Still nothing from Sander, not he was expecting an answer. It wasn’t like Sander was ghosting him. He did respond to his text, but they had been texting a lot lately so Robbe had kind of expected that to continue. He didn’t want to come across as clingy by texting him again.</p><p>“Expecting a call?” Jens asked.</p><p>Robbe looked up from his phone. “Uh, no. I was checking if Sander had texted me back.” Sander had seemed so excited to have diner with his mom. Robbe couldn’t figure out what had changed. It might be nothing, maybe Sander was just busy in Liège or there was shit going on with his parents. He shouldn’t be trying to fill it all in. Sander would tell him eventually.</p><p>Jens seemed to notice the look on his face. “Are you fighting already?”</p><p>“No,” Robbe sighed. “He said he was going to his parents this weekend but left earlier and I haven’t heard from him much. I don’t know, I feel like I did something wrong.”</p><p>Jens put both of his hands flat on the table. “Bro, what did we talk about? Stop stressing so much. I’m sure it’s nothing.”</p><p>Robbe gave small shrug. Jens was probably right. But the knot in his stomach didn’t go away. He hated to admit it but he really needed Sander to text or call him and ease his worries, just so he could breath again.</p><p>Aaron walked back to their table. He didn’t look as defeated as normal. Maybe he finally pulled it off. The girl that looked like Amber was nowhere to be found, which couldn’t be a good sign.</p><p>“Oh god, what did you say to her?” Moyo asked, scrunching his nose.</p><p>“Nothing! Her roommate locked herself out but she’ll come back. I think it’s going alright actually,” said Aaron, taking a seat next to Moyo again.</p><p>Robbe exchanged some knowing glances with Moyo and Jens.</p><p>Moyo put a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “Bro, I hate to break it to you but she’s not coming back.”</p><p>Aaron raised his eyebrows in shock. “She’s not? Fuck! But I gave her a compliment and everything!”</p><p>“What did you say?” Robbe asked.</p><p>“That I had never seen someone looking good in white pants but she could pull them off,” said Aaron.</p><p>“Dude,” Jens and Moyo laughed in unison.</p><p>“What?” Aaron shrugged, oblivious to what he did wrong.</p><p>“You insulted her pants,” Robbe explained, trying to look sympathetic while holding back his laughter.</p><p>“I didn’t! I told her she looked good in them!”</p><p>“By saying they’re usually ugly.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Aaron, finally getting it. He let his shoulders drop, accepting another public failure.</p><p>Robbe got up to order a beer at the bar. Or actually, maybe he would order something stronger, like a Whiskey. They usually didn’t check your ID, hence why it was their favorite bar. He was glad he decided to join the broerrrs tonight. It distracted him from whatever was going on with Sander. As soon as he got back home, his mind would immediately go back to Sander so he was planning to drag this out as long as possible. Yeah, he really needed that Whiskey.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry to end it like this😭😭 i can't believe i already wrote 50k😳  i never expected it to get this long haha</p><p>Quick question,, what roommate dynamics would you like to see in the last 2 chapters? I've planned out most of the storylines but still need some inspo :)<br/>Also, are there any belgians/dutchies reading this? I feel like i'm making too many belgian tv referances that no one gets😅</p><p>(and sorry for any mistakes, i don't know why i thought editing this chapter an hour before my exam was a good idea shjdf)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. You Will Never Be a Burden to Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 15:18</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Casa Anubis</strong>
  </span>
</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> My dear children</p><p>I have some good news</p><p><strong>Jens:</strong> Are you finally moving out?</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Aaron:</strong> are you gifting us your car?</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> No</p><p><strong>Zoë: </strong>Did you figure out how the washing machine works?</p><p>No wait I have a good one</p><p>Did you finally learn how to tie your shoelaces the grownup way?</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> ZOË STOP EMBARRASSING ME YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE</p><p><strong>Zoë:</strong> I am on your side babe</p><p>Just making sure your ego doesn’t get too big😘</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> Well my ego was going to give you a ride to the beach but now he has to think about it</p><p><strong>Jana:</strong> the ego has a brain?</p><p><strong>Senne: </strong>And fuck you too</p><p><strong>Keisha:</strong> the beach?👀</p><p><strong>Senne</strong>: Yes</p><p>Everyone who is actually nice to me is invited to the beach house next week</p><p>My parents decided to go to St Moritz</p><p>So big ass house party on Friday?😏</p><p><strong>Luca:</strong> </p><p>
  
</p><p>THANK YOU ST MORITZ🙌</p><p>also senne did i tell you you’re looking exceptionally breathtaking today</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> You’re not getting the master bedroom</p><p><strong>Luca: </strong>nvm then</p><p><strong>Amber:</strong> Can we have the double bed then? I’m not sleeping on the floor again</p><p><strong>Senne:</strong> I think you have to fight Robbe and Sander on that</p><p><strong>Amber:</strong> @Robbe @Sander please?🥺🙏</p><p>Sure</p><p>I dont even know if we’re going</p><p><strong>Jens:</strong> nah ah you’re definitely going this time</p><p>dont need another plot twist after we leave you two alone in the house again</p><hr/><p>It was the weekend before midterms. Everyone had either locked themselves up in their bedrooms or went to the library to study. Robbe’s focus was nowhere to be found. He still hadn’t heard from Sander and his mind was already coming up with worse-case scenario’s again. He had called him this morning but Sander hadn’t picked up, which made Robbe even more nervous. </p><p>At first he had tried to study in his room, with little success. It was too quiet. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. The fact that he was reminded of Sander every time he looked around his room, also didn’t help. Sander was everywhere. His shirt lying on the floor next to Robbe’s laundry basket, one of his sketchbooks was lying on his desk and his earbuds were hanging around his bed frame. When Robbe went for a bathroom break, he got sad at the sight of Sander’s toothbrush.</p><p>After that, he grabbed his laptop and study books and joined Jana in the living room, hoping that the change of scenery would stir up his focus. It did help a bit. Seeing Jana studying motivated him to do the same. When he was studying alone in his room, he always felt like he was the only one who had to study and the rest of the world was out having fun. The fact that Jana took away his phone so he couldn’t compulsively check his messages, also helped with his concentration.</p><p>The doorbell rang. Robbe ignored it. He wasn’t expecting anyone besides Sander and Sander had a key. The doorbell rang again, the sharp sound echoing through the hallway. No one came down to open the door. Robbe looked up annoyed. Jana was staring at her laptop screen, oblivious to the sound because she had her headphones on. He got up with a groan and walked over to the front door. When he opened it, he was met with Adi’s happy face.</p><p>“Hey man! What’s up?”</p><p>“Hey,” Robbe replied. “Uh, Sander isn’t home.”</p><p>“Yeah, I figured. I actually came by to pick up a book,” said Adi, pointing at his backpack.</p><p>“Oh, okay. Come in,” he said, stepping aside to let Adi in. </p><p>He followed Adi into the living room. Maybe Adi knew what was up with Sander, considering he had known about Sander’s previous secret as well. Robbe had wanted to text Adi ever since he found out Sander had left but every time he opened their chat, he realized he was being ridiculous. What would he even say? ‘Hey man, Sander has left for his parents early and didn’t use any emojis in his texts, do you know if he wants to break up with me?’ But Adi was here now, so he might as well make use of the situation. He would just play it casual.</p><p>“Do you, uh, know why Sander left early?”</p><p>“To his parents you mean?” Adi asked, shoving the book into his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Adi shrugged. “He didn’t say much but it seemed like there was some sort of emergency because otherwise he wouldn’t have skipped his presentation.”</p><p>Robbe raised his eyebrows. “He skipped his presentation?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. He didn’t tell you?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Robbe felt the knot in his stomach getting bigger. Something was wrong. Sander wouldn’t just skip a presentation. He loved attending his classes, never missing a day and always staying late at the academy to work on his assignments. Robbe’s mind was adding a few more worse-case scenario’s to the collection. Maybe Sander wanted to break up with him but hadn’t found the courage yet so he fled to his parents. Or maybe his parents got kicked out of their house again. Maybe someone died in his family.</p><p>“Sometimes I wonder what’s going on in that guy’s head,” Adi sighed. “I have to run but let me know if I need to knock some sense into him again.”</p><p>Robbe forced out a smile, trying to hide his panic. “Good luck with your exams.”</p><p>“You too!” said Adi before heading out the door.</p><p>Robbe stayed behind, frozen to the spot in the middle of the living room. He didn’t know what to do. There was no use in opening his study books again. All his motivation had gone up in smoke. His mind was foggy. He tried to ignore the tingling feeling in his arms, but his chest was already burning with panic. </p><p>“Robbe?” said Jana.</p><p>He heard her but was too lost in his anxious thoughts to realize that she was expecting an answer.</p><p>Jana walked up to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Everything okay?”</p><p>
  <em>No. Everything is falling apart.</em>
</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Do you want to sit down?” she asked.</p><p>Robbe nodded, but before he even made it to a chair, he found himself hysterically crying in Jana arms. There were barely any actual tears, just big ugly sobs followed by grasps for air, like a fish out of water.</p><p>“What happened?” she asked, rubbing his back to calm him down.</p><p>“I feel like I’m losing Sander again,” he sobbed.</p><p>“What? Why? I thought things were going great between you two.”</p><p>“They were. At least I- I thought they were. I don’t know shit anymore. I asked him if he- he wanted to have dinner with my mom because he said he would like to see her but then I told him about, uh, some stuff with my mom and then he was acting weird and- and now he went to his parents and isn’t responding to my calls,” he said, grasping for air after another loud sob. </p><p>Jana’s sweater was soaked on the spot where he had pushed his face against.</p><p>“Shh,” she appeased, holding him tighter.“Just let it all out.”</p><p>That was all he needed to let go. His sobs got louder. Trying to hold them in only made it worse. After a few minutes his breathing calmed down and a bit of tension left his body. </p><p>“Did he start acting weird after you told him about your mom?” Jana asked in a soft voice, trying not to upset him again.</p><p>Robbe tilted his head, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. “Yes but I don’t know if it has anything to do with it.”</p><p>“What did you tell him?”</p><p>Jana’s question seemed sincere, like she really didn’t known what had gone down with Robbe’s parents. He always thought Jens had told her at some point. </p><p>“Hasn’t Jens told you?”</p><p>She shook her head. “No, he said that it wasn’t his story to tell but I kind of figured there was something going on with your parents.”</p><p>“My dad left after my mom’s mental health got worse,” he explained. He didn’t feel like elaborating more. This was the most concise summary he could give for Jana to understand.</p><p>“And that’s what you told Sander?” she asked, understanding that he didn’t want to talk about the situation with his parents.</p><p>“Yeah, he already knew my dad left but when I told him about my mom he got this weird numb look on his face and then he left,” he said, thinking back of the way Sander had looked that morning in the bathroom. He could burst into tears again if he thought about it for too long. </p><p>Jana furrowed her brows. “Maybe it triggered something for him?”</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Maybe he went through something similar with someone in his family. Last year he went home for a few weeks in the middle of the semester and when he came back he was really down. I never asked what was going on but maybe that has something to do with it.”</p><p>Tears welled up in Robbe’s eyes again. He felt sick at the thought of upsetting Sander without realizing it. “But I didn't know that,” he said in a small voice.</p><p>“No of course not! Don’t blame yourself Robbe. I’m sure it will be alright. He can’t stay away forever. He still has to water his big stupid plant,” said Jana in an attempt to make him smile.</p><p>It didn’t work. Thinking about the Ikea trip when they bought that big stupid plant only made him sad. “But he already left once,” he mumbled, staring down at his lap.</p><p>“Listen,” she said, resting her hand on his leg to get his attention. “I will personally drag his ass over here all the way from Liège if I have to.”</p><p>Robbe looked up, giving her a thankful smile. Sometimes he forgot how much he liked Jana. They had fallen out of touch after he moved in with his dad, but he was happy that she was back in his life again.</p><p>“But I don’t think I have to because everyone can see how madly in love he is with you,” she added. “Like it’s annoyingly cute. You will be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>ZONDAG 13:37</strong>
</p><p>His talk with Jana had calmed him down yesterday, but another day had gone by without any sign from Sander. He had tried to call him again last night, without any luck. The distant tone of Sander’s voicemail also didn’t help with his anxiety. He hadn’t dared to call him yet today, afraid that he would seem too intrusive in case it turned out to be nothing but Sander would still be annoyed about the amount of times Robbe had called him. He didn’t want to be the type of person who freaked out every time he didn’t see his boyfriend for a couple of days.</p><p>He was sitting at the dining table with Jana again, the only difference being that Zoë had joined them today. He had told her about what was going on after she had thrown him an irritated look because he had been nervously tapping his pen for fifteen minutes. His focus was even worse than yesterday, but he was still staring at his summaries on the off chance that he would memorize a few things.  </p><p>“Can’t you call him at his parents?” Jana suggested when he glared at his phone for the tenth time in five minutes. “Like on their landline?”</p><p>Robbe shook his head. “I don’t have their number. I don’t even know their address.”</p><p>He tried to imagine what it would be like if he did have their number and would call them for the first time in nine years, saying ‘Hi this is Robbe, is Sander home?’. He never used to call them much because it was more convenient to just ring his doorbell. He only called when the weather was bad and he wasn’t sure if Sander was home or not. Nevertheless, he still knew their old phone number by heart.</p><p>“Doesn’t he have a sister?” said Zoë, snapping him out of his thoughts.</p><p>“Uh yeah, Lize but I don’t have her number either,” he said. </p><p>Jana rolled her eyes. “It’s 2021 Robbe, you don’t need to know her number to get in contact with her,” she said as she grabbed her phone.</p><p>“Here,” she said half a minute later, showing him Lize’s Instagram profile.</p><p>Robbe typed her username into the search bar on his own phone. Her profile was public. He scrolled through her posts to make sure it was really her. He came across a picture of her and Sander on vacation that gave him a sharp pain in his chest. He quickly opened messages.</p><p>“Isn’t it weird that text her about this?” he asked, hovering his fingers above the keyboard. “What do I even say?”</p><p>“That he’s not responding and you just want to know if he’s okay,” said Zoë.</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Lize</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Hey Lize, sorry to reach out to you like this but Sander isn’t returning my calls and I’m a little worried. Is he okay?</p><p>Hey Robbe! </p><p>I haven’t talked to him but I’ll call him and ask him to call you back</p><p>I’m sure he’s fine though</p><p>He isn’t with you?</p><p>No</p><p>Did he say he was?</p><p>Yeah</p><p>Hmm weird</p><p>I'll let you know when I’ve heard from him </p><p>Thanks</p><p>Try not to worry to much!</p><p>He has done this before and we’ve always found him unscathed </p><hr/><p>Robbe felt like throwing up. He had been worried the entire time but had been under the impression that Sander was at his parents. That was the only thing easing his mind, the thought that it couldn’t be really bad because otherwise they would have heard from his parents. Now he didn’t even have that.</p><p>Jana noticed the look on his face. “What? What did she say?”</p><p>“He’s not at this parents. She- she hasn’t heard from him,” said Robbe, still staring at his phone.</p><p>She frowned. “He’s not? Where is he then?”</p><p>“I don’t know Jana!” he snapped, too worried to stay calm. “I don’t fucking know where he is.”</p><p>Jana leaned back, surprised by his sudden outburst.</p><p>“Sorry,” Robbe mumbled, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t think straight.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” she said, patting him on the back.</p><p>He felt helpless. He couldn’t believe he had been sitting here studying for his stupid exams while Sander was missing. He had to do something. He couldn’t just wait here for him to come back. Where could Sander be if he wasn’t at his parents? He wasn’t at Adi’s because Adi wouldn’t have lied to him about that. But Adi was Sander’s best friend. If he wasn’t there, than where? Robbe felt a panic attack creeping up on him at the thought of Sander wandering the streets in the cold. He abruptly closed his laptop and got up.</p><p>“Where are you going?” Zoë asked.</p><p>“Looking for him,” said Robbe, raising his hands in desperation. “I can’t just sit here waiting for him to come back.”</p><p>“Looking for him where?”</p><p>He shrugged. “I don’t know. At the academy. Everywhere I can think of.”</p><p>“And bike through Antwerp for hours? It’s freezing outside,” said Zoë.</p><p>“You think I don’t know that? What else can I do?”</p><p>“I’ll ask Senne to drive us,” said Zoë, closing her books and standing up. “Can you stay here in case he comes back?” she asked Jana.</p><p>Jana nodded. “Of course.”</p><p>Zoë and Senne came walking down the stairs a little while later. Robbe followed them to Senne’s car, which was parked down the street. He automatically sat in the back because that was his spot when his parents were still together. He hadn’t been in a car much ever since, always getting around by bike or taking public transport. He felt like a kid again, sitting on the backseat like that with Zoë and Senne in the front. </p><p>“Whereto?” Senne asked, looking at him through the rear view mirror.</p><p>“The academy.”</p><p>They arrived at the academy ten minutes later. Robbe had looked out the car window the entire ride, his heart skipping a beat every time he saw someone with white hair. Nine out of ten times it was an elderly person with white grey hair. None of them were Sander. It made Robbe realize how big Antwerp actually was. Sander could be everywhere.</p><p>Zoë and Senne waited in the car while Robbe went into the academy so they wouldn’t draw too much attention. The academy was deserted because it was Sunday. There were only a few students working on projects in the classrooms. Robbe had been afraid that they would send him away because he wasn’t supposed to be there but nobody seemed to care.</p><p>He searched every corner of the building, up until the art studio’s on the top floor. A few weeks ago Sander had suggested to have their next make out sessions there, and now Robbe was standing in the art studio’s all by himself, looking for Sander. After he made another round through the building to make sure he didn’t miss anything and Sander really wasn’t there, he walked back to Senne’s car, shoulders hanging low.</p><p>Zoë en Senne were leaning against the car, looking at him with questioning eyes. “And?”</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Has his sister heard from him yet?” Zoë asked.</p><p>Robbe had muted his phone because otherwise he would be constantly aware of the fact that Sander still hadn’t called him back. He also hadn’t dared to look at his phone when he was alone in the academy, afraid that Lize would have upsetting news and there wouldn’t be anybody nearby to comfort him. He wasn't looking for another panic attack in public. But Zoë and Senne were here now, so he took a deep breath and unlocked his phone. There were two new messages from Lize.</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Lize</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Okay I’ve talked to him but he doesn’t want to say where he is😑</p><p>He sounded alright, just a little dramatic</p><p>Thank god</p><p>Let me know when he turns up</p><p>I will</p><hr/><p>Robbe exhaled like he had been holding his breath for three days straight. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this relieved. Sander was okay. Something was still wrong but Sander had talked to Lize and hadn’t sounded like he was in a life threatening situation. That was something, at least.</p><p>“Uh, she talked to him. He doesn’t want to tell her where he is but he sounded alright,” he said, looking up from his phone.</p><p>“That’s good news right?” said Zoë. “At least he’s responding to her calls.”</p><p>Robbe nodded.</p><p>“Let’s just keep looking then,” Senne suggested. “Where else can he be?”</p><p>Robbe took a moment to think and came to the conclusion that he didn’t know. The academy was the only place he could think of and he just turned that place upside down. Did he really know that little about Sander? </p><p>“I don’t know,” he said, on the verge of tears again.</p><p>“Didn’t you used to live in Berchem?” said Senne.</p><p>Robbe’s head snapped up.</p><p>
  <em>The hut.</em>
</p><p>“Okay, let’s go!” said Senne, clapping his hands together and getting behind the wheel again.</p><p>As they were driving to Berchem, Robbe wondered why he hadn’t thought of that place sooner. All this crap had started in their hut. Maybe Sander had left him a letter again. Robbe was going to make sure that he found it this time before Sander got a chance to leave him again.</p><p>Senne parked his car in front of Robbe’s childhood home. He hadn’t been there in over a year. Not since his mom got hospitalized and he had to move in with his dad. He heard that a young family had moved in. The house didn’t look that different from the last time he saw it, the only difference being that their brown front door was painted white and there were different curtains hanging in the windows. Two children’s bikes were parked against the wall.</p><p>Robbe walked into the fire lane behind the house, followed by Zoë and Senne. He hoped that the new residents hadn’t replaced the gate to his old garden or put a lock on it, otherwise Robbe wouldn’t be able to reach the hut. But Sander wouldn’t have been there either if that was the case. Although, Sander was the type of person who probably wouldn’t be stopped by a locked gate and would have just climbed over it. Luckily Senne and Zoë were there to give him a hand. And provide a getaway car in case the new residents decided to call the police. He couldn’t believe he was about to break in to someones garden.</p><p>When they arrived at the garden, he discovered that the gate was still the same. Thank god. Robbe pushed against it. The garden was the same as how he remembered it, the hut still standing behind the bushes.</p><p>“Uh, can you guys maybe stay here while I go look?” said Robbe, pointing at the hut. The last time he let someone else in their hut it didn’t end well.  </p><p>“Sure,” said Zoë.</p><p>He carefully walked into the garden, looking at the house. It seemed like nobody was home. He opened the rickety door of their hut. He had to bend over to fit through it. The hut also looked the same, except for some new toys shoved in the corner. Everything else was still there, including the treasure chest.</p><p>Robbe scanned the hut for a sign that Sander had been there. Nothing. He opened the treasure chest. Apart from some toys, there was nothing out of the ordinary in there. No new letter like he had been hoping for. He had to write one himself then. He put his hands in the pockets of his coat, only finding a napkin. Maybe Zoë or Senne had a pen. He walked over to them.</p><p>“Do you have a pen?”</p><p>They frowned but didn’t ask any questions. Zoë rummaged in her bag. “Here,” she said, handing him a pen. </p><p>He walked back to the hut, quickly scribbled something on the napkin and put it in the treasure chest.</p><hr/><p>Sander,</p><p>If you read this please let me know you’re okay. I’m sorry if I did something that upset you. I know I should have told you about my mom. Please talk to me so we can figure it out together. I want to understand.</p><p>Ik zie u graag.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 11:03</strong>
</p><p>After surviving his first exam of the week, Robbe was walking over the campus with Aaron. The exam didn’t go as awful as he had expected. He had still been able to answer most of the questions and written down a bunch of bullshit on the questions he didn’t know in the hope he would get at least a couple of points for it. All he could do now was hope for the best.</p><p>He had told Aaron that he didn’t want to talk about the exam, so Aaron was now telling him a very detailed story of his night out with Moyo on Saturday. Robbe wasn’t really listening but Aaron didn’t seem to notice, babbling on like Robbe was eating up his every word.</p><p>“So we got to the party early and there were already like fifty people but the music was really loud so Moyo and I went to the balcony to have a smoke. And we just stood there chatting to some people and then the music suddenly stopped so we went back inside to see what was going on. And guess what?” </p><p>“What?” said Robbe, not realizing that he gave exactly the right answer. How could he be paying attention to a stupid story like that when it had been 87 hours since he had last heard from Sander? </p><p>“Everyone was gone,” Aaron continued. “The whole party had left. And we heard these voices in the living room so Moyo wanted to go look but then I had this big brain moment because what if it’s the police, you know? We had a whole stash on us. So we listened at the door and it really was the police talking to the guy who lived there. Like what are the odds of us bringing weed to a party once and the cops immediately turning up?”</p><p>Robbe was paying just enough attention to notice that Aaron had stopped talking. “Hm?”</p><p>Aaron furrowed his brows at him for a second before continuing his story. “But the problem was that we couldn’t walk out the door because then we had to cross the living room. So we went back to the balcony and there was this low fence that separated it from their neighbor’s balcony and Moyo climbed over it and I was like ‘Hello you’re not going to leave me behind’ so I climbed over it as well and we stood there on their balcony waiting for the cops to leave. But then the lights went on in the apartment and this lady was staring at us but we couldn’t go back because we would run into the police!”</p><p>Robbe’s phone buzzed. He grabbed it out of his back pocket and looked at the screen. There it was, the notification he had waited 87 hours for. A text from Sander. Finally. </p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Sander</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Hey Robbe, sorry for not calling you back. I was in Berchem the other day. It’s weird how nothing has really changed around there. Except that everything has changed. The world isn’t simple and carefree anymore. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re not going to work, you and I. We can’t figure it out together because that wouldn’t be fair to you. I’m sorry for being a dick and leading you on. I hope you can forgive me one day.</p><hr/><p>Reading Sander’s text was like a rollercoaster. When he saw Sander’s name on his screen he had been so relieved he could cry. But the relieved feeling had disappeared as soon as he had read the first two words. He knew what Sander was going to say based on those two words, ‘Hey Robbe’. It felt like a slap in the face. His heart sank to his stomach when he read the rest of the text. It made him angry. Did Sander really think he could end things like this, over text? And why? What kind of bullshit was this? Robbe had spend enough time with him and been through too many misunderstandings to know that this wasn’t what Sander really wanted. Sander had called him his soulmate. You didn’t break up with your soulmate over text. There was more going on. There had to be.</p><p>One of the last sentences of Sander’s text kept echoing through his head. ‘We can’t figure it out together because that wouldn’t be fair to you’. The sentence seemed a bit out of place, like Sander was referring to a conversation they had. The memory of a napkin flashed through his head.</p><p>
  <em>Figure it out together.</em>
</p><p>Those were his own words. Those were the words Robbe had written down on the napkin. Sander had read his note. Sander had been in the hut. His mind was working like lightning speed. He had put the note in the treasure chest yesterday afternoon. It got dark around four thirty these days so the chance was small that Sander had been there yesterday, which meant he had just been there or was still there.</p><p>“I have to go,” Robbe said abruptly, putting his phone away and quickly closing his coat. </p><p>“But I didn’t finish my sto-“</p><p>Robbe had already sprinted away before Aaron could finish his sentence. Robbe got on his bike, thankful that the lock had opened up smoothly for once. He crossed around town. His legs stiffening from how hard he was pedalling but he didn’t care. It was worth it if it meant that he wouldn’t miss Sander.</p><p>Barely ten minutes later he arrived in his old street for the second time in 24 hours. He threw his bike against a lamp post and ran into the fire lane, out of breath from how fast he had biked. He opened the gate of the garden and immediately noticed a figure sitting in the hut through the cracks of the wood. He came closer.</p><p>“Sander?”</p><p>The figure froze and didn’t respond.</p><p>“I can see you. Stop hiding.”</p><p>“Go away,” said Sander in a hoarse voice like he hadn’t spoken a word all day.</p><p>Anger build up inside Robbe. Why was Sander acting like this? Why was he pushing him away again? He thought they were past this. He didn’t sit through Zoë’s lecture to let it fail like this. Sander had misjudged him if he thought that he could drive Robbe away this easily.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Robbe replied, trying to open the door. Sander had blocked it with a plank. “This is my hut as well. Let me in.”</p><p>Sander didn’t move, only pulling up his hoodie over his head. </p><p>“Open the fucking door!” he yelled, bouncing on the thin wood. He was capable of kicking the door down if Sander didn’t open it soon, which wasn’t very hard because they hadn’t exactly build the strongest construction and the wood looked like it had been rotting for a while.</p><p>“Robbe, just go okay? I’m serious.”</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere before you tell me what the fuck that text was about,” he said, leaning forward to get a glimpse of Sander through the cracks in the wood.</p><p>Robbe sat down next to the hut, folding his arms. He wasn’t planning on leaving before he got an answer from Sander. Even if it would take hours.</p><p>It didn’t take hours. After a couple of minutes Sander got up, took the plank away and sat back down. Robbe got up and walked into the hut.</p><p>Sander was sitting on a crate in the corner, hood pulled up over his head so Robbe couldn’t see his face.</p><p>“Well? Did you really think you could send me something like that and I would just accept that?”</p><p>“I’m not good for you,” Sander muttered, barely audible. He kept staring at the ground.</p><p>“Not good for me?” Robbe scoffed. “What kind of bullshit is that? Why would you not be good for me?”</p><p>Sander mumbled something again, so softly this time that Robbe really couldn’t understand what he was saying.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Because I’m bipolar Robbe!” Sander yelled, standing up so abruptly that he knocked over the crate. His eyes were bloodshot like he had been crying for hours. His bleached hair was lying flat on his head.</p><p>Robbe had never seen him look this vulnerable. He immediately regretted yelling at him. He was so taken aback by the way Sander looked, that his words only now got through to him. Bipolar. All the puzzle pieces fell into place; Sander’s reaction when Robbe told him about his mom, him mentioning seeing a psychologist, him being afraid that he had changed too much for Robbe to want to be friends with him again. It all made sense now. Apparently Sander had been so scared to tell him because he thought Robbe wouldn’t want him anymore if he knew. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>He needed to make sure Sander would believe he wanted to be with him as soon as possible, so he said the first best thing that came to mind. </p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So?” Sander repeated with a confused look on his face. “It’s not like I have ADHD, Robbe. I will have episodes again. They can get really dark. I don’t want you to go through something like that again. You’ve been through enough.”</p><p>“Don’t I have a say in that as well?” he said, sitting down on the treasure chest. He hoped it was strong enough to hold his weight because this wasn’t a good moment for him to awkwardly fall through it. Sander didn’t look like he was able to laugh about something like that.</p><p>“Robbe, you don’t understand,” said Sander, a desperate look in his eyes. “It’s not like I will be sad for a week and then everything will be fine again. I can get really fucked up. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”</p><p>“You don’t think I can handle that?”</p><p>Sander frowned like hadn’t expected Robbe to argue with him. “No, but that’s not the point. You would have to take care of me. I don’t want that.”</p><p>“Why not?” Robbe asked. He wanted to grab Sander’s hand but Sander didn’t look like he wanted to be touched. “I want to take care of you, just like you take care of me. I’ve never felt more save then when I’m with you and that doesn’t change because of something like this. We will take care of each other, okay?”</p><p>“It’s not the same,” Sander argued, fumbling with the silver ring on his finger.</p><p>“No, you’re right,” Robbe agreed. “It isn’t. Everyone has different problems and some have it tougher than others. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to let people help you. You shouldn’t have to deal with it on your own. You didn’t ask to have bipolar.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure that’s not grammatically correct,” Sander mumbled.</p><p>“Well, it should be. Being bipolar is a part of you, it’s not your whole personality.”</p><p>Sander stared at him, a tear rolling down his cheek. “But I will burden you.”</p><p>“Sander, listen to me,” Robbe said, daring to grab his hand this time. “You will never be a burden to me. No matter how tough it will get. We will figure it out, I promise. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”</p><p>Sander stared at him with big teary eyes before flying into his arms and burying his face in Robbe’s coat, clinging onto him like he was afraid Robbe would run away. His whole body was shaking. Robbe held him as tightly as possible, one hand around his shoulders and the other against his head.</p><p>“I’m here, I’m here,” he whispered in an attempt to calm Sander down. </p><p>It only seemed to make him cry harder so Robbe kept his mouth shut and slowly rocked him back and forth. After a while the sobs got quieter, until they stopped completely. Sander’s grip around his waist loosened, but he kept his face buried in Robbe’s coat.</p><p>All of a sudden there was a crackling sound. Robbe felt the treasure chest wiggle under him. Before he got a chance to warn Sander and stand up, the chest tumbled down like a house of cards. Suddenly Robbe was sitting on the ground instead of on the chest, Sander still safely wrapped in his arms.</p><p>Sander tilted his head, blinking at him with a surprised look on his face, not quite understanding what had happened yet.“Did we just...?”</p><p>“Break our treasure chest?” said Robbe. “I think we did.”</p><p>It was almost symbolic, them falling through the object that played such a crucial role in their relationship. It had broken them, but when it had brought them together again, they broke it.</p><p>“Wow, things have come full circle,” said Sander, apparently having the same thought as Robbe. He shuffled over so that he wasn’t resting his weight on Robbe’s lap anymore. He looked like he had calmed down.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Robbe asked, wiping some hair out of Sander’s eyes. His dark roots were getting more visible.</p><p>“I was waiting for you to ask. I thought you didn’t want to know,” Sander shrugged, fumbling with a piece of broken wood from the treasure chest.</p><p>“Fuck, I was waiting for you to tell me.”</p><p>“We’re a mess,” said Sander, making a sound that was a mixture of a sob and a chuckle.</p><p>Robbe grabbed both his hands and squeezed them. “From now on I’m just going to dump my entire thought process on you so we don’t get any misunderstandings again, okay?”</p><p>Sander tilted his head, giving him a small smile. “Okay.”</p><p>“For example, right now I’m having an internal argument about whether or not I can ask you a question because I don’t know if you want to talk about it,” he said, carefully eying Sander’s reaction.</p><p>“You can ask,” Sander assured him, wiping his face dry.</p><p>“When did you find out?”</p><p>“When I was fourteen,” he said. “I got my first depressive episode after we moved but the doctor thought it was regular depression. But then I got manic so they figured out I was bipolar. I’ve been on medication ever since but it took a long time to find the right dosage. The last couple of years have been pretty stable, though. I still have episodes once in a while but they aren’t as bad anymore.”</p><p>Robbe rubbed his thumb over the back of Sander’s hand, just like he had done to him when he was having a panic attack. “I wish l could have been there for you.” </p><p>“I’m not fun to be around when I’m like that,” said Sander, fumbling with the silver ring on his finger again.</p><p>“You don’t have to always be fun to be around. I want all of you, not just the fun parts. It breaks my heart that I made you think you had to hide those parts from me. I’m sorry,” he said, tears finally filling his eyes. He had been holding them in because he wanted to be strong for Sander but he couldn’t hold them in any longer.</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t know. I should have told you,” said Sander, giving him an apologetic smile.</p><p>Robbe wiped the tears from his eyes before they got the chance to spill over. “You know what? We’re going to make a deal. To tell each other what’s on our mind. Not everything because then I would just be rambling all day but as much as possible. Okay?”</p><p>Sander nodded.</p><p>Robbe spat into his hand and raised it out to Sander. Sander stared at it, not making a move.</p><p>“What?” said Robbe, raising his eyebrows. “Are you suddenly disgusted by my spit?”</p><p>Sander grinned, spit in his own hand and shook it.</p><p>“Who are you?” said a childlike voice.</p><p>Robbe turned around. A little boy in a big winter coat, not older than six, was standing in front of the hut. He was looking at them with furrowed brows, cheeks red from the cold.</p><p>“This is my hut,” said the boy. “You’re not allowed to be here.”</p><p>Robbe stood up. “Listen little guy, you may have a point about that we’re not allowed to be here but we build this thing with our bare hands so you can’t just take all the credit for-“</p><p>“You broke my treasure chest!” the boy yelled, noticing the broken pieces of wood on the ground.</p><p>Sander stood up as well, wiping the wood splitsers from his pants and joining in on the discussion. “Uh excuse me, that was our treasure chest first. You should be happy that we left it behind for y-“</p><p>Before Sander was able to finish his sentence, the boy started screaming for his mother at the top of his lungs.</p><p>Robbe en Sander startled and stared at each other for a second before getting into action. Robbe swung open the door, pulling Sander out of the hut with him. When they set foot in the garden, the back door of the house opened. They sprinted into the fire lane without looking back, a woman’s voice yelling in the distance. They arrived at Robbe’s bike.</p><p>“Do you have your bike?” Robbe asked, hands resting on his knees to catch his breath.</p><p>“No, I walked here,” said Sander. “I stayed at my aunt’s place,” he added when he noticed Robbe’s confused look.</p><p>“The one with the night light?”</p><p>Sander grinned. “That one.”</p><p>Of course. The aunt where Lize stayed at when she came to visit Antwerp a couple of weeks ago. Why didn’t he think of her? Sander had family living here.</p><p>He looked at his bike. His cargo rack was strong enough to carry Sander’s weight but he didn’t know if Sander felt like sitting on the back all through Antwerp.</p><p>“We can also take the tram,” Robbe offered. “I can pick my bike up later.”</p><p>Sander shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” </p><p>Robbe unlocked his bike and sat down on the saddle, waiting for Sander to take a seat. Sander swung his leg over the cargo rack, sitting down as well.</p><p>“Ready?”</p><p>Sander grabbed him by the waist for support. “Yes.”</p><p>Robbe took a running start and sat down on the saddle again. The first part was a bit wobbly because he was finding his balance, but after a few meters they were both sitting steadily. When they got around the corner, Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe’s waist and rested his head against his back. Robbe put his hand on Sander’s but quickly grabbed the handlebar again. He wasn’t going to fall with Sander on the back. When they were little, he used to sit on the back of Sander’s bike occasionally. At first he had been too scared but Sander had promised to never let him fall, so Robbe would keep that promise as well.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 19:18</strong>
</p><p>On Thursday, Robbe and Sander went out for kebab together. They had been studying inside all day and wanted to stretch their legs for a bit. When they were on their way back, it started pouring. They ran home, kebab’s wrapped under their coat’s.</p><p>When they finally made it inside ten minutes later, they were frozen to the bone, their soaked clothes uncomfortably sticking to their bodies. They walked upstairs to the bathroom and started pulling off their drenched clothes. Sander turned on the shower and got under the hot stream. Robbe shivered, second-guessing if he should join him or wait until he was finished. Sander had been a little quiet since Robbe had found him yesterday, observing him like he was waiting for the moment Robbe would change his mind and decide to end things after all.</p><p>“Come! You’re shaking,” Sander beckoned him, putting an end to Robbe’s hesitating.</p><p>Robbe took off his t-shirt and boxers with trembling hands and got into the shower. Sander stepped aside so Robbe could get under the hot stream entirely. It wasn’t enough. His teeth were still chattering.</p><p>Sander wrapped his arms around him to give him some extra body heat. Robbe pushed himself against Sander’s chest and rested his head on his shoulder, thankful that Sander always felt like a human heater. After a few minutes, his muscles began to relax and the shivering stopped. He let go of Sander and turned around to grab the shampoo.</p><p>He started massaging the shampoo into his hair while Sander looked at him with big green eyes. He still looked a little insecure.</p><p>“Can I wash your hair?” he asked while rinsing the shampoo out of his hair.</p><p>Sander furrowed his brows. “I can do it myself,” he said, a bit confused by Robbe’s offer. </p><p>“I know,” Robbe smiled. “I would just like to wash your hair. Can I?”</p><p>“Uh, sure.”</p><p>Robbe grabbed the shampoo bottle again.</p><p>“I need to use that one,” said Sander, pointing at a fancy looking bottle with a picture of a bleached blonde woman on it. “Zoë says that my hair turns yellow if I don’t use it.”</p><p>Robbe grabbed the fancy bottle and raised his eyebrows when a dark purple liquid came out of it. “And you’re sure this doesn’t make it purple?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sander grinned, before turning around so Robbe could reach his hair better.</p><p>Robbe began massaging the shampoo into Sander’s hair, watching the purple liquid turn into white foam. Goosebumps appearing on Sander’s neck but he didn’t say anything, which probably meant that he was enjoying the feeling so Robbe continued massaging his scalp a little longer than necessary. Then he grabbed the shower head and carefully started rinsing out the shampoo, making sure he wouldn't get anything in Sander’s eyes.</p><p>“Done,” he said, planting a kiss on his shoulder.</p><p>Sander turned around, blinking a couple of times with a stunned look on his face. His eyes were red.</p><p>“Shit, did I get it in your eyes?” </p><p>“No I, uh- I think it’s feelings,” said Sander, letting out an awkward chuckle.</p><p>Robbe furrowed his brows. “What?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I got kind of emotional all of a sudden.”</p><p>“Fuck. I’m sorry,” said Robbe, a guilty feeling filling his stomach. Sander had only just opened up to him and he was already making him cry again.</p><p>“No, no! Good emotional. It just made me feel a lot. They’re happy tears,” Sander assured him, rubbing his eyes with a crooked smile.</p><p>Robbe stared at him with a stunned look on his face. “Because I washed your hair?”</p><p>Sander nodded, smiling softly and leaning forward to give him a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 17:15</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Sander</strong>
  </span>
</p><p>Baby</p><p>What is this?😂</p><p>
  
</p><p>WHERE DID YOU GET THAT</p><p>It was lying next to the trash</p><p>You weren’t supposed to see that</p><p>Look away</p><p>I’m so embarrassed </p><p>Don’t be embarrassed </p><p>It’s adorable </p><p>Can I hang it above my bed?</p><p>No</p><p>Please?</p><p>No</p><p>Can I keep it?</p><p>Ugh fine</p><p>But i’ll murder you if you ever show it to anyone</p><p>🤐🔒🥰</p><hr/><p>Robbe had a short shift at the library today. He had taken the rest of the days off from work because of his exams. He was reading a printed summary of his course because there wasn’t anyone coming up to his desk, all students being too busy with studying themselves to ask for his help with something.</p><p>He was answering some work emails when he noticed a bleach blond figure in the corner of his eye. Sander walked up to his desk with a big smile on his face. He had brightened up since their shower yesterday. They had watched Dead Poets Society afterwards on Robbe’s bed. Sander had curled up against his chest, babbling commentary for two hours straight. When the movie was finished, Sander had fallen asleep in the same position.</p><p>“Hey cutie,” said Sander, resting his arms on the desk. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” he said with a surprised smile on his face. “I thought you needed to finish that assignment?”</p><p>“I did, I finished early,” said Sander, bouncing on his feet. He was covered in orange powder, which had probably something to do with the assignment he had been working on. Robbe was used to it by now. Sander always came back from the academy covered in paint.</p><p>Robbe wiped away some orange powder from his forehead. “You didn’t have to bike all this way. I would have been home in half an hour.”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “I just wanted to see you,” he pouted.</p><p>Robbe felt like his heart would explode. He was so in love with him. He couldn’t believe someone would take a detour just to see him half an hour earlier. No one had ever made him feel that special. He leaned over the desk to give him a kiss.</p><p>Sander smiled against his lips, but let go when he spotted someone over Robbe’s shoulder. “Yasmina!”</p><p>Robbe let out a relieved sigh. He was afraid Jesse had turned up, even though it was his day off, and they would have an intense confrontation in the middle of the library. Luckily that wasn’t the case.</p><p>Yasmina walked up to them, frowning when she spotted the orange stains on Sander’s clothes. “Did you fall into a bag of Cheetos?” </p><p>“No, we had to experiment with new materials,” he explained, self-consciously running a hand through his hair. “But hey, I heard it’s your mom’s birthday soon!”</p><p>Yasmina narrowed her eyes. “It is.”</p><p>“Can I come?”</p><p>“No,” she said, folding her arms.</p><p>Sander raised his eyebrows, taking aback by the certainty of her answer. “Why not?”</p><p>“Because you can’t just occupy the buffet for hours. You know how many aunts and uncles came up to me last time asking who that weird guy was that kept staring the food out of their hands?” </p><p>“But it’s so good,” Sander whined. “Please? I’ll bring an even better gift than last time.”</p><p>“Fine,” Yasmina sighed. “As long as you bring Robbe. I don’t trust you on your own. And I don’t want to see you hanging around the buffet all evening.”</p><p>“I promise,” said Sander, putting his hand on his chest.</p><p>Yasmina rolled her eyes, grabbed a pile of files that were lying next to the computer and walked back to the office.</p><p>Robbe shook his head. “You’re weird,” he laughed.</p><p>Sander leaned back, acting offended. “Why? Because I appreciate good food?”</p><p>“No, because you keep attending birthdays of everyone’s mom’s. What’s up with you and people’s mom’s?”</p><p>“Well, for starters, Amber’s mom is my aunt. You’re making it sound like I have a thing for mom’s,” he said, giving Robbe a playful shove. </p><p>Robbe raised his hands, like that was indeed a possibility.</p><p>Sander’s face turned serious. “Speaking of moms, am I still welcome at yours?” </p><p>“Very much,” he reassured him. “You have to try a lot harder for her to stop liking you. I think she’s already making room for you on the picture wall.”</p><p>Sander seemed relieved to hear that, giving him a small smile. He would soon realize he had nothing to worry about when they would visit Robbe’s mom. Robbe was pretty sure his mom would welcome him with open arms. She had always been a big fan of Sander. When they were little, Robbe would get downstairs in the weekend after sleeping in, to find Sander and his mom chatting at the kitchen table. The only thing he should probably worry about, was that his mom would start liking Sander more than him.</p><p>Yasmina came back from the office. “You can go home if you want,” she said.</p><p>Robbe looked at his watch. “But it’s not five thirty yet.”</p><p>“I can manage. It’s not like you’re of any use when he’s around,” she said, nodding at Sander.</p><p>“I owe you,” he said, giving her a thankful smile. This was one of the reasons why he liked Yasmina so much. She might seem tough but her actions were always soft. </p><p>She smiled back. “Good luck with your last exams!”</p><p>“Thanks!”</p><p>“See you next weekend then,” Sander grinned at her.</p><p>“Better get out of here before I change my mind,” she said, waving him off.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 19:37</strong>
</p><p>Robbe stormed into Sander's room, letting out a frustrated groan. He was fed up with the world. Today's exam was fucking difficult, even though he studied his ass off, he had missed the tram on the way home and when he decided to treat himself to a coffee, it turned out to be disgusting. It was one of those days where everything went wrong. </p><p>He walked over to Sander's bed, threw the covers over his head and rolled himself up like a ball. He wished he could just disappear for a week and do absolutely nothing. </p><p>“It didn’t go well?” Sander asked, looking up from his sketchbook.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he grunted, voice muffled by the duvet. “Who the fuck came up with multiple choice exams? Like let me just write down what I know instead of making me choose between identical options. What kind of bullshit is that?”</p><p>“I’m sure it will be fine. You studied so hard,” said Sander, trying to cheer him up.</p><p>“You don’t know that. Maybe I chose all the wrong answers. It’s not normal to answer half of the questions with option C right? That’s way too much.”</p><p>“Do you need me to kiss it away?” Sander offered.</p><p>Actually, that didn't sound so bad. Maybe that was an even better option than disappear into a hole for a week. Robbe shuffled to the edge of the bed, poked his head out from under the covers and nodded. </p><p>Sander laughed. He walked over to the bed and pulled the the covers off. Robbe rolled on his back. Sander straddled his legs and leaned down to kiss him. </p><p>The kiss was too sweet for Robbe's liking. He impatiently licked Sander's upper lip to ask for access. Sander opened his mouth. He tasted like coffee. Robbe let go of Sander's hair and grabbed him by his hips, pushing him down into his lap. Sander immediately took the hint, slowly grinding down against him. A strangled moan escaped Robbe's lips. Ever since he had been with Sander, he was making all these noises he never heard coming out of his mouth before. He raised his hips up to get more friction. It wasn't enough. He wanted more. Always more, more, more. Sander lifted himself up and sat down next to him on the bed. He started to fumble with Robbe's belt. Robbe grabbed his hand. </p><p>Sander leaned back to look at him. “You don’t want to?”</p><p>“No, I do but, uh-“</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Do you think we could, uh-“ Robbe started before falling quiet mid sentence again. He didn't know how to ask for it. He wondered if it was weird to suggest it now, so soon after their dramatic weekend and in the middle of his midterms. </p><p>“Robbe, you can tell me. We shook hands on it,” said Sander, reminding him of their deal to share what was on their minds. He was right.</p><p>“Could we maybe try doing it?”</p><p>Sander frowned, not understanding what Robbe was getting at. “Doing what?”</p><p>“<em>It.</em>”</p><p>Sander’s eyes went wide. “Oh.”</p><p>“We don’t have to! I mean, I totally understand if you’re not feeling like it or you think we’re going too fast because like it is a big step and I know that and at first I thought we should wait for at least, I don’t know, three months or something? But I don’t think I want to wait because I feel so good when I’m with you so why not do it now, you know? Unless you don’t want to, of course. You have as much of a say in it as I have. I mean, it takes two people to, uh, yeah,” said Robbe, realizing it was probably best to stop talking.</p><p>Sander was looking at him with raised eyebrows, a suppressed grin on his lips. “Are you done?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said, a blush appearing on his face. They hadn’t even started yet and he was already embarrassing himself. Great.</p><p>“Okay good cause I would love to have sex with you,” said Sander, his grin turning into a bright smile.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Hundred percent,” he reassured him, cupping Robbe’s cheeks and leaning down to kiss him.</p><p>“You need to tell me what to do though,” said Robbe, interrupting their kiss.</p><p>“Of course,” said Sander. “How do you want it?”</p><p>“Uh, what do you mean?”</p><p>“Do you want me to be on top?” Sander elaborated, tucking a curl behind Robbe’s ears.</p><p>“As in position or who will be the one doing the fucking?”</p><p>Sander chuckled at his choice of words. “Both, but mainly the latter.”</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know. What do you prefer?” he asked.</p><p>“I don’t have a preference. You might have noticed by now,” Sander grinned.</p><p>Robbe thought for a second. Whenever he had thought about their first time, he had always imagined Sander would take the lead, since he was the one with the experience and all. He never considered doing it the other way around. He tried to imagine himself topping, but didn't have the confidence yet to do it, too afraid he would hurt Sander. </p><p>“I think I want to bottom,” he said.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>Robbe nodded. “Yeah.”</p><p>“One sec,” said Sander, jumping up and coming back with lube and a condom before Robbe even had the chance to blink his eyes. He sat back down on the bed. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable or it hurts or you just want to stop, okay?”</p><p>Robbe nodded. He had never trusted anyone as much as he trusted Sander. </p><p>Sander was gentle and patient and caring, asking him if it was okay with every step they took and distracting him with kisses when it got intense. Robbe never really had any expectations about his first time because he thought that way it would only disappoint, but it was better than he could have ever imagined. Not that it felt amazing from the start, because having a dick up your ass for the first time wasn't exactly the most normal feeling, but because Sander was so sweet. He never felt closer to anyone than he felt to him right then.</p><p>Sander was so sweet that it got too much. They had been lying next to each other for a couple of minutes, catching their breath, when suddenly tears were rolling down Robbe's cheeks. </p><p>“Robbe?” said Sander with an alarmed voice, leaning up on his elbow. “Why are you crying? I thought you said it didn’t hurt?”</p><p>“It didn’t,” Robbe assured him. “They’re happy tears,” he smiled, reciting Sander’s words from their shower session on Tuesday.</p><p>Sander let out a relieved sigh, collapsing on his chest. “Oh thank god.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 22:51</strong>
</p><p>When Senne had suggested throwing a house party, Robbe thought he meant something like last time, with thirty people and enough drinks for everyone. That was not what was currently going down in their house. Every corner of the house was filled with people. They were everywhere, in the living room, kitchen, hallway, bathroom, on the stairs and in every bedroom that wasn't locked. He even heard people walking on the roof. The whole house seemed to be vibrating even though the music wasn't that loud. </p><p>Robbe was standing in the living room, surrounded by people he didn't know. He hadn't seen Sander in a while and his other roommates were also nowhere to be found, so now he was dancing with a bunch of strangers. A guy with a sparkly purple shirt and face covered in glitter was doing slut drops on their dining table like there was no tomorrow. He seemed familiar but Robbe was too bad at recognizing faces to figure out where he knew him from. </p><p>As if the guy noticed his gaze, he jumped off the table and walked up to him. “So you’re happy with the pants?” he said, pointing at Robbe’s pants that Sander had bought him.</p><p>“Hey, you’re the guy from Weekday!” said Robbe, finally able to place him.</p><p>The guy raised out his hand. “Milan, Weekday employee by day, uninvited guest at house parties by night.”</p><p>He laughed, shaking Milan’s hand. “Robbe.”</p><p>“Good to see you again Robbe,” Milan smiled. “Oh no wait, this time I actually got invited, though!” he said, nodding at someone behind Robbe’s back.</p><p>Robbe turned around and followed his gaze. He only saw Senne, who was chugging down a pint of beer surrounded by a couple of guys cheering him on. </p><p>“Senne?” he said, already expecting he guessed wrong because Milan didn’t seem the type of person Senne was friends with.</p><p>“Yes! We had a course together last year,” said Milan to his surprise. "You know him?”</p><p>“Uh yeah, he’s my roommate,” Robbe explained.</p><p>“Oh my god you live here?” Milan yelled. “Please tell me you have a second bathroom. Someone has been occupying the one in the hallway for over an hour and judging by the noises coming out of it, I rather not step inside.”</p><p>“Upstairs, second door to the left,” said Robbe.</p><p>Milan padded him on the shoulder, giving him a thankful smile. “You’re an angel,” he said before heading upstairs.</p><p>Robbe stayed behind with the dancing strangers. He wriggled his way through the crowd to the kitchen for another drink. If there was anything left, that was, because they had been out of beer for over an hour. The kitchen was a mess. There were almost as many people as in the living room. Two girls were dancing on their wonky kitchen table. The sink seemed to be used as a punch bowl. Robbe didn't know who came up with that idea, but it certainly wasn't someone who knew what kind of filth it usually contained. Sander was standing next to the sink, leaning against the counter with an amused smile on his face.</p><p>Robbe's heart skipped a beat. Sander looked unfairly hot in his plain white shirt. He walked up to him and wrapped his arms around his waist, planting a big kiss on his lips. “Where have you been? I missed you.”</p><p>“I was right here,” Sander laughed, surprised by how affectionate Robbe was being in public.</p><p>Robbe crashed his mouth against Sander’s, immediately deepening the kiss. Sander didn't object, pulling him closer at his hips. Robbe's head was spinning with desire. His jeans were already getting uncomfortably tight. He put his hands under Sander's shirt to feel his warm skin against his fingertips, letting his hands travel upwards to flick at Sander's nipples, accidentally pulling Sander's shirt up. </p><p>“Ho ho ho, what are you up to?” said Sander, pulling down his shirt.</p><p>Robbe let go of his chest and started leaving open mouthed kisses on his jaw. “I want to do it again. Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered into his ear.</p><p>“Baby, there’s nothing I would like more but there are people upstairs. The walls aren’t exactly noise cancelling,” said Sander, scrunching his nose.</p><p>“I don't care,” said Robbe, sucking at his earlobe to get his point across.</p><p>Sander's pupils went wide, an excited shiver going through his body. He grabbed Robbe's hand and pulled him through the crowded living room, determined to get upstairs. </p><p>When they made it into the hallway, they ran into Britt. </p><p>“Well, well, well. Would you look at that,” she said, grinning from ear to ear. “I knew I sensed some sexual tension between you two last time.” </p><p>She faced Robbe. “Is he treating you well?” she asked, smiling but her eyes serious.</p><p>Robbe felt Sander tense up next to him. The subject was still sensitive. He rubbed his thumb in circles over the back of his hand, trying to soothe him.</p><p>“Yes, he more than made up for it,” he said, giving Sander a kiss on the cheek. </p><p>Sander blushed, staring down at his feet. </p><p>“Good,” said Britt. “Because you look really cute together.”</p><p>Now Robbe blushed as well. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Alright, I’m going to get another drink so I won’t make this any more awkward,” Britt laughed, walking past them to the kitchen. </p><p>He looked at Sander, silently asking if he was okay. Sander nodded. They hadn’t even put a feet on the stairs before they were interrupted again by Senne calling their names.</p><p>“What?” Sander grunted, turning around with a frustrated look on his face.</p><p>“House meeting in the kitchen,” said Senne, beckoning them.</p><p>“We’re busy,” said Sander, grabbing Robbe’s hand again and turning around to walk up the stairs. </p><p>“It will only take five minutes,” Senne argued. “Come on.”</p><p>“Listen bro,” said Sander, letting go of Robbe’s hand to fold his arms. “Just because you’re three months older than me and therefore coincidentally the oldest of the house doesn’t mean you can boss us around like this.”</p><p>Senne sighed, bend down and wrapped his arms around Sander's waist. </p><p>“No no no!” Sander squirmed, trying to push Senne away. “You can’t keep doing this every time you’re about to lose an argument. Let me go!”</p><p>Senne ignored him and threw Sander over his shoulder in one swift move like Sander was as light as a feather. He looked over at Robbe. “You’re coming?”</p><p>Robbe blinked a few times, surprised by what just happened, and nodded. They made their way through the crowd, Sander still dangling upside down on Senne's shoulder. He had stopped squirming because he probably realized it was pointless, and was now hanging over his shoulder like a towel. When they arrived in the kitchen, Senne bend down to put Sander on the ground again. </p><p>Sander's head was red like a tomato. He pulled his shirt down and gave Senne a frustrated shove. </p><p>“Okay so, I’m not going to argue with you guys about who can ride along in my car to the beach tomorrow when everyone is hungover, so we’re going to decide now,” said Senne, picking up some breadsticks in different lengths from the counter. “The three people who draw the longest ones can go in my car.”</p><p>Aaron pulled a breadstick out of Senne’s hand, frowning when he saw how short it was. “What the fuck is this?”</p><p>“The size of your dick,” said Moyo, barking out a laugh.</p><p>Robbe pulled at another breadstick. He immediately felt that it wasn't much. </p><p>“Ha!” said Aaron. “Yours is even smaller.”</p><p>After everyone had pulled a breadstick out of Senne's hands, they compared them to see who had the longest, which turned out to be Keisha, Sander and Amber. </p><p>Sander looked over at Robbe. “Does someone want to switch?” he asked, putting up his breadstick.</p><p>“Recount!” Moyo yelled with newfound optimism. He turned out to have the longest one after Amber. “Thank you Jesus!” he said, raising his arms to the ceiling. “Has that crack always been there or is the house about to collapse?" He shrugged and looked over at Robbe and the other roommates who lost. "Whatever, have fun on the train with your tiny breadsticks!”</p><p>Sander pulled Robbe into the hallway again for another attempt to make it upstairs. All of a sudden he stopped in his tracks, even though there was plenty of space to walk. Robbe followed his gaze and noticed Jesse standing at the front door. </p><p>“Is that-“</p><p>“San, don’t,” he said, pulling Sander back by his arm to prevent him from storming over to Jesse.</p><p>“Why not?” Sander argued. “He’s the reason why we didn’t see each other for nine years! He should be made aware of the consequences of his actions.”</p><p>“Sander, he was nine. You can’t blame him for something he did when he was nine. Kids do stupid stuff all the time,” Robbe reasoned. </p><p>“But if he hadn’t taken the letter we would never have lost track of each other,” said Sander, eyes looking sad.</p><p>“Maybe. But maybe we would have grown apart if I had received the letter and all of this would never have happened. Maybe we wouldn’t be here right now if he hadn’t taken it. Maybe he’s the reason we’re together right now,” he said.</p><p>“I’m not giving him credit,” Sander muttered, staring at Jesse with a frustrated look on his face.</p><p>Robbe smiled. “You don’t have to. Just don’t be angry at him. I think he’s still a bit jealous of us,” he whispered into his ear.</p><p>Sander scoffed, looking over at Jesse again. “As he should be. He can steal as many letters as he wants. We’ll still end up together. Fuck Seppe.”</p><p>“Fuck Seppe,” Robbe repeated with a grin on his face.</p><p>Sander took his hand again and started walking. Robbe thought they were heading upstairs but Sander stopped in front of the stairs, right under Jesse's nose. Before Robbe had a chance to ask what he was doing, Sander cupped his cheeks and stuck his tong down his throat for an enviable make out session. Robbe felt a bit sorry for Jesse, but he didn't have enough restraint to resist Sander. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>only one more chapter left😱</p><p>what would you like to happen on the beach trip?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. When We Collide We Come Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>ZATERDAG 22:16</strong>
</p><p>Everyone was gathered around the campfire in the backyard of Senne’s parents beach house. Robbe had gone inside to grab a new beer and when he got back, Aaron had taken his seat. Typical. He could argue about it with Aaron or sit on the uncomfortable stool next to him, but Sander’s lap seemed like a more attractive option. He walked over to Sander, who was sitting on a dining table chair with a blanket wrapped around him, and stood still in front of him, giving him a pitiful pout he knew Sander wasn’t able to resist.</p><p>Sander looked up at him. “Want to join the burrito?”</p><p>He nodded, still pouting and side-eying Aaron who didn’t even seem to realize that he did something wrong.</p><p>Sander lifted the blanket, inviting him to sit on his lap. Robbe sat down and let Sander give him a kiss on his forehead and wrap the blanket around the both of them. He could fall asleep right then and there from how comfortable he felt.</p><p>It had been a busy twenty-four hours. When Robbe had opened his eyes last night after their make out session in front of Jesse’s nose, Jesse had vanished and was nowhere to be found the rest of the night. Not that they had looked for him or anything. They had more important things on their mind, like making yet another attempt to get to the bedroom, but they weren’t even halfway up the stairs when Sander pulled him downstairs again. Let’s Dance had just come up on the playlist and according to Sander it was simply blasphemy to not dance to a David Bowie song. Around half past four, they had finally made it upstairs, too tired to do anything and immediately falling asleep.</p><p>They had slept till noon and took the train to the beach later that afternoon, accompanied by their hungover roommates.</p><p>Robbe slept most of the train ride as well, his head resting on Sander’s shoulder. When they arrived at the train station, it was already getting dark outside. Senne had picked them up with his car so they didn’t have to walk the last three kilometers to the house.</p><p>The beach house was exactly like Robbe had imagined it, a white modern villa with large floor-to-ceiling windows, consisting of four bedrooms and six bathrooms. Robbe never understood why people needed more bathrooms than bedrooms, but rich people never made much sense to him. To top it all off, there was a swimming pool and a hot tub in the backyard, even though the beach was a five-minute-walk away.</p><p>Despite the generous amount of bedrooms for a vacation home, Robbe and Sander still ended up having to share a bedroom with Jens, Moyo and Aaron. Which would definitely cause for some interesting situations.</p><p>When everyone had finally arrived at the house, including Jens and Aaron who had managed to miss not one but two trains, they dipped into the hot tub and ordered pizza. After that, Robbe had lit a fire while Sander handed him wood and branches, proudly observing his boyfriend’s fire lighting skills. When the flames were strong enough, they gathered all the chairs and blankets they could find and sat down around the campfire. They were roasting marshmallows and quietly chatting, still a bit tired from yesterday’s house party.</p><p> “I’m bored,” Aaron whined, putting down his empty beer bottle in the grass.</p><p>“I literally invited you on a free trip and you still manage to complain,” Senne sighed.</p><p>“Can’t we do a drinking game or something?”</p><p>“Truth or dare!” Amber yelled, bouncing on her seat.</p><p>
  <em>Oh god.</em>
</p><p>Robbe used to hate truth or dare. Every time people were playing it at a party in high school, he always made sure to leave the room before he had to answer a question. He didn’t like being dared to do embarrassing shit or tell people about the weirdest location he had sex in, when he hadn’t even had sex in the first place. But right now, sitting safely on Sander’s lap with a blanket wrapped around him, he didn’t really care what questions they would fire in his direction.</p><p>“That’s not a drinking game,” said Keisha.</p><p>“Yes it is,” Amber argued. “Truth or dare and if you don’t want to do it you have to take a shot.”</p><p>Senne went inside and came back with twelve shot glasses and an expensive looking bottle of vodka. Robbe took a mental note to do or answer whatever people would ask of him, because vodka and his stomach didn’t exactly get along. He would always be perfectly fine after the first or second shot, only to find himself hanging over a toilet seat the next minute, wondering where it all went wrong and feeling like he was about to die.</p><p>After Senne filled up all the shot glasses with his pretentious vodka, Jens clapped his hands together, ready to begin. “Okay, I’ll start. Aaron, truth or dare?”</p><p>Aaron frowned like it was the hardest question he had ever gotten. “Dare,” he said after a lot of consideration.</p><p>An evil smirk appeared on Jens’ lips. “I dare you to go home.”</p><p>A big gasp went through the group, followed by everyone bursting out into laughter. Robbe felt Sander chuckle against his back, muffling the sound against his hear.</p><p>“Fuck you, I’m not going home!” said Aaron, giving Jens the middle finger.</p><p>“Take a shot then,” said Jens, folding his arms with a pleased grin on his face.</p><p>Aaron sighed and threw back the drink, scrunching his nose. Robbe could taste the vodka on his tong just from looking at Aaron’s face. The only thing worse than the taste of vodka, was the taste of vodka when it came back out of your stomach, and maybe Tequila. Tequila was the absolute worst.</p><p>Moyo was up next. He got an even more evil smirk on his face than Jens, looking Aaron in the eye. “Truth or dare?”</p><p>“You can’t pick me twice!” Aaron argued.</p><p>“Says who?” Moyo replied. “You wanted to play a drinking game, so answer the damn question.”</p><p>Aaron looked around the campfire, quietly begging for someone to back him up, but everyone just shrugged. </p><p>“Truth,” he sighed because the other option hadn’t been a success.</p><p>“Who do you have a crush on?” </p><p>He rolled his eyes. “As if everyone doesn’t already know that.”</p><p>“Maybe but I would like to hear you say it,” said Moyo, folding his legs and taking a sip of his beer.</p><p>Aaron stared at his shot glass before leaning forward to fill it up again. He changed his mind halfway through and leaned back, putting down the shot glass. “I have a crush on Amber,” he admitted, looking around the group. He turned his head and gave Amber an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I just really like you.”</p><p>Amber raised her eyebrows but didn’t look as annoyed as Robbe had expected. She even gave him a small smile. Maybe Aaron hadn’t blown his changes after all.</p><p>“Okay, okay next,” said Zoë, putting an end to the awkward situation. “Moyo, truth or dare?”</p><p>“Dare,” said Moyo with a cocky look on his face like he was down to do anything.</p><p>“Let someone spit in your beer and drink it up,” Zoë grinned.</p><p>Moyo scoffed. “No way, I’m not doing that, he said, reached his hand out to grab his shot glass.</p><p>“Pussy.”</p><p>That was enough to get under Moyo’s skin. One simple word and he put down his shot glass and looked around the campfire with a tortured look in his eyes, dedicing who’s spit he was going to swallow. After what felt like forever, his gaze landed on Keisha.</p><p>“Me?” said Keisha, pointing at herself surprised.</p><p>“You’re the only one of these fuckers that I trust,” he shrugged, holding his beer glass in front of her face.</p><p>“Hold on,” said Keisha, sucking in her cheeks. “Let me collect some spit,” she mumbled, before spitting a huge drop of spit into his glass and looking up at him like she just did him a favor.</p><p>Everybody burst into laughter again.</p><p>Moyo threw her an offended look, squinted his eyes and swallowing down the beer in one big gulp. </p><p>Robbe got a flashback of Sander’s twelfth birthday party, where they had played the same game, only without the alcohol. The spit question was apparently a classic, because back then Robbe had been dared to drink a glass of lemonade where a girl from Sander’s art class had spit in. Robbe had only done it because he didn’t want to be seen as a nine year old chicken who was only invited to the party because he lived next door.</p><p>“Robbe, it’s your turn,” said Jana, snapping him out of his spit swallowing memories.</p><p>“Ask Jens what the deal is with him and toothpaste,” Sander whispered into his ear.</p><p>Robbe shoved Sander against his chest to make him shut up. Hedefinitelydidn’t want the details on Jens’ toothpaste fetish. It wouldn’t do their friendship any good. “Uh Jana, truth or dare?”</p><p>“Truth.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>Robbe literally didn’t have a clue what to ask. He wondered if truth or dare anxiety was a thing, because if it was, he definitely had it. It was like his mind went blank as soon as he had to come up with a funny question. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?” he said, blurting out the first cliché question that came to mind.</p><p>Jana took a moment to think and then scrunched her nose. “Alright but only if you all promise to get so drunk tonight that you won’t remember what I told you.”</p><p>Everyone nodded, shuffling to the edge of their seats. Robbe was relieved Jana had come up with an interesting story so no one would comment on his lame question.</p><p>“Okay so last year I was sitting in the library and I had just started my period and suddenly I felt like I was leaking so I get up and there’s this enormous blood stain on the chair. So I panicked and wanted to run to the bathroom to get some toilet paper to clean it up, you know? But then Moyo and Jens turned up so I just ran away.”</p><p>“I touched that!” Moyo cried out with a horrified look on his face.</p><p>Tears of laughter were running down Aaron’s cheeks.</p><p>“Why?” Jana yelled, looking equally horrified at the realization that Moyo touched her period blood.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Moyo shrieked. “I wanted to check if it was real blood. I thought someone cut their leg or something.”</p><p>When the laughter had died down and Aaron had wiped his tears with a greasy napkin, Robbe poked Sander with his elbow, indicating that it was his turn.</p><p>Apparently Sander didn’t have any problem coming up with something funny, because he immediately looked over at Amber, a cheeky grin on his lips. “Truth or dare?”</p><p>“Dare,” said Amber to everyone’s surprise.</p><p>Sander seemed pleased with her answer, like he already had something in mind.  “I dare you to kiss someone.”</p><p>Robbe turned around, staring at him with wide eyes. Sander snorted and nodded in Amber’s direction. Robbe looked back at Amber. She had stood up from her seat and was walking past their roommates, scanning them up and down like she was choosing a candidate. Robbe had expected for her to take the shot or give Luca a small peck, but apparently Amber had something different in mind. </p><p>All eyes were on Amber when she stopped in front of Aaron. Robbe held his breath, wondering what she was about to do.</p><p>Aaron’s eyes were almost popping out of his head like he couldn’t believe what was happening. Amber leaned forward, cupping both of his cheeks and planting a kiss on his lips. Aaron was so surprise he froze, arms hanging limp alongside his body. After a few seconds, Amber pulled back. Aaron’s mouth was hanging open. She smiled, pushed his chin up and padded him on the cheek. </p><p>Sander started clapping enthusiastically, followed by the rest of their roommates. Amber turned around, made a small bow and walked back to her chair, all while Aaron stared at her with his mouth hanging open again. </p><p> “Jens,” said Senne, pulling everyone’s attention away from Aaron’s stunned face. “Truth or dare?”</p><p>“Truth,” Jens replied. Apparently he didn’t feel like kissing one of his roommates.</p><p>“Hm, let me think,” said Senne, scratching his chin. “Did someone ever walk in on you while you were jerking off?”</p><p>Jens’ face flushed. “No.”</p><p>“Liar!” said Sander.</p><p>Everyone’s gaze went from Jens to Sander.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Jens snapped at him. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!”</p><p>Sander raised his arms in defense. “Hey, I only said you were lying. You gave yourself away.”</p><p>Jens took a sip of his beer, looking annoyed and still red like a tomato. </p><p>Robbe turned around on Sander’s lap to look at him. “Did you really walk in on Jens?”</p><p>Sander nodded, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“How did that happen?”</p><p>“He didn’t hear me knock. I opened the door, saw his business, closed the door, bleached my eyes and then bleached my hair,” he grinned.</p><p>Robbe laughed and turned around again to lean against Sander’s chest. He catched Luca staring at him. “What?”</p><p>“Truth of dare?” </p><p>
  <em>No no no.</em>
</p><p>The only thing worse than coming up with a question, was having to answer one. He hated this stupid game. A drinking game shouldn’t give you cold sweat. “Uh, truth,” he said, too afraid of the possible dares she could come up with.</p><p>“Did you and Sander hook up during fall break?”</p><p>“No,” Robbe laughed, surprised that rumor was still going around. He thought back of that time when him and Sander had just made up and how horrible he had found it that everyone was talking about their relationship. It’s funny how fast things can change. He couldn’t give a shit about who was talking about them now. Everyone was allowed to know they were in love. He trusted Sander and that was all that mattered.</p><p>Luca frowned. “What the hell happened then?”</p><p>“Sander apologized. It wasn’t as juicy as you think it is,” he said, shrugging.</p><p>“He just apologized and everything was fine?” said Luca, sounding like that was the most unbelievable thing she had ever heard.</p><p>“No, I let him sweat for a week and then he explained everything and we hugged it out,” Robbe elaborated, wrapping and arm around Sander’s shoulders and kissing his temple.</p><p>“And then?” Luca asked, like she expected they had jumped into bed together right after.</p><p>“Then we talked some more and I made him slap me in the face and then we were besties again,” said Sander, pulling Robbe closer against his chest.</p><p>Robbe giggled but stopped when he caught Jens staring at them jealously. He should probably have a chat with Jens   about the whole besties situation and explain to him that a person could have two besties. A boyfriend and a best friend. </p><p>“But- but when did you kiss then?” stammered Luca, looking confused.</p><p>“I already answered more questions than I had to,” he grinned, taking another sip from his beer. He wasn’t going to give Luca the satisfaction of knowing <em>all </em>the details.</p><p>Luca sighed and leaned back on her chair, accepting that those were all the answers she was going to get tonight. </p><p>Keisha was up next and pointed at Noor.</p><p>“Dare,” said Noor like the badass she was.</p><p>Keisha wiggled her eyebrows. “Put on a blindfold, let someone do a lap dance and guess who it is.”</p><p>Zoë walked into the kitchen and came back with a towel for Noor to wrap around her head. When the towel was on and Noor couldn’t tell how many fingers Keisha was holding up, Keisha pointed at Moyo.</p><p>Moyo smirked, walked over to Noor and sat down on her lap backwards. He completely went for it, making all the classic lap dance moves and even some that Robbe had never seen before. Noor carefully touched his body to figure out who was going at it on her lap and got the giggles.</p><p> “Luca?” Noor guessed. “Oh no nevermind, she has way better moves,” she said with a grin on her face after everyone had burst into laughter.</p><p>“What the hell?” Moyo scoffed, giving himself away.</p><p>Noor pulled off the blindfold and padded him on his leg, letting on that she had known it was him from the start.</p><p>“Okay my turn, my turn!” said Jana, waving her hand in the air. “Let’s see,” she said, looking around the campfire while rubbing her hands together. “Zoë.”</p><p>“Definitely truth,” Zoë laughed.</p><p>Jana squinted her eyes. “What did you think of Senne when you first met him?”</p><p>Zoë groaned, her eyes going back and fort between the shot glass and Senne like it was the worst dilemma of her life. After another look at Senne, who had his arms folded tightly against his chest and was watching her with raised eyebrows, she bit the bullet and swallowed down the vodka.</p><p>Senne blinked a few times, surprised that Zoë would rather take a shot than tell everyone what she thought of him when they first met. He looked at his watch, trying to shift the attention. “Alright, I think we need to head out if we still want to go to a bar.” </p><p>“Awkward,” Jens chuckled.</p><p>Everyone headed back inside. Robbe jumped on Sander back as soon as he had gotten up from his seat. He never used jumped on people’s backs. He didn’t know what had gotten over him but all of a sudden he felt this overwhelming urge to jump on Sander’s back. Sander wobbled on his feet for a second, searching for his balance before grabbing Robbe’s legs and galloping inside.</p><p>“No San, stop! Stop!” Robbe shrieked when they reached the stairs and Sander put his feet on the first step. “We’re going to fall.”</p><p>“Hold on tight,” said Sander, squeezing his legs and running up the stairs.</p><p>When arrived at the top floor of the beach house, Sander turned around and flung him on the double bed. </p><p>Robbe had expected Moyo to have taken the double bed since he got a ride from Senne and arrived first, but he had saved it for them. Sometimes Moyo could be unexpectedly nice. Robbe was glad he got to sleep in a normal sizes bed with Sander for once, even if they had to share a room with Moyo, Aaron and Jens.</p><p>They quickly got changed, grabbed their wallets and were about to head downstairs when Jens stopped them in their tracks. “Okay before we go out, we need some ground rules for this weekend,” he announced.</p><p>“Rules?” Moyo whined. “Even Amber doesn’t have any rules this week.”</p><p>“Just one rule. No sexy times in this room. I already feel single enough and I need my beauty sleep,” said Jens, looking over at Robbe and Sander. “Okay?”</p><p>“I actually don’t mind that much,” Aaron mumbled.</p><p>“Well I’m not asking you,” said Jens before facing Robbe and Sander again </p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>Robbe nodded. “Yeah, of course.”</p><p>“Sander?”</p><p>“I can’t promise anything,” Sander smirked. But then Jens gave him the dude-don’t-fuck-with-me look and he barked out a laugh. “Kidding, kidding! No sexy times, I promise,” he said, putting a hand on his chest and bending down for Robbe to jump on his back again. Robbe giggled and jumped up, wrapping his arms around Sander’s neck and getting carried downstairs, the guys following behind.</p><p> </p><p><strong>ZOND</strong> <strong>AG 07:04</strong></p><p>Robbe woke up from the creaking sounds that the bed made when Sander tried to unwrap himself from their embrace. He listened how Sander stumbled out of bed and made his way over to the adjoined bathroom. It felt like they had just lied down a few minutes ago but when Robbe heard the rattling sound of a bottle of pills, he realized it was much later than he thought it was.</p><p>They had spend the night in a local bar that had been empty apart from a sixty-year-old tattooed bartender who had looked relieved that some people finally showed up. Sander had chatted with him all night. When Robbe came back from the restroom at one point, the bartender was posing for Sander’s camera with twinkling eyes. After that, he gave them a free round of beer and let them stay until three. When they got home, not wasted but a good amount of tipsy, they stumbled upstairs and immediately fell asleep.</p><p>Sander turned the light off in the bathroom and tried to find his way back in the dark, quietly cursing when he stumbled over Jens’ air mattress. He carefully got back under the covers, trying to be as quiet as possible but the bed still loudly creaked.</p><p>Robbe made grabby hands followed by a small whiny noise, asking Sander to come closer. The room was fucking freezing. Apparently rich people didn’t care about insulating their houses.</p><p>“Shh,” Sander whispered. “Go back to sleep.” He shuffled over on the squeaky bed so Robbe could crawl against him.</p><p>Robbe grabbed Sander’s arm and wrapped it around his chest, letting out a content sigh. Before Sander reappeared in his life, Robbe used to sleep with a stuffed animal or a pillow under his arm, always needing to wrap himself around something to feel safe. Naturally Sander had replaced those items. </p><p>Sander pulled him close and started leaving a trail of small kisses on the back of his neck.</p><p>A giggle escaped Robbe’s lips.</p><p>“Oh my god, you guys are fucking, aren’t you?” Jens groaned, shuffling around on his air mattress.</p><p>Robbe tilted his head, a little offended by the accusation. “No we’re not! I swear.”</p><p>“Yeah well, I believe you but I don’t trust Sander,” Jens sighed, waving an arm in Sander’s direction.</p><p>Sander started wiggling so that the bed was making even more suggestive squeaking sounds.</p><p>“No, no, no, please!” Jens begged, putting a pillow over his head.</p><p>“Hot,” mumbled Aaron from the other side of the room.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>MAANDAG 14:31</strong>
</p><p>On Monday they went for a walk on the beach because it was too cold outside to do anything else. It was windy and and cold as fuck, but it didn’t matter because Robbe loved the beach. Everything seemed better when he was on the beach, like the ocean air blew away all his worries.</p><p>Robbe was walking by himself, the broerrrs running around with a football in front of him and the rest of his roommates walking behind. Sander standing close to the water with Noor, teaching her how to use the different settings on his camera to make pictures of the sea. He was wearing Robbe’s orange hoodie because he didn’t bring enough warm clothes for the trip. Watching Sander walk around in his colorful hoodie instead of his usual black and white aesthetic filled Robbe’s chest with pride.</p><p>Senne walked up to him. “Nice pants,” he said, pointing at Robbe’s new black pants. “They look good on you.”</p><p>“Thanks,” said Robbe, surprised that Senne gave him an actual compliment for once without making a joke out of it. “Your friend actually recommended them to me,” he added to test if Milan had lied about knowing Senne so Robbe wouldn’t have kicked him out of the party.</p><p>“Which friend? I have a lot of friends. I’m very popular you know,” said Senne with a smug grin.</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “Milan.”</p><p>Senne laughed. “I’m sure that was an interesting shopping experience.”</p><p>“Wait, you’re actually friends?” he said, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Yeah, we had a course together last year. We hang out sometimes,” said Senne, kicking back the football that Jens had accidentally kicked in their direction.</p><p>“Really?” He tried to imagine Senne and Milan hanging out together. He wondered what that would look like. He couldn’t see them getting coffee together.</p><p>Senne nodded. “I’ve had some of the craziest nights out with him.”</p><p>All of a sudden Robbe was grabbed from behind and swept off his feet. Jens was holding him up at his arms and Moyo had tilted his feet off the ground so that he was hanging in between them like a hammock. They carried him to the sea. </p><p>Robbe soon realized what was happening and started squirming. However beautiful he thought the sea was, he was terrified to go in it. Everything repulsed him about it, the fact that he couldn’t see the seabed, slimy stuff at his feet, sharks, strong currents, and the worst of all, jellyfish. He was traumatized by jellyfish. He went on a school trip once to the sea and when some guys two grades above him had throw him in, he was stung by a jellyfish. It had hurt like a bitch and he hadn’t set a foot in the sea ever since.</p><p>Jens and Moyo started counting down from ten, swinging him from side to side. Robbe knew that they probably weren't actually going to throw him into the water, but one of them could accidentally loose their grip and he would still fall into it, which made him burst out in cold sweat. </p><p>Suddenly Sander was calling his name. Jens and Moyo stopped swinging. </p><p>“Yasmina is calling,” said Sander, waving his phone in the air. “She says it’s urgent. I think it’s about work?”</p><p>Moyo put him down on his feet. Robbe took a deep breath, relieved his feet were touching the dry sand again. Yasmina had great timing. He did wonder what she was calling about. They didn't have the type of job that required urgent phone calls during the holidays. </p><p>He ran over to Sander and grabbed his phone from his hand, frowning when he didn't see Yasmina's name on the screen. “Did she hang up already?”</p><p>“No, I wanted to help without coming across as a nosy boyfriend," said Sander, biting his lip. </p><p>
  <em>Of course. </em>
</p><p>Sander remembered that Robbe was afraid of the sea. He gave him a thankful smile. </p><p>“I think you should act like you’re on the phone before they come and get you again,” said Sander, nodding at the guys.</p><p>Robbe put his phone to his ear and looked over at Jens and Moyo who were suddenly taking their clothes off. “What the fuck is going on there?” he asked with the phone still at his ear.</p><p>Moyo and Jens were standing in their underwear now and the rest of their roommates started undressing as well. They really did live with a bunch of idiots. </p><p>Sander furrowed his eyebrows. “I think they’re going for an early New Year’s Dive?”</p><p>Robbe had always found the idea of a New Year's Dive bullshit. He didn't understand why people would willingly run into the sea in the middle of winter. He didn't even like running into the sea in summer, let alone when it was freezing outside. </p><p>“Last one in the water pays for drinks tonight!” Aaron called, running past them in his boxer shorts.</p><p>“Want to go back to the house?” Sander asked.</p><p>Robbe looked over at his roommates in the water. Aaron dived head first into the waves as if the water was as hot as the hot tub in Senne's backyard. Meanwhile Senne was splashing water on Zoë and Amber who were bouncing around in the low water, letting out excited screams. They seemed like they were having a good time. He didn't want to miss out on the fun because a stupid jellyfish had stung him over a decade ago. </p><p>Sander noticed Robbe was hesitating. “Want to try together?”</p><p>Robbe nodded, a little scared but also curious. If he was going to conquer his fears, he would do it with Sander.</p><p>They started taking off their clothes and threw them on a pile next to their shoes. A rush of cold wind blew past them. Robbe shivered. He was already freezing and he hadn't even set foot in the sea yet. They walked over to the water, wet sand sticking to their feet. Sander stopped in his tracks. Robbe looked at him confused. He really needed Sander by his side for this.  </p><p>“The last one in the water has to pay for drinks,” Sander reminded him.</p><p>Robbe stepped into the water. It was so cold that it felt like it was burning hot. </p><p>“I would like a special beer tonight,” Senne called at Sander, already placing his order.</p><p>Sander gave Senne the finger and joined Robbe in the water, grabbing his hand.</p><p>They slowly took a couple more steps forward. Suddenly a big wave appeared that came up to their waist. Robbe grind his teeth, trying to breathe through the cold. </p><p>“I think it won’t be as bad if we run in at once,” said Sander.</p><p>Robbe nodded. He took a deep breath and squeezed Sander's hand. </p><p>“Ready?” Sander asked, looking at him from the corners of his eyes.</p><p>Robbe took one more big breath. “Yes.”</p><p>“Go!” Sander called, running into the cold waves and pulling Robbe with him. </p><p>There was so much adrenaline in his body that he didn't even feel the cold. It actually felt kind of refreshing. He carefully put his feet down on the seabed. There wasn't a jellyfish in sight. Was this really what he had been scared of all those years?</p><p>“See? It’s not that bad,” said Sander.</p><p>Right at that second Robbe felt something glide against his leg. He shrieked and jumped into Sander's arms, clutching his legs around Sander's waist like a koala.</p><p>“It just some seaweed,” Sander laughed, showing him the string of seaweed.</p><p>Robbe was relieved it wasn't an animal but he still kept his legs tightly clutched around Sander's body. He wasn't going to take the risk. </p><p>“Alright, let’s get you wrapped up in a couple of blankets,” said Sander, wrapping his arms under Robbe’s legs and walking out of the water when he figured that Robbe wasn’t going to let go anytime soon. <span class="u"></span></p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Casa Anubis</span> </strong>
</p><p><strong>Adi:</strong> how’s beach life treating you peeps? can i come next time🥺</p><p>i’m so bored</p><p>also @Sander when are you gonna make one of those pretty drawing of me? i want to hang above your bed too</p><p><strong>Jens:</strong> </p><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Keisha:</strong> What are you doing in our chat??</p><p><strong>Adi:</strong> i’m feeding your stupid cat</p><p>i have a right to be here</p><p><strong>Sander:</strong> @Adi I gave you a key to water Ziggy, not snoop around my room</p><p>And I only make drawings of my soulmate😌</p><p>🥰🥰🥰</p><p><strong>Luca:</strong> @Adi come get me out of here I feel like I’m third wheeling their honeymoon </p><p><strong>Moyo:</strong> you only feel like that now?</p><p><strong>Sander:</strong> U guys can choke on our cuteness😌🖕🖕</p><p>
  
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<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DINSDAG 22:36</strong>
</p><p>While everyone else had gone out to a club, Robbe and Sander had decided to stay in for a night. It was one thing to live with ten other roommates, but cramming everyone into a four bedroom beach house was another thing. They could use some time by themselves.</p><p>They ate left overs on the couch and headed upstairs for some much needed sexy times, as Sander was calling it since Jens’ warning on Saturday, before the rest would come back from the club. </p><p>Sander had gotten up to take a shower while Robbe stayed behind on the bed, basking in afterglow. His legs weren’t able to move yet. Sander came back ten minutes later, smelling like fancy soap. His hair was still tangled and sticky from the seawater. Apparently he didn’t wash it.</p><p>“Want to do something fun?” Sander asked, holding up a trimmer.</p><p>Robbe frowned. “Do you want me to shave your beard?” Sander didn’t have much of a beard so Robbe didn’t see what would be the fun in that, but he would gladly help him.</p><p>“No, my hair.”</p><p>“What?” said Robbe, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>He didn’t understand why Sander thought that he had the talent to trim the sides of his head. You needed a steady hand for that. Sander had seen his drawing skills so why would he trust him to trim his hair? </p><p>“I want to shave it off,” said Sander with a cheeky grin.</p><p>
  <em>Wait what.</em>
</p><p><em>“All </em>of it?” he asked, checking if he understood what Sander was saying.</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m kind of over it and the seawater didn’t do it any good.”</p><p>“Uh, okay,” Robbe replied while Sander put the trimmer in his hand. He never shaved someone’s head before. He looked at the razorblades. What if he cut off Sander’s ear? </p><p>Sander sat down on the rug, resting his back against the couch in between Robbe’s legs.</p><p>“Are you sure I’m qualified to do this?” he asked, checking out the different settings on the trimmer.</p><p>Sander laughed. “Absolutely. I want it all off so you literally can’t do anything wrong. Oh wait! said Sander, raising his hand. “Before you start, could you maybe do one side first and then like leave a mohawk and stuff?”</p><p>“Uh, sure. If that makes you happy.”</p><p>“Reading my parents shocked reactions when I sent them the pictures does make me happy, yes,” said Sander.</p><p>Robbe laughed and put the trimmer against his head. “Are you sure you want to do this? I thought you liked the blonde.”</p><p>“I did. But it’s also a bitch to maintain. My scalp needs a break.”</p><p>“Okay,” said Robbe as he turned the trimmer on, a light buzzing sound filling the room. He didn’t dare to move. It felt like too much responsibility. He had become attached to the bleached blond cloud on Sander’s head and was already mourning the loss a bit.</p><p>Sander turned around to see why nothing was happening. “What are you waiting for? You think I will be ugly without it?” he joked but his eyes looking a little insecure.</p><p>“Of course not,” Robbe smiled. He held his breath and shaved off the first lane of hair, blond strands falling on the ground. He exhaled, relieved he hadn’t injured Sander. He handed Sander his phone so he couldn’t have a look and take pictures to send to his parents.</p><p>Sander opened his front camera and burst into laughter. “Maybe I should have started a punk band,” he snorted.</p><p>“Now the other side?” Robbe asked, already more confident about his trimming skills.</p><p>“Yes,” said Sander. He eagerly pulled up his legs and leaned his head back in between Robbe’s legs again.</p><p>Robbe shaved off the hair on the other side of Sander’s head so there was only a blond mohawk left at the top of his head. Robbe got the giggles from how ridiculous it looked.</p><p>Sander grabbed his phone. “Oh my god this is amazing! I think I’m going to keep it like this,” he said before pulling a weird face and taking a couple more selfies.</p><p>“Whatever you want,” Robbe laughed, shaking his head. “You’re the one who has to walk down the street with it.”</p><p>“Okay no, you can shave the rest off but keep a little rat tail,” Sander instructed, pointing at the back of his head.</p><p>Robbe rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”</p><p>After Sander had done a photoshoot with his rat tail and almost had given it a name, Robbe shaved off the remaining hair so only a brown buzzcut was left. He wiped the hairs off Sander’s shoulders.</p><p>“Done.”</p><p>Sander touched his head and stood up to look in the big mirror next to the hallway. He stared at his own reflection for a while, rotating his body to see how it looked from different angles. He turned around to Robbe. “How do I look?”</p><p>Robbe took a long look at him. He looked really different but also exactly the same. The short brown hair made him look younger but also older. It was hard to explain. “Like... your twelve-year-old self and an army guy all at once,” said Robbe. It was a weird comparison but also exactly how Sander was looking right now.</p><p>Sander scrunched his nose. “Fuck, that not good, is it?” he said, touching his shaved head.</p><p>“No! I like it. I just have to get used to it. You look tough and adorable at the same time. I don’t know how you do it,” he said. He got up from the couch to get a better look at Sander and touch his head again. The short hairs felt nice under his fingertips. Thank god he liked the feeling because he wouldn’t be able to pull at it for a while, which was a pity.</p><p>Sander frowned, not completely convinced yet. “You really like it?”</p><p>Robbe nodded. “You look fucking hot,” he said, giving him a kiss and touching Sander’s perfectly round head again. Yeah, he could get used to the feeling. “I think Seppe would be very intimidated if he saw you like this.”</p><p>Sander laughed. “I should swing by the library some time then.” </p><p>Robbe had been thinking about that. It was inevitable that they would run into Jesse again at some point, either at the library or at another party. He wondered if Jesse would keep pretending he didn’t know anything about the letter. Robbe had some awkward shifts at the library ahead of him if that was the case. “Do you think he’ll ever admit that he took the letter?”</p><p>Sander shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe. But it’s not like that would change anything.”</p><p>Sander was right. It didn’t matter. Jesse could admit that he stole the letter all those years ago, but that didn’t change the fact that Robbe never got a chance to read it. It wasn’t like Jesse would turn up at the library one day and hand him an old looking envelope with his name written on it in Sander’s twelve-year-old handwriting. </p><p>“See, that’s the thing,” he said. “I’m sure that I would have kept it if I ever received it and now I don’t even know what it said.” </p><p>“Sometimes I feel like we’re hyping it up too much,” said Sander. “It’s not like I declared my love to you in a poetic way or something. I just scribbled something down on a piece of paper.”</p><p>“But I would still like to have it,” Robbe pouted.</p><p>“I know,” said Sander, giving him a soft kiss on his forehead. Robbe died a little every time he did that. Forehead kisses from Sander might be his favorite thing in the world. Sander turned around and started picking up the blond strands of hair from the floor.</p><p>“Can I, uh, keep a strand?” Robbe asked, scratching the back of his head. He hadn’t realized how weird his question sounded until he said it out loud. The hair was just so iconic, almost like a symbol of their reunion. Sander shaving off his bleached hair felt like the end of an era and he would like to keep a small reminder of that time.</p><p>Sander furrowed his eyebrows, a grin appearing on his lips. “What do you want to do with it? Hang it above your bed?”</p><p>“No, just keep it,” Robbe shrugged. “I’m sentimental, okay!”</p><p>“And here I was thinking you were the normal one in the relationship,” he snorted, putting a strand of bleached hair aside for Robbe to keep.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>WOENSDAG 10:08</strong>
</p><p>A winter sun was shining bright through the crack in the curtains, straight into Robbe’s eyes. He stretched his arms out to the other side of the bed, expecting to feel Sander’s warm body but the mattress was empty and cold. He tilted his head and discovered he was the only one in the room. The other beds didn’t look like they had been slept in. His eyes landed on a note lying on Sander’s pillow. He unfolded the paper and was met with an impressive imitated children’s handwriting.</p>
<hr/><p>Dear Robin,</p><p>I’m really glad you found this letter. I should probebly have put it in your mailbox or not have been so dramatic and just given you a call, but my 12 year old brain isn’t developped enough to make smart decisions like that. Anyway, you’re probably wondering where the f*ck I am (btw do you think we’ll ever be badass enough to just write down curse words without a *? God I hope so. That would be cool). Well, I’m in Kiel right now in this temporary flat until we find a different house. Aparently my dad doesn’t have a job anymore and now we can’t pay rent. Parents f*cking suck. I hope we won’t become like them when we’re grownups. I heard them talk about Liege last night. I don’t know how I’ll survive being so far away from you. I will come back one day. Please forgive me if I act like a d*ck when I come back. I have a feeling I will do something stupid like that.</p><p> </p><p>Kisses,</p><p>ur bestie</p><p> </p><p>PS I wrote our new adress on the back.</p><p>PPS not that that is of any use if we move somewhere else</p><p>PPPS I should have just called you. I have a feeling that would prevent a lot of misery.</p><p>PPPPS I think you will be even prettier when you grow up.</p>
<hr/><p>Robbe looked up from the letter when the bedroom door opened. </p><p>Sander walked in with a plate of croissants and some fresh orange juice. “What is that?” he asked, nodding at the letter in Robbe’s hand like he didn’t just write it.</p><p>“Seppe gave back the letter,” Robbe grinned.</p><p>“Oh did he?” said Sander while he put the croissants and orange juice on the bedside table. “How nice of him.”</p><p>Robbe leaned forward, cupping Sander’s cheeks and giving him a thankful kiss.</p><p>“Did it meet your expectations?” Sander mumbled against his lips.</p><p>“Absolutely,” he said, pulling Sander’s t-shirt up.</p><p>“Do I need to buy you a new treasure chest for you to put it in together with my strand of hair?” Sander smirked.</p><p>You’re not getting any if you keep teasing me about it,” Robbe warned him, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>Sander immediately shut up and helped Robbe pull the t-shirt over his head, straddling him on the bed.</p><p>“Where are the guys?” Robbe asked, looking over at the open door. He didn’t want the guys walking in on them. They would probably tease him with it for years.</p><p>“Knocked out on the couch downstairs,” said Sander. ”I had to check if they were still breathing. They didn’t even make it upstairs. I think we missed out on a wild night. But I’ll put a sock on the door just to be sure,” he said. He picked up one of Robbe’s socks from the floor, wrapped it around the outer doorknob and jumped back into bed.</p><p>Robbe was pleased with that answer. If they didn’t even make it upstairs last night, the chance was small that they would get up to the room anytime soon. Jens usually stayed on the couch all day when he has a hangover. Robbe lied back down on the bed, wrapping one arm around Sander’s shoulders and stroking his other hand over Sander’s shaved head. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling. Sander started kissing his favorite spot, right under his ear.</p><p>Just when Sander stuck his hand into Robbe’s boxers, there was a knock on the door. They froze.</p><p>“Does that sock on the door mean what I think it means?” said Moyo’s voice on the other side of the door.</p><p>“No I just put it there for fun,” said Robbe, sarcasm dripping from his voice. </p><p>Apparently the sarcasm still wasn’t clear enough, because the door opened before Sander even had a chance to pull up the covers.</p><p>“Thank god I thought you guys were- Oh! Fuck!” said Moyo, covering his eyes. </p><p>Jens and Aaron walked up behind him, looking over his shoulders to see what the fuzz was about.</p><p>Robbe groaned and threw his head back on the pillow. Sander was lying on top of him, chuckling against his neck.</p><p>“Wow, wow! Who is that?” said Moyo, pointing at the back of Sander’s buzz cut.</p><p>Sander tilted his head a little to look at Robbe with a cheeky grin, averting his face from the guys. He wiggled his eyebrows to silently communicate his plan. Robbe grinned, understanding that Sander was asking his to play along. </p><p>“No one,” he said, trying to sound cold and pushing Sander’s head down like he was trying to hide him under the covers.</p><p>Aaron pushed Moyo aside to get a better look at them. His eyes went big when he saw Sander’s short brown hair poking out from under the covers. “Are you cheating on Sander?” he yelled.</p><p>Robbe hid his grin under the covers. None of your business,” he muttered, trying to sound convincing. Sander was shaking against his chest, muffling his chuckles into the pillow.</p><p>“Bro, I get it’s none of our business and this, uh, clearly isn’t a good time to discuss it but is this really worth it? You’re going to break Sander’s heart when he finds out,” said Jens.</p><p>“Pretty sure Sander’s fine with it,” Sander replied, snorting against Robbe’s shoulder. </p><p>Robbe cracked up, not being able to hold it in anymore.</p><p>“Why the fu-“ Aaron started before Sander turned around so they could see his face.</p><p>“Holy shit!” Moyo called out, eyes wide with surprise. </p><p>Jens’ mouth was hanging open and Aaron looked like his brain hadn’t recovered from the mindfuck yet. Their faces were priceless. Robbe wished he had filmed them.</p><p>“Dude, you look like a completely different person!” said Jens, staring at Sander’s shaved head.</p><p>Sander reached out his hand. “Alexander trouwens, nice to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>DONDERDAG 15:47</strong>
</p><p>Robbe was strolling around the local supermarket with Noor and Luca, buying some last minute snacks for their train ride back to Antwerp. He couldn’t believe they were going home already. The past week had flown by.</p><p>He looked in his shopping cart and wondered if he forgot something. He grabbed his phone out of his coat to check his shopping list. A notification popped up on the screen. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">Sander</span> </strong>
</p><p>I made us a <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/54NzpwEyxBwXu4bY2Tnj9L?si=UCXXhTPOQNyfmlbaln55Kw">playlist👨❤️💋👨💿</a></p><p>Maybe we can listen to it on the train</p><p>Oh</p><p>No one has ever made me a playlist before🥺❤️</p><p>I’m going to make you so many playlists you won’t be able to listen to them all</p><p>
  
</p><p>You’re such a dork</p><p>It’s catchy as fuck </p><p>It’s stuck in my head all day</p>
<hr/><p>Robbe had expected for it to be full on David Bowie and was surprised to see Sander had added other artists in it as well. He was dying to listen to it but decided to wait until the train ride so he could listen to it with Sander.</p><p>When they finally sat down in the train, after having to turn around twice because Jana and Aaron forgot something at the house, Robbe wasted no time grabbing Sander’s earbuds and putting one in his own ear and one in Sander’s.</p><p>“Curious about my love songs to you, Robin?” Sander teased.</p><p>“Yes,” he admitted, eagerly pressing play.</p><p>He soon discovered that it wasn’t just a regular playlist. It was Sander’s side of the story explained through songs, his way of telling him what was on his mind. Robbe felt like he was getting a glimpse into Sander’s head. He felt Sander’s eyes on him after every song to check his reaction, but he kept attentively listening.</p><p>With each song that started playing, Robbe understood at what point in their relationship Sander had identified with the lyrics. The first seven songs were angsty, representing the first few weeks of their reunion when Sander had pushed him away. Then came the turning point when Sander had apologized and had tried to break the ice by commenting on Robbe’s childhood crush, expressed in a song from the Mega Mindy soundtrack that Robbe hadn’t heard in nine years. The next songs were hopeful and upbeat, topped of by Purple Hat by Sofi Tukker, which was playing in the club during their first kiss. After that the songs got darker again, with lyrics full of guilt and shame. Robbe never noticed that was how Sander felt back then. He wished he had seen it sooner.</p><p>Tears filled Robbe’s eyes when Many of Horror by Biffy Clyro started playing. It felt like the song was written for them, but it wasn’t a happy song. He pressed pause and took out his earbud. “Do you really see us as a broken fairytale?” he asked, commenting on the second verse of the song.</p><p>Sander gave him a soft, reassuring smile. “Not anymore.”</p><p>Robbe smiled back and pressed play again, curious about the rest of the songs on the playlist.</p><p>“If we collide we come together, if we don’t we’ll always stay apart,” Sander sang along to the lyrics, explaining to him what he meant. </p><p>The last songs were warm and bright and exciting, like the last dark cloud had been lifted. Robbe couldn’t be happier. When the final notes from Elton John’s Are You Ready for Love faded away, he pulled out his earbud, cupped Sander’s cheeks and firmly pressed his lips against Sander’s, hoping that his feelings would come across. “I love you,” he said. Robbe had never said those words to anyone, not in a serious way at least. He always thought they were lame and only said by people in American movies, not something you would say in real life. But right now he felt so much love for Sander that ‘ik zie u graag’ didn’t cover the load anymore.</p><p>“I love you too,” Sander replied with a stunned twinkling in his eyes.</p><p>Robbe rested his head on Sander’s shoulder. It was one of his favorite things of being together with Sander, feeling his touch while sitting in comfortable silence. He could stay like this for hours. </p><p>Sander lightly poked him with his elbow, nodding at Amber and Aaron who were sitting together diagonally across from them. Robbe thought it was just a coincidence, but then he noticed Jana sitting alone two rows back. Interesting. Besides, wasn’t Amber also supposed to ride back in Senne’s car because she won the breadstick game at their house party on Friday? Robbe looked over at Sander, raising his eyebrows in surprise.</p><p>“I’m a matchmaker,” Sander whispered, grinning from ear to ear.</p><p>Robbe turned around to Amber and Aaron again. Amber was rambling on about something but it didn’t look like she was giving him one of her usual lectures, judging by the way Aaron was eating up her every word.</p><p>“Are you still going to your mom tomorrow?“ Sander suddenly asked.</p><p>“Yeah,” he replied. He had been visiting his mom every Friday recently. Having diner at her place after class had become somewhat of a tradition. “Want to come?”</p><p>Sander nodded, giving him a small smile.</p><p>“We have to go in the afternoon though because she’s having friends over for diner and I don’t feel like getting my cheeks squished all evening,” he said, rolling his eyes. His mom’s friends still treated him like a baby.</p><p>“You don’t?” Sander grinned, raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Well, not by women who know embarrassing toddler stories about me and bring them up every time I see them.”</p><p>That made Sander laugh. He looked down at his lap and started fumbling with the ring on his index finger like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. “Uh, could we maybe go to Berchem afterwards? I would like to visit it again with you without being a sobbing mess and running for the police and all.”</p><p>Robbe’s face lit up. “Of course. I would love to.” His teenage daydreams of going back to Berchem with Sander were finally becoming true. He stared out of the window at the landscape that was gliding past, thinking of all the places they could visit tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>VRIJDAG 11:11</strong>
</p><p>Sander walked into Robbe’s room wearing a fancy white shirt. “Is this too wrinkled?” he asked, trying to smoothen the fabric with his hand. “I think I’m going to ask Senne if I can borrow his iron.”</p><p>Robbe looked up from his phone and frowned. “What the fuck are you wearing?” </p><p>“What?” said Sander, looking down at his shirt and up at Robbe again. “We’re going to your mom, right?”</p><p>A grin appeared on Robbe’s lips. It was adorable that Sander thought he had to get all dressed up for that. “San, she’s seen you in diapers and PJ’s. You don’t have to dress up for my mom. I think she would actually be a bit worried if you showed up wearing that.”</p><p>“But I want to make a good impression,” Sander pouted.</p><p>Robbe put down his phone and shuffled to the edge of the bed. “You are going to leave a great impression with the way you are, not with a stupid white shirt,” he reassured Sander. “Why do you even own that thing?”</p><p>“My mom gave it to my for my cousin’s wedding,” Sander shrugged, unbuttoning the collar.</p><p>“Just put on something you feel comfortable in and let’s take the 11.30 tram, okay?” said Robbe, enjoying the vision in his head of Sander in a suit.</p><p>Sander nodded and reappeared a moment later in his cream sweater. Robbe’s favorite. They took the tram to his mother’s apartment building. Robbe grabbed his hand when they arrived at the main entrance and were waiting for his mom to buzz them in. Sander’s hand was a bit sweaty. The camera light above the doorbells went on.</p><p>“Ah, look at you two!” his mom beamed through the intercom before buzzing them in.</p><p>They took the lift to the fourth floor and walked through the hallway. Robbe squeezed Sander’s hand when they arrived at the front door. Sander looked even more nervous that he had looked downstairs, raising his hand to run it through his hair before realizing that the hair was gone. He nodded.  </p><p>Robbe rang the doorbell. </p><p>The door opened before they even had a chance to blink their eyes. His mom was standing in the door opening with a bright smile on her face, taking a step back to get a better look at Sander. She turned her head to Robbe to give him a meaningful grin before turning back to Sander. “Look at you!” she said, wrapping him in one of her bear hugs. </p><p>Sander immediately relaxed his shoulders, gratefully hugging her back.</p><p>“It’s so good to see you honey,” she said, letting go of their hug but holding onto his shoulders. “Robbe hasn’t shut up about you ever since he told me you were back.”</p><p>“Mom!” Robbe yelled, warning her with his eyes.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows. “What? If you already think this is embarrassing, wait until you see the photo albums I found.”</p><p>“Maybe Sander doesn’t want to look at old pictures,” he groaned.</p><p>“Oh no, I definitely do,” Sander laughed.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” his mom asked Sander because she knew Robbe was always in for food, unless he was sick or anxious. “I made croques.”</p><p>Sander nodded enthusiastically. “I thought i smelled something familiar.”</p><p>Sander followed them into the living room and sat in between Robbe and his mom at the table. Robbe had instructed her to keep it casual and not ask about the heavy stuff because he didn’t want to make Sander uncomfortable, hence why they were now chatting about Sander’s studies. At first Sander gave short polite answers but when he noticed how interested Robbe’s mom was in what he was doing, he was soon rambling on about his assignments and asking her about her opinion. His mom was a good listener. She knew exactly what questions to ask to make people feel comfortable. The fact that she loved art almost as much as Sander did, also helped. </p><p>After catching up and stuffing their mouths with croques, Sander glared over at the photo albums that were lying on the corner of the table.</p><p>“Ugh, fine,” said Robbe, sliding the pile in front of them and opening the first album.</p><p>Sander let out an excited shriek when he saw the picture of a chubby two-year-old Robbe in an orange rain suit. Sander was having the time of his life flipping through the photo albums, bursting out into laughter every time Robbe’s mom provided him with funny background stories about the pictures. She had a great memory and remembered all this stuff about them that they had long forgotten. When he noticed how many pictures of him and Robbe were in there, his cheeks turned pink with pride.</p><p>Robbe looked at his watch. It was three o'clock already. They had to leave if they ever wanted to make it to Berchem before it got dark outside. “Alright, we’re going to head out,” he said, clapping his hand on the table.</p><p>“But we still have one more photo album left,” Sander pouted. </p><p>“You can stay a little longer,” said Robbe’s mom. “Julie and Chantal don’t arrive until four.”</p><p>“I know but Sander and I have planned a trip down memory lane this afternoon,” Robbe explained. “Also, I’ve had enough of you two making fun of my eight year old fashion style.”</p><p>Sander and his mom looked at each other with a guilty grin on their faces.</p><p>“We can look at them the next time,” she promised Sander.</p><p>Sander smiled. “I would like that.”</p><p>Robbe’s mom walked over to the kitchen and came back with two Tupperware containers full of food and pushed them into Robbe’s hands. She had started giving him meals at every visit ever since he had started college, afraid he wouldn’t eat enough vegetables. “This one has spinach in it,” she said, pointing at one of the containers. Don’t warm them up twice or you’ll be sitting on the toilet like last time.” She turned to sander. “You probably have to remind him.”</p><p>“I will,” Sander snorted.</p><p>“I don’t like how good you two are getting along,” said Robbe even though he loved it.</p><p>His mom followed them to the hallway. Robbe shoved the Tupperware containers into his backpack and put on his coat.</p><p>“Bye honey,” she said, kissing his cheek. She turned to Sander and gave his a kiss on the cheek as well.</p><p>Sander blushed, his eyes twinkling with pride.</p><p>They walked into the hallway of the apartment building, turning around to wave before they stepped into the elevator.</p><p>“See you soon!” his mom called, waving at them one last time before heading back inside.  </p><p>Robbe pushed the ground floor button and looked up at Sander, who was still wearing a bright smile and rosy cheeks.</p><p>“Happy?”</p><p>“Very,” said Sander.</p><p>Half an hour later they arrived in their old neighborhood, in a much better mood than last time. It was like the weather gods had picked up on their mood, because the sun was shining brightly, not a cloud in the sky. They walked past all their meaningful spots, Robbe’s old house, Sander’s old house, the parking lot where they learned how to ride a skateboard, the low wall at the end of the street where they always used to hang out on and the big three that they once climbed to the very top. The only place they didn’t visit was the hut because the new residents were home and they didn’t feel like getting a police record.</p><p>Right now they were walking over to the playground a few blocks away from their street where they spent whole summers hanging around in the climbing frames. Everything seemed smaller, like the neighborhood and everything in it had shrunk instead of them just having gotten taller.</p><p>Sander’s eyes went wide with excitement when he spotted their favorite attraction on the playground, the Eiffel tower shaped climbing frame with the basket at the top where they used to lay down in. “Oh my god it’s still here!” he beamed, immediately running up to it.</p><p>Robbe fondly shook his head and watched how Sander climbed into it a little clumsily. He climbed all the way to the top and plopped into the basket, smiling proudly at Robbe who was still standing on the ground.</p><p>Robbe thought back to his first weeks of college, when Sander had come across as this intimidating cold guy that didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. It was hard to believe that that was the same Sander as the one that was now hanging upside down in the climbing frame with a big goofy smile on his face. </p><p>“Come!” Sander called, bouncing around in the basket.</p><p>“You’re a child,” Robbe laughed.</p><p>“I know you want to,” said Sander, beckoning him.</p><p>Robbe walked over to the climbing frame, still shaking his head. The last time he had climbed into it, he had to stretch out his arms and pull himself up to cover the distance between the ropes. That wasn’t a problem anymore. He could easily reach all the ropes but the hight did freak him out a bit. Had the basket always been this far off the ground?</p><p>Sander gave him a hand and pulled him into the basket. In the past they could lie down in it with stretched legs and plenty of space between them, but right now they were squished against each other with their legs dangling over the edge.</p><p>Robbe carefully lied down on Sander’s chest and looked up at the sky. The sun was going down behind the houses next to the playground. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the wind going through the trees and a bird singing in the distance. Sander started humming the final song on their playlist while he softly played with his hair. It’s funny, Robbe always used to romanticize the past but for the first time since his childhood, the present didn’t seem so bad either.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*starts sobbing*</p><p>thank you all so much for reading💛💛 i can’t believe i finished a 70k fic. it’s still insane to me that people actually take time out of their day to read something i wrote. like whoa.</p><p>when i came up with the idea for this fic, i had just gotten out of a depressive episode. i was still struggling with insomnia and panic attacks and the only thing that helped me take my mind off of things, was reading fics. i was so in awe of everyone’s talent and creativity and for the first time since starting college, i got inspired again. it started off as this rough story outline that no one was ever supposed to see but then i got all these ideas and began writing out scenes and was having so much fun. But i was also really insecure about my english and felt like i couldn’t pull it off. a month went by and i had almost given up on this fic, until i scrolled past this tumblr post that basically said ‘just write whatever the fuck you want, what’s stopping you?’ and all of a sudden something clicked in my head and i was like: fuck it i'm gonna do it. after finishing the first few chapters, i decided to post it on here. i was scared shitless because i never wrote a fic in my life (except for a really embarrassing glee fic when i was 14 that i hope no one will ever find). i put a lot of myself into this fic so it would hurt a little if no one was going to like it but then you were all so nice and it made my serotonin levels go📈📈📈</p><p>long story short, writing this fic has helped me get back on my feet. i haven’t felt this happy in a long time and i want to thank you for coming along for the ride :’) it means so much to me.</p><p>*end of emo talk*</p><p>writing this fic has been waaay too much fun to stop writing so here’s my plan: i want to take a little break to focus on s5 and maybe write some canon one shots if i feel inspired (please wtfock dont let us down again pls pls pls) and then i will come back with a sobbe summer fic🌞 here's a lil summary:<br/>It’s the summer of 1992. Sander was supposed to enjoy his last months of freedom before his senior year in high school, but his parents came up with the genius idea to start a campsite in the south of France. After a messy immigration, Sander spends most days in a hammock, watching new guests arrive at their campsite and bored out of his mind. He is fully intending on packing his bags and moving back home, when his eyes land on a boy who is setting up his tent. Suddenly the urge to leave isn’t so strong anymore...</p><p>since it’s the 90s there won’t be any fun texting but i will try to make up for it by having them write letters to each other and again incorporate a lot of the other characters :) that’s basically all i have right now so if you have any ideas for the story, please comment down below or sent me an ask on tumblr (@goeie-morgen)</p><p>alright this ramble has gotten way too long so im gonna end it here but thank you all again, i loved every second of it❤️</p><p>(also isn’t ao3 just the best site ever? ugh i love it here)</p>
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